


Pinkie Promise

by annoyedraccoon



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gods & Goddesses, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Eventual EreRi, M/M, Yes Levi is a god, age difference that disappears because Levi is freaking immortal, also they cuss like saliors, begins with kid!eren, guardian angel-y, im sorry for everything
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-30
Updated: 2016-08-13
Packaged: 2018-02-06 21:35:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 56,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1873332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annoyedraccoon/pseuds/annoyedraccoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi has done something he'd never really done before. He made a mistake. Really, he was just fed up with being a god of death. Humans got to be so carefree, but him? His whole existence was for reaping souls.<br/>So now, thanks to his little accident with a some green eyed kid, Levi is given a punishment: "Protect Eren Jaeger for the rest of his life."<br/>Levi would have to be this brat's guardian angel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Levi killed people.

Not really in the sense of murder, or physically stabbing or suffocating or shooting, but when the human body dies, he’s the one that takes the soul from the body. Do you see a light in the end? Levi wasn’t sure, but he had a feeling it was actually the blaring white of pain as he cut open the neck of a dying person to finish the job.

Levi was a god of death. He had no control over that.

He didn’t really mind it. Maybe his first century of godhood, he did. Watching the light leave their eyes. Loved one’s meager hopes replaced by the heartbreak. Sting of blood in the air, and Levi takes his reaping blades and slashes the soul from the nape of the neck.

The sight, smell, sound, taste, and touch of death were all memorized by Levi. And after feeling the essence of death over and over and over again, it became a cycle. And Levi got used to it. Not comfortable with it, but he dealt with it. It was an occupational hazard.

Why did he have to do this? Levi asked himself as he cleaned off his hand blades, although there was no blood to clean off. He wouldn’t be able to see it in the night fallen city. Why couldn’t he just stop doing it?

Well, it would be pretty shitty of him not to carry his own weight. He wasn’t the only death god, but being a God was a reward one had to pay for. Levi knew if he wasn’t a god, he would just be another human soul in the senseless purgatory of afterlife. He’d been chosen to do this after his death, but who knows why. He wasn’t allowed to have memories of his human life. Did he have a choice and choose to be a God? Sometimes he was curious. Sometimes he really didn’t give a shit. Who cares who he was? And hell, he must have been a murderer or something for the heavens decide he was good for killing.

The thing was, it wasn’t the fact he had to kill people anymore that bothered him. Their deaths were inevitable, there wasn’t a point in _not_ doing it. It was the fact he couldn’t live for himself, like all the humans had the ability to do. He envied their carefree lives, the simplicity of only worrying about paying their taxes and being fed. Levi didn’t live off food anymore, he lived off belief that he existed.

That was another reason he had to kill. Because the dead wouldn’t die. Because people would stop believing in death. And Levi would cease to exist. He hated that dependence. Being a God didn’t have as many pros as he’d want.

“Hey, Levi.” A deep voice called as he collected these thoughts. Levi turned around to the sound quickly, stunned. Of course, people weren’t supposed to really acknowledge his existence unless he wanted them to, which was never. So for someone to see him, it had to be another God. And he recognized that voice anywhere.

“Erwin.” Levi sighed, sheathing his blades at his sides. “What’s up.”

“Quite the usual.” Erwin smiled, approaching him in the middle of the street. He was a tall, handsome man, someone human beings would drool over with his suave blond hair and muscular body. He wore a dark suit with his endearing smile, and he looked like your regular smart, kindly business man. But Levi knew what Erwin was. Erwin was his boss. Because death is only a piece of the large puzzle of disasters, right?

Erwin was the God of Catastrophe. Calamity. Misfortune. He sorted out when tragedy strikes, how, where, to whom. When fate called for disaster, he pulled the strings. The world was his chess set, and he was one of the most powerful Gods in existence.

Not that Levi really cared.

Levi tossed a hand on his hip. “You usually don’t choose to visit unless you got something for me to do, right?”

“Looks like you’re getting used to it.” Erwin leered, looking too damn pleased with himself. _How did he live with himself, with that job title?_

Levi crossed his arms and sighed. “Well, what is it? I do have a schedule, you know.”

“No you don’t.” Erwin interjected, but he continued anyway, looking away as a car past them on the street. “There’s an assignment I wanted for you, not the other death gods. You’re the best one at the job.”

“Good to know.”

“There’s a man by the name of Grisha Jaeger.” Erwin explained, ignoring the comment. “I doubt you want to hear too much of his profile, but I’ll be brief. He’s a local surgeon, with a nice family, but that’s only his frontal image. Behind closed doors, he’s been in charge of a corrupt organization, illegal dealing, poaching, experimentation, anything to get power and money. And this group is beginning to stir trouble for me.”

“Causing too much damage, right?” Levi guessed, and Erwin nodded grimly. There was a fine line between human choice and fate. Fate, was something the Gods carried out. The skeleton of the universe, making sure things went as planned. Even Gods only knew pieces of that blueprint. But human choice? That was the actions being taken by their hands, because Fate doesn’t control minds. Usually they don’t become too effective and they can shrug it off. Who cares what people do; they’re insignificant. But, if too many humans begin to mess with the ties of Fate, Gods have to intervene. You could call it karma. And if that meant cutting down a leader of some stupid group, Levi would probably have to do it.

“So you want me to take out this Grisha guy?” Levi asked, trying to push down the irritancy. There was a difference between liberating a soul from its decaying body and cleaving the soul out forcefully while the body is alive. The latter, Levi avoided doing. There was no defending it; it was absolutely morbid. Even to a God of Death.

“No.” Erwin said, surprising Levi. “They’ll simply replace him. We need to do something that will instead ruin Grisha Jaeger from inside. If their leader begins falling apart, they all will.”

Levi blinked at him, with no response he knew to say. So if he needed some other accident he would go to a different God for assistance, wouldn’t he? Levi remembered Erwin said Jaeger had a wife, a home life. God dammit, Levi was sick of this.

“You want me to cut down his completely innocent wife.” Levi deduced despairingly, a familiar heavy feeling overwhelming him as Erwin nodded again.

“It’s already worked into being their fates.” Erwin said, recognizing the antagonizing tone in Levi’s growl. “It’s a good sacrifice for the needless corruption from this organization continuing, Levi. It’s a necessary sacrifice; I won’t let you refuse this.”

“I’ve told you how I feel about these erroneous jobs, Erwin.” Levi countered. “You could have someone else do this. I don’t want to.”

“You’re the only one with experience with it.” Erwin demanded calmly, ignoring Levi’s protests. “Auruo, Petra and the others, they have never dealt with taking those who aren’t already dead. I would give you a calamity to work with but there’s just not enough time—”

“I got it.” Levi snapped. “I’ll do your dirty work, all right?”

Erwin smiled weakly, noticeably grateful. “Thank you Levi.”

“Don’t mention it.” He groaned, looking away at a family walking by in the city lights. “Seriously, don’t.”

 

So Levi was given the location. It definitely wasn’t coincidence that Erwin told him in this particular city; it was the one Grisha Jaeger lives in. The night was still young, but the steely air of winter hung around him chillingly. Levi was glad he was still able to feel the cold. It made him feel more alive than a deity. There was something about the fear of dying Levi missed, even though he couldn’t recall what it was like.

He arrived at the large house outside of downtown. How was he supposed to do this? He hated inflicting death. Because that wasn’t quite his job, his job was carrying it out, not starting it.

He entered the house quietly and lingered in the shadows of the family home, but he knew they wouldn’t be able to see him. And anyway, the occupants were asleep in their beds, ignorant of the fates about to hit them. The lives he’d be destroying personally.

Levi first checked to make sure they was home. He stepped up the stairs and checked the master bedroom. As he expected when he stepped in, a couple was sound asleep, arms wrapped around each other despite the large bed. Both with dark hair and calm expressions. Perfectly in love. A love Levi was about to break. He decided to hate the husband for having an illegal company in his hands.

He shut the door and checked the next room. A guest room. The others were closets and bathrooms.

Levi went back down the stairs. A fire would be a good distraction. He’d have to make sure Grisha was separated so he made it out, and take out the girl.

So Levi walked out into their garage and— perfect. Gasoline. It was a little unfair he had to do all this manually. It be so much easier to have one of those god that can summon an earthquake or some sort of disaster to kill her off, but as Erwin said, they didn’t have time. Damn, this sucked.

Levi went into the interior and poured the tank of gasoline around the living room carpet, furniture, on the wooden kitchen cabinets, and led a trail up the carpeted stairs. And by the time he emptied the tank, he found a pack of matches in the drawer and lit it. He only allowed himself a moment to watch the flame dance over the tip before leaning down and lighting the beginning of the trail.

The floor lit up like it was suddenly daybreak. This was going to be one big fire.

He stood among the flames patiently, waiting for his skin to melt away from the searing heat. But no cigar, he couldn’t die. Not like that. His body was a mockery of a humans, he pretend he felt things all he wanted, but it was only pretend.

The fire alarms started going off. He heard movement upstairs. It was time.

Levi stalked up the burning stairs to see Grisha and his wife looking at the flames, paralyzed. How could this happen? Maybe he was saying. Well, you’ve made a lot of enemies, shitface. Enough to make enemies out of gods.

Levi grabbed Grisha’s arm. Grisha wouldn’t be aware that someone was actually pulling him. It would feel like a twist in his thoughts. Some feeling making him pull forward. Not Levi.

He tugged Grisha down the stairs, ignoring his screams as the flames burned his legs. And then Levi threw him out. Grisha would later think he’d abandoned his wife, left her to die while he escaped alone. At least it would just add to the effect Erwin was looking for.

Levi walked back in and found the wife hadn’t even tried to move from her stance in front of her room. She was a pretty lady, with dark hair pulled to the side and wide, amber eyes. She kept staring at last door in the hall with horrible dread. What was it? Was there something valuable in the last room? It was just...

Wait. He hadn’t checked that room. How the hell didn’t he check that room? His disposition was leaving him rusty.

Levi ignored it. He had to kill this woman first. He unsheathed his daggers from under his clock and approached. Death was nearing her.

And in that moment, she could see him, standing in the fire before her.

“Sir!” She yelled to him, stopping to cough. “Please! you have to—”

“Quiet.” Levi ordered, backing her into her room again. Her terrified eyes darted between the surrounding flames, Levi, his weapons, and that door. She was now more afraid of Levi than the fire. He understood that. He was an unfamiliar man with dark hair and a dark cloak over his suit with two short swords in his hands. Maybe he was what they feared as the “grim reaper” or “angel of death”.

“P..Please..” She coughed from the smoke. He barely had to do anything now; she was already dying from the lack of oxygen. Just don’t think. Just do. Just do it.  
He pulled up his arms and sliced her neck swiftly, accurately. It wasn’t quite a physical cut, but something the woman felt no less, and the last thing she would ever feel. It felt wrong, so wrong, to reap her soul before her body was officially useless. The tear in feeling all emotion and thought rip away from the perfectly function lungs, brain, heart...it had to be a horrible pain. Reaping souls should’ve been more of a release than a kill.

He wished she could have felt peace before dying. Instead, all she got was the sight of relentless fire, the blaring sound of alarms, the smell of burning interior, the touch of searing heat.

As her body fell, her soul escaped, and he was left with the echoes of her very last thoughts, last hopes, last desires...but each repeated the same things.

_Don’t leave me...I don’t want to die..._

But then, there was a second plead, one Levi felt would haunt him.

_Save him...at least let him live...please spare my son..._

And that was just what was in that last room. It was the last thing Levi wanted right then. He left the lifeless woman and stepped down the crippling hall, each step heavier than the next, and opened the door to the last room on the left.

A kid’s room.

_Damn you Erwin for not telling me this._

A young kid, too. By the looks of the model airplanes, cars, action figures, and 'Captain America' bed spread, he was at most ten.

He looked around the room, the kid not in sight. Levi knew he couldn’t have escaped. And then, there it was: the sounds of crying and coughing under the crackles of fire, coming from the French door closet. He’d run and hid.

Levi approached the door slowly. He sheathed his swords and opened the closet.

Levi was wrong. That quivering kid in a fetal position couldn’t be more than five.

He looked similar to his mother, with caramel skin stained with tears and dark hair that shined against the flames pouring in. His eyes had been squeezed shut in fear, but he opened them warily when his closet door opened before him. Those big, shining eyes observed Levi’s profile, confusion and curiosity mixing into that terrified gaze.

He was grateful he didn’t know the kid’s name. Erwin likely didn’t inform him of that consciously. He didn’t want Levi to feel worse. He probably hoped in the midst of events Levi would just get it over with quickly.

Erwin really was a thoughtful guy in the end. But that didn’t change the fact that this kid had a name.

Levi couldn’t move. He was probably a pretty happy kid. From those eyes Levi could assume he looked at everything he saw with marvel and excitement. He probably burst with energy in his wake. He was probably a little shit, too, broke flower pots, threw his supper on the floor, picked his nose, and gave his loving parents premature gray hairs.

Levi would just have to kill the kid quickly. So he doesn’t suffer. Although he doubted there was much pacifying the ripping of a soul. He’d have to—

“What are those?” The kid asked, pointing at Levi’s waist. _He had a name_. An innocent question, inquiring the steel blades at Levi’s sides. Shit. Levi decided on playing stoic and didn’t answer. He just watched.

“Who are you?” The boy formed the words slowly as any young kid would. _He had a name_. Levi’s grip on the door handles tightened as he clenched his jaw. More and more of the brat’s fear was leaving his eyes, replaced by wonder and hope. Don’t look at him like that. Do not look at him like that.

_Dammit, kid. I’m not your savior. I’m your killer. I’m here to kill you._

And he was going to kill him. He had to do it. This kid had to die. _He had a name_. It’s a needed sacrifice. And he’d carried out deaths for kids countless times in his three hundred years. Of course, he’d never caused their deaths but—

“I’m Eren.”

The kid offered the greeting timidly, sniffling away his tears and coughing. “Who are you?”

Shit. There it was. His name. This ignorant brat just introduced himself. He was so naïve. How did he not guess why this apparent man had weapons? Did he realize firefighters didn’t have those, nor wore suits and cloaks? Didn’t he hear his mother’s dying cry? Who was this kid?

Eren.

Eren Jaeger.

A real, live person. With a name. With a life. He had some sort of future, he had something out there for him. Maybe a girl, maybe a career. But he had a life Levi was planning to take away. Eren Jaeger was a person.

Who wasn’t dead. Not yet.

This wasn’t Levi’s job. Murder wasn’t his fucking job. Levi released the dead, not the living.

Dammit all, make a decision, Levi demanded himself. He will be dead if you don’t hurry. The kid was starting to gag more, and Levi could only will the fire to stay back for so long. The flames were licking closer. Even more, the floor would probably cave in soon.

“Come with me.” Levi demanded in a low voice, grabbing the kid’s wrist and pulling him up. He went too eagerly. Levi was sick of not doing what he wants. He was going to do something for himself, just this once, to prove to himself he could. Erwin couldn’t control everything. _Fate_ couldn’t control everything, not even Levi. And there was already tragedy here. It was sure to mess up the father already, right? Erwin’s plan would still work.

Levi wasn’t one for risks. He felt out of his own character, but shit, he was just tired of this. The smartest, easiest decision was to take out this kid while he could. But it certainly wasn’t the right one, although Levi doubted immortals were supposed to have moral fiber.

But feeling his arms grip Levi’s tightly, like Levi was the only safe thing in the world, he had a feeling he already couldn’t. There were going to be repercussions. Erwin was never going to forgive him. But dammit, he could deal with it. He didn’t want Eren’s blood on his hands. It’s not like saving one kid could mean the fate of humanity, right?

He wasn’t going to regret this. This was what Levi wanted to do, and if he would come to regret it then he’d have to feel it later. But not at this moment.

Sirens were wailing outside the torched home. Levi started down the stairs, holding Eren so he wouldn’t be burned. He also made sure Eren didn’t see the lifeless body of his mother. But there was so much smoke with the flames he suspected he couldn’t see.

“Who are you?” Eren asked again, bravely trying to hold back his gagging for air. Levi sighed. Eren would forget about him soon after contact; it didn’t matter what he said.

“Levi.” He grumbled, ignoring how Eren’s eyes lit up when he answered. He was still tired and needed to get out of the smoke, but he looked very happy for a moment. Maybe a little hint of his normal face. He hoped this kid would be able to be happy again after this.

The front door was covered in fire now, so Levi broke a window with the hilt of one of his swords and jumped out, Eren in his arms. He moved a hundred yards away from the house. Hopefully, it would look like Eren had gotten out and ran away. The bite of clear and chilled air was refreshing after being trapped in that inferno.

Eren had wrapped his arms around Levi’s neck, and he had to pry him off to set him on the grass, in safety. At least he wouldn’t be too rattled about the house. He was too young to care too much about a building. He couldn’t say that much for the loss of his mother, though. Not at all.

“What’s happening?” Eren asked, looking up at Levi. So innocent and confused. Can’t even panic about his childhood home yet.

“Nothing. Just find your...” Levi hesitated, looking at the street, now lit with emergency vehicles. It wouldn’t be long until someone found them.

He thought about how Grisha was into illegal shit. And having a family life had involved them. Was he really doing Eren a favor in saving him?

No, Levi was doing this for himself. Not Eren.

“Go back to your father. Do not mention me. Got it?”

Eren nodded absently. “Why? Who are you?”

What do you tell a little kid? Should he tell him what he is? A God of death? “Hello came in here to kill you and your family and burn your house down but eh I changed my mind a little” didn’t sound too appropriate. How would Eren react? What were kids even like? Levi had watched them from afar, but never really wanted a single thing to do with one.

“It’s a secret.” Levi finally decided, trying to wipe soot off Eren’s unblemished face. Gross. But his green eyes stayed clear and bright, reflecting the light of the huge fire. Hopefully the rush of keeping a secret would keep him from going to his dad and sounding crazy. “You can’t tell anyone about me, got it?”

“And what do I get?” asked Eren. Wow, kids really were little shits weren’t they?

“What do you want.” Levi growled impatiently. Can he just leave?

“Come back again.” Eren demanded in that high pitched youthful voice. He had got to be kidding.

“Seriously?”

“Yes!”

“My fucking—” Levi pinched the bridge of his nose in aggravation. “Fine. Fine, kid. Whatever.”

Eren held up his pinkie finger.

Levi stared.

“What.”

“Pinkie promise!” Eren said, his little eyebrows furrowed sternly. What a cocky brat. Maybe he should’ve just killed him. This was irritating.

Levi leaned down reluctantly and interlocked his pinkie with Eren’s, turning his claim into a vow. At least Eren was going to forget about the whole thing. There was no way he’d have to see this kid again.

Eren smiled broadly despite Levi's reluctance, and Levi noticed he’d lost a front tooth recently. There was something warm and familiar in that face of his. Levi turned away, ready to sink back into the shadows, when the kid behind him called, “Bye, Captain!”

Levi raised his thin eyebrows at the boy. “Excuse me?”

“You’re like Captain America.” Eren explained cheerfully as if the new name made perfect sense. “You’re like a superhero, aren’t you?”

Levi felt an amused smile curve onto his lips, and he turned away without another word, fading into the cold darkness where he really belonged.

Far from it, kid.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's no deed that goes unpunished, and Levi deals with the consequences in saving Eren Jaeger.

“Levi, do you realize what you’ve done?”

Erwin paced around the dining room table Levi sat in, calmly taking in the lecture. Levi resided in a nearly empty apartment in Paris, France. Something about the location was more comfortable than other places. He didn’t spend much time there, seeing as how he was usually busy with reaping souls and not actually needing rest. He just stored the books and things he’d found interesting in his past centuries. And it made for a nice quiet place to not have to see any civilization.

Unless of course, he was there being chastised by his higher-up. Of course, Erwin. Yes, Erwin, he realized what he did. What did the children of these days say? Duh. He wasn’t stupid. And regarding that didn’t change what he did.

And what did he do? Make a mistake. He always did his jobs, tried to do them without complaint or question. What had it been about that ocean-eyed kid? Levi had seen kids before and it never stopped him. Although he'd never reaped a fully live child before, it shouldn't have been too much of a difference. What had Levi been thinking when he rescued him instead? _Stop Levi,_ He told himself. _Don't start regretting it. It's too late to change what happened. You made you're choice._

It’d had been about a week since the fire and death of Eren Jaeger’s mother, although time was just an ongoing thing that refused to end anymore. Levi stayed far away from the area though, making sure he didn’t have any run-ins with the kid he’d spared. He wanted to be sure he didn’t remember a thing about him.

He hoped the kid would forget. If not, he was bound to be pretty pissed Levi wouldn’t be keeping his promise. And he used to call himself a man of his word. But, better break your word than do worse in keeping it.

Levi sipped his tea. No matter how much he didn’t need nourishment and rest, he couldn’t help having it anyway.

“It still pushed Jaeger over the edge, though, didn’t it?” Levi asked, earning a glare from Erwin.

“Yes.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “In fact they’ve been discovered and he was arrested. But that’s not my point. Not only did you risk the whole objective for your operation, but the child’s fate has been completely compromised and he’s been hospitalized—”

“Wait,” Levi interrupted, setting down the tea. “What do you mean by that? I thought it wasn’t his true timeline to begin with. How was his fate compromised?”

“It wasn’t in the world where his father’s company grew.” Erwin explained tiredly, finally sitting across from Levi in the spacious living room. “And with his father’s connections, I doubt he’d last much longer anyway, his life or his innocence. But it became his fate when you went on the mission. So...”

Levi was quiet, fully comprehending the situation.

“He never had a future.”

“Well, first off, he doesn’t have any parents, now.” Erwin said, and Levi could see he didn’t really feel pity for the kid. Erwin saw this as an obstacle in his trail. Something that would cause problem for him.

“What did you mean by him being hospitalized?” Levi asked as Erwin waited.

“Car accident, broke a couple ribs.” Erwin shot back, lacing his fingers over the table. “He got lucky, but disaster’s not going to miss again. You know how it works, Levi.”

“Yeah.” Levi rubbed his forehead. “The world’s gonna be out to get him.”

“Exactly. And you are supposed to be out to get him.” Erwin added. “He cheated death now. You’re supposed to get him for that.”

Hypothetically, those instances were to be the only times Levi reaped a living soul. Cheating death, cheating fate. It’s an error that must be fixed. Except, Levi thought Eren _hadn’t_ cheated death. He thought that the Gods were the ones cheating, not him. So once Erwin made that decision, there was no future for him. And now...

“You want me to go finish the job?” Levi asked, staring at the unfinished tea on the table. How was he going to face that kid again for that?

There was silence; Erwin thought to himself, his ice blue eyes lowered as if memorizing the wood of Levi’s table. He got a familiar foreboding feeling that Erwin was planning something. Levi wasn’t all that fond of his plans.

“No, Levi.” He finally answered, his chiseled jaw set. “That’d be too easy. Disaster will get him pretty quick, anyway, And I could have one of the others do it if I wanted, since you proved to be incompetent.”

“Erwin, I explained to you I’m sick of—”

“I know, I know, Levi.” Erwin put a hand up to hush Levi’s defense. “You had your reasons, and you’re still young.”

“I’m in my 200s.”

“And I’m in my 2000s. My point is, I’d been desperate and that’s my fault. I won’t hold anything against you, and I won’t eradicate you.” Erwin said, and Levi felt a chill from hearing him talk about ‘eradicating’ him.

“But I do think you should be reprehended for it. Nothing is without a price, after all. You know that.”

“What is it then?” Levi asked with a shrug. “You going to banish me or something?”

“No. I think I know what you can do.” Erwin stood, a twinkle in his eye. Was he...amused?

“It’ll be around a seventy, eighty year job.” He explained, walking alongside the table. “And almost full-time. We may just have to recruit a new death god to fill your vacancy...”  
“Erwin.” Levi didn’t like that look he had.

“You wanted to spare Eren Jaeger?” Erwin stepped closer, and Levi was beginning to feel a deep hatred for that green-eyed brat. Why couldn’t he just kill him?

“Then fine. Have him spared.” Erwin said. “Except, death is going to be trying to get him how. Every breath he breathes from here on will be threatened. This child’s chances of death are so high he might just die right now, as we speak. I would hate for your efforts to have been in vain.”

Erwin slammed his hands on the table splashing Levi’s tea, but he couldn’t tear his gaze off Erwin.

“So that’s where you’ll come in, Levi. You start now. You will follow him in secret. Kiss the ground he walks on. Don’t let him get sick. Don’t let him break a bone. Don’t even let him get bit by a mosquito.”

He had to be kidding.

“You’re going to protect Eren Jaeger for the rest of his life.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, im sorry this is a short chapter, aint it? but it's a necessary piece and sorta needs to be on its own. Hope you enjoy it so far! Thank you for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three years have passed, and Eren doesn't know a thing about his fragile life or Levi watching his every step.  
> Or so Levi thought.

“This is bullshit.” Levi muttered to himself as he watched Eren Jaeger, eight years old.

Eren was playing with a boy his age, who simply needed to cut those long locks of blond hair and do something to tone down his huge blue eyes. Those eyes full of wonder seemed to match Eren’s green ones perfectly. They were at a park, complete with trees, forest paths, running tracks, playgrounds, all stuffed inside a bustling city. A couple sat on the park benches nearby, watching the boys and chatting. The two of them looked like an old photograph. The mother had red hair tumbling beautifully down her shoulders, while the father had well groomed light hair like his son’s.

They were the Arlerts, and as friends of Eren’s mother, they adopted Eren after he concurrently became an orphan and homeless. And Eren had quickly bonded with their own son, Armin. The duo were, instead of playing on the slides and swing sets, sitting in a patch of grass, looking at a damn book.

Eren Eren Eren. That’s all Levi’s existence was anymore. It was his own fault but...Damn, he was going to go crazy. His hands itched to use his reaping blades. Shook to take a soul. Desperate for that dying scream. He felt morbid that he wanted to harvest people so badly. But hey, that’s all he has been doing for more than two hundred years.

He found himself muttering curses and nonsense to himself pretty often. Fortunately on this occasion, he wasn’t alone as he sat at the base of a huge oak. A fellow death god he’d grown fond of was watching beside him, her strawberry blonde hair sparkling against the buttery afternoon light sifting through autumn leaves.

“It is your fault, you know.” Petra replied with an apologetic smile. He wouldn’t have taken that response from anyone else, but he could stand her calming presence. “I’m still in wonder on how you didn’t kill him.”

Levi grunted a response, keeping his gaze fixed on that scrawny brunet. He’d already grown a lot since the fire. He was grinning wildly and talking to Armin, with huge hand gestures like what he was blabbering about was extremely important.

“I mean, I guess he’s cute.” Petra observed fondly. “But I wouldn’t have taken you to be the type to back down because of a sweet face.”

“Don’t talk like I know why I did it.” Levi sighed bitterly. He found himself regretting saving Eren often, even though he didn’t have the time or mind to spare for thoughts like those. The damage was done, all he had to do now was wait out this kid’s life and old age, and he’d move on.

“Well, what were you thinking when you did it, Levi?” Petra asked, her hazel eyes stretched wide with curiosity. Levi shrugged.

“I think I was just pissed at Erwin.” He admitted. He watched Eren stand up but proceed to trip over Armin’s little legs. “It was a form of protest.”

Petra pressed her lips together in order to hold back a laugh. “There’s other ways to protest you know. Other than involving some little kid.”

“I know; I don’t need your patronization, Petra.” Levi huffed. She was overcome with a thoughtful expression and walked over to the two boys, her red cloak flowing around her slim body. Maybe she wanted a closer look at them. Levi joined her as she knelt beside the children.

“I think you only made his life more difficult, you know.” Petra sighed, listening to the boys’ laughter. Levi shrugged.

“A hard life is better than no life at all, isn’t it?” He asked her, and she just looked down at the kids, vacant of an answer.

“You have to admit it, he’s cute.” Petra sighed wistfully, reaching out like she was going to pat Eren’s head, but backed off. She didn’t want to risk him becoming aware they were watching.

“He’s a little shit, is what he is.” Levi snapped matter-of-factly, but then he caught Petra’s expression and frowned. “What is it?”

“Wha?” She blinked out of her trance, followed with the lowering of her long lashes. “Oh...it’s just...I think I...I wanted kids. In my past life, I mean.”

Levi tilted his head at her. They rarely let themselves talk about past lives.

“I can’t be sure, it’s just a feeling.” Petra added in her defense. “I just don’t think I got to be that old. I-I think I...died young.” She formed the word _died_ slowly. “I wanted love, marriage, and kids...I still want that, actually.”

Levi nodded, but he couldn’t offer any empathy or sympathy. He didn’t think about those kind of things. Love? Maybe. Marriage? Doubtfully. Kids? Fuck no. And even if he did want those things, what did that matter? He couldn’t have them; those were human luxuries, and if Petra hadn’t noticed, she wasn’t human anymore.

But he had to be gentle. Petra was new; she’d appeared to them around when he believed to be the 1940s, making her only around 50 years old. She likely had people she’d known still alive on Earth. When gods are new, they tend to hold on to their human emotions for longer. Desperate for those dreams they’d had. The memories they want to remember. The first hundred years were always difficult.

Levi had accepted his life as a deity easily though. He didn’t want to remember his past. It was extra baggage. Access pain. Petra, though, obviously was still hurting. She probably wished endlessly for her memories, to know who she was, what was her purpose. The way that she looked at those boys was absolutely heart-breaking. Downcast eyes, set jaw, lips pressed tightly together, fighting the urge to cry. He wondered what on Earth had made this precious creature out to be a god of Death.

He could only guess it was because of how sturdy she really was. Petra was strong and loyal. He had a feeling if Erwin had told _her_ to kill Eren, she would’ve done it in a heartbeat. Even if she had to do it through tears. Petra was devoted to her tasks. Would always do what she knew she had to do, no matter what. That’s what made her someone worthy of being Death.

“Well, Levi,” Petra stood up, shaking off that moment of melancholy she’d allowed herself. “I’d better get going. Keep a good eye on him!”

“Will do, Petra.” Levi sighed as Petra disappeared into thin air, without a trace. There went his company. “Not like I can do anything else.”

Levi turned back and looked at the kids, who looked to be having a serious discussion. What book where they even looking at? He read the headline of the current page: " **Bigfoot** ". So they must have been looking at some kind of urban legend book.

“We could do it, Armin!” Eren was proclaiming wildly. Levi listened in. “When we’re older, let’s go to Oregon! If he’s real, we’ll find this bigfoot guy!”

“I think we should go to the ber-mu-da triangle.” Armin proposed. “We should find the loch ness monster.”

“Why’s that?” Eren asked, calming down long enough to lay back down in the grass.

“Well think about it.” Armin said, turning the pages so they were back on “ **Loch ness Monster** ” pages. “Who cares bout Oregon? The ocean is still so mysterious! No one knows bout it! I’m positive there’s something hiding in it! I wanna know what’s out there!”

“Are you sure though, Armin?” Eren had an eager look in those eyes despite his words. “The bermoda is scary. I mean,” He spread his arms out dramatically. “Grown-ups die there all the time! We might die.”

“It’s worth it.” Armin assured him, smiling at the ‘ _possible shots of the loch ness monster_ ’. “Do you promise? When we grow up, we’re going. We’ll find out what’s in the ocean!”

“Yeah.” Eren grinned, showing Armin his pinkie and twirling it with Armin’s. “Pinkie Promise!”

Levi watched them make the promise, and looked at his own fingers. He remembered the kid making him do that very thing a few years back. It seemed like Eren took those things pretty seriously.

Levi sat down by a tree nearby as the kids started going on about plans. Maybe they’d get a plane, or even a boat? No, they’ll get a submarine. Then they’ll make a trap and they’ll catch the monster. How deep in the ocean could they go, they wonder? How much can they explore? Levi pitied them; Kids were so naïve; the future feels so far and any dream is possible. But as they get older, they’ll learn that that isn’t the case. Life really was just a disappointing mess, and it was all because of the shackles people received from bills and stress and imminent worries.

Worries about money, worries about love, worries about running out of time. The chances they’d get to keep that promise were fairly low. To be honest, that fact bothered Levi. It angered him that life had become such a fruitless event as centuries passed, where dreams are wasted even when they are right at their fingertips.

Imagine wanting to explore the depths of the ocean five centuries ago. That would be such a far-fetched dream, extremely ridiculous, but likely a dream someone would have. Now? That dream is so possible it hurts, but money and disapproval and so many other factors will probably keep these kids from doing it, anyway.

Or the fact Eren shouldn’t go anywhere was also one of those factors, since he inevitably will die. If not for Levi, of course.

Eren’s excitement died after a while and he looked back at the book in the grass. He looked uncomfortable and nervous about what he was about to say.

“Does the book say anything about guardian angels?”

“Guardian angels?” Armin repeated, flipping to the contents page. “I don’t think so...that’s more of a religious thing, I think...”

“Hm” was all Eren replied with, still looking down at the pages. Finally, “What do you think of it?”

“Me? Well...” Armin scratched his head. “They protect people, right? I mean, I guess it could be, but...Why do you ask?”

Eren didn’t answer immediately. He stared at the ground, biting his lip. He fiddled with his thumbs nervously and finally murmured, “I think I have one.”

Levi froze.

What.

“Seriously?” Armin gasped, shutting the book. “Why do you think that?”

Eren looked around the park like he was worried someone would be watching. Then in a hushed voice, “Ya know how I’m always getting in trouble?”

Armin snorted. “Well, that’s ‘cause you like messing with the teacher behind her back.”

“No!” Eren shook his head, scooting closer to Armin so he could talk quieter. “I mean, how I’m almost getting hurt all the time.”

Levi didn’t like where this innocent conversation was going. Guardian angel? The only thing Levi could guess he was talking about was himself. Did Eren remember him? Levi found himself backing away but staying in earshot.

“Oh.” Armin’s smile faded as they reached a more serious topic. “Like your...um... _near-death_ stuff?”

Eren nodded solemnly, and then what Eren was saying seemed to sink in.

“You think someone’s saving you?” He guessed loudly as he sat up, and Eren shhed him urgently.

“Not so loud, Armin!” He chastised, and Armin covered his mouth, “And...I don’t just think. I _know_.”

Armin waited for an explanation, and Eren sighed.

“I’ve seen him, Armin. I see him sometimes when I almost die. Like...he’s the one who saved me. He's always there.” Eren seemed like he was really itching at old memories. “I talked to him during the fire when my mom died.”

Holy horse shit. This brat could remember. How on earth was he remembering? That’s...that’s supposed to be impossible. People can’t hold on to memories of gods. That was impossible.

If Armin’s eyes could get any bigger, they did. “Sounds like a ghost. What did he look like?”

“He’s awesome! He’s taller than me, with...and...” Eren looked troubled. “Well, I can’t ever remember much, but...He’s always in the dark. I don’t know.”

The gears in Armin’s head must have been moving at a hundred miles per hour. Something told Levi he’d already been wondering about Eren’s chronic deadly events.

“Do you know who he is? Is he here?” Armin started glancing around the park.

Eren shook his head. “I never find him. But there was a name...but...It’s fuzzy. I’ve just called him Captain.”

Captain. _You’re like Captain America. You’re like a superhero, aren’t you?_

Was that it? Maybe Eren retained the memory by making something tangible out of it, through the word ‘captain’. But still...That seemed so far-fetched. He was only a little kid.

“Captain...” Armin reiterated incredulously, and pulled his legs up to his chest. “Are you sure you didn’t make him up?”

“Of course! Positic!”

“Positive.”

“Positive!” Eren rephrased. “I’m positive he’s real. Do you believe me?”

Armin looked hesitant to believe it. He started twirling his blond hair nervously.

“Eren...I don’t know.” He said. “You might be seeing things. There’s gotta be a different explanation for your problem. Have you thought about—”

“Armin.” Eren interrupted. He looked desperate. “I’ve. Seen. Him. You gotta believe me.”

Armin shrugged. Eren blinked at him, a pained expression on his face.

“Do you think I’m crazy?” He asked slowly. Armin shrugged again.

“You can’t be _crazy_.” Armin clarified. “But I mean...A guardian angel?”

Eren stood up angrily, his face getting red. “You do. I knew it! I knew you’d just think I’m stupid!”

“Eren wait!” Armin reached out to stop him, but Eren was already running away into the park. Armin watched him leave miserably and Levi begrudgingly went to follow the idiotic green eyed brat.

Eren found a path and wandered into the wooded area, kicking up leaves in his way and sniffling. Levi matched pace with him and walked beside him, listening to him grumbling to himself.

“What a jerk. I’m not crazy. I’m not.”

“No, you’re not, brat.” Levi answered, although Eren wouldn’t hear him. “You’re just stupid to think he’d believe you.”

“He should’ve believed me.” Eren grumbled, and Levi was scared for a moment he _had_ heard him. But Eren made no notion he did. “He’s supposed to be my friend.”

Levi almost did feel bad. Eren wasn’t supposed to be burdened with any memory of him. Humans weren’t supposed to be fully aware of celestial business. But Eren now had a glimpse into it, and it wasn’t going to treat him well.

“I know he’s real.” Eren went over to himself, but he sounded unsure. “If I could just see him, I could be sure...”

Eren suddenly stopped. Levi did too, and watched a determined expression fall over Eren’s youthful face.

“You’re there, aren’t you?” Eren called out. Levi didn’t answer. It wouldn’t have mattered anyway.

“Captain?” Eren repeated, his green eyes shining gold in the autumn landscape. A breeze tousled his brown hair softly as he waited for a reply he wouldn’t receive. This was very odd. What was he planning?

“Fine.” Eren stalked off the path and found a very tall tree on the edge of the woods. He jumped up to a branch and started climbing it.

“What the fuck are you doing.” Levi demanded, although he was still invisible to the boy. Eren kept struggling up branches, and Levi kept his eyes fixed on him, worry starting to prick at his brain. Eren was not someone who should be at any heights. Heights are where many of his near-death experiences occurred.

Then it dawned on him. Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

“You’re trying to fucking get yourself killed.” Levi processed, his jaw agape. Eren was putting himself in a bad situation so Levi would have to save him. That clever little fuck.

“I’m not gonna fall for it.” Levi called to the boy who was starting to get very high up. The branches were getting thin. He put an impatient hand on his hip. He was getting too high up.

“No.” Levi said again, mostly to himself. “It is my job, but I _can_ just let you die, brat.”

But seeing as how Eren could neither see nor hear Levi, he kept climbing, which was getting steadily slower. He was frighteningly far off the ground now. He didn’t get how an eight year old kid made it that far without falling. The whole tree top was waving from Eren’s weight.

“Yeah.” Levi decided, crossing his arms. “I’m just gonna let you fall. See if I care.”

Levi had to squint to see Eren now, and he could only spot him because of the green hoodie and blue jeans he wore against the browns and warm colors of the almost leafless trees. The branch Eren was standing on now was about as thick as a soda can.

“Okay!” Eren shouted down, maybe in hopes his Captain was listening. Which of course he was. “I’m gonna jump unless you show yourself!”

Levi kept his lips pressed together. He wouldn’t really do it.

“Three!” Eren called. Nope, he would chicken out. This was Eren Jaeger...Okay, Eren Jaeger never chickened out of shit, but no. He was bluffing him. And even if he did, Levi could save him while he was falling. He still might get hurt—

“Two!”

Nope. He couldn’t possibly trust Levi that much. This was ridiculous. Eren would just climb back down—

“One—!” Aaand, he jumped.

Damn it, he fucking did it. Eren screamed as he went through the branches, but he didn’t have to fall for long. Lucky for Levi (and Eren who was currently falling to his death), he could will the universe to work for his own advantage. Breathing underwater, impossible transportation, it didn’t matter. Levi wasn’t restrained by a human body. So, he surged his form up and caught Eren mid-fall, which simultaneously shattered the mist hiding Levi from Eren’s sight.

Eren didn’t open his eyes though, obviously too terrified, until Levi lowered them and set him on the safe ground. Eren hadn’t made it scratch-free. In fact, he looked like he was very scratched up from branches and even had a cut on his cheek. But that didn’t stop the relief and delight from flooding into those big green eyes when he saw Levi.

“It...” Eren blinked at Levi to take in the sight. He held his arm to make sure Levi stayed. “It’s you!”

“You’re a little shit.” Levi chastised as Eren started rubbing his arms, apparently registering the pain. He ignored how harsh he may have sounded. “Why the hell did you risk your life like that, you idiot?”

Then Eren sniffled, heart-brokenly, tears at the corner of his eyelids.

“Wait. Eren, No.”

He sniffled again. “I wanted...wa-wanted to see captain...”

“No. Okay no.” Levi said more firmly. “Don’t cry. Eren, do not cry.”

“I-I’m sorry.” He whimpered again, his eyes too glassy. “Bu-but it jus-t hu-hurts...”

“I swear, if you fucking cry—”

Too late. The shake of the shoulders came and Eren became a sobbing third-grader mess.

“Stop doing that. Eren-Eren stop.” Levi waved his hands in front of him in a meager attempt to make him stop, but it was to no avail. Damn it, he would start attracting people like this, crying so loud.

“Okay, okay, fuck, what do you want me to do?” Levi pleaded, trying to tone down his irritancy. Eren continued weeping but held his little arms out.

Ugggghhh.

Eren opened his eyes briefly, pleadingly and heartbrokenly. Damn it.

Levi hated kids.

Reluctantly, Levi knelt down and wrapped his arms around Eren, who collapsed into his hold. Eren cried more softly, and whether that was because he was actually consoled by a fucking god of Death or was simply muffled by Levi’s cloak, he wasn’t sure.

“Don’t you dare get snot on my clothes, kid.” Levi warned, but Eren just clung to Levi wordlessly, pressing his little face into Levi’s chest. Against the bite of autumn air, Eren was very warm. Levi was probably cold. Eren was full of life, while Levi definitely was not.

Eren choked out words. “W-who are you?”

Levi clearly remembered telling him his name before, but Eren’s memory seemed to blur around any interactions with Levi. He’d likely forget the details of this encounter, too. But still, the fact he remembered _anything_ was enough to surprise Levi.

“Levi.” He said quietly, stroking the boy’s quivering back soothingly. Eren’s shaking died down a bit and Levi moved into a more comfortable position, cradling Eren in his lap. Levi hated himself for this. He wasn’t supposed to keep contact with Eren, let alone console him. Hopefully Erwin wouldn’t catch wind of this.

After what felt like an eternity, even for Levi, he asked, “Are you all right now?”

He gave a faint nod and pushed away, sniffling and wiping his eyes. He sat down beside Levi.

“I’m not crazy, am I Captain?” He questioned in a trembling, cracking voice. “You’re real, right?”

Could Levi truly be sure? What qualified him as “ _real_ ”?

“Yes, Eren.” Levi sighed. “I’m real. You’re not crazy.”

Eren’s face brightened a bit at that. He seemed fine now, so Levi flicked his nose.

Eren yelped, grabbing his nose. “Ow! Wha was that for?”

“A couple things, brat.” claimed Levi. He pointed up at the tree Eren had climbed. “Never do that again, you hear me?”

Eren nodded, but Levi didn’t buy it.

“I don’t care if you want to see me, and I don’t care if you trusted me.” He said. “Don’t _ever_ purposefully put yourself in danger. You’re going to be in danger often enough, anyways. Don’t make my job harder, capiche?”

“capiche.” Eren nodded again, but he didn’t look that unhappy to be taking a lecture. He looked downright cheerful since the crying stopped.

“Also,” Levi began. “You have to apologize to your friend.”

Eren blushed. “You heard that?”

“You said yourself I’m always there.” Levi noted, and then felt uncomfortable admitting that to him. He just insinuated he really _was_ Eren’s guardian.

Levi ran a hand through his hair. “You were asking too much of Armin to believe this.”

“B-but I...” Eren started timidly. Levi tried to soften his tone.

“Give him time; he may be able to believe you.” Levi told him, trying to soften his tone. “But respect him if he doesn’t.”

“Okay.” Eren said, looking dejected about it.

Levi glared down at him, finally reaching his last point, although he wasn’t sure Eren remembered (why did he feel offended?). “Also, you broke your side of the deal.”

“What?” Eren blinked at him in confusion, but seemed to recall what Levi was talking about when he lifted up his pinkie.

“I didn’t break it!” He denied desperately, realizing what Levi was no longer bound to do. He shook Levi’s shoulder. “Honest!”

“You did too, liar.” Levi grumbled, wiping some blood off the cut on Eren’s cheek. “You weren’t supposed to tell anyone about me, remember? You told Armin.”

Eren puffed out his cheeks. “I didn’t mean to! Please don’t leave again!”

“ _Come back again_ ” was Levi’s side of the bargain, back when Eren was five. The tension left Levi’s face momentarily when Eren said it, though, so desperate to not face his consequences. Please don’t leave again?

“Why?” the question inevitably fell from Levi’s lips. He wanted to be asking Why should he stay, but he really wanted to know why Eren _cared_. Eren wouldn’t look at him.

“I don’t know.” He mumbled, picking up a dead leaf. “You... make me safe. My dad used to bring home scary people, always yelling... and they hurt me and mommy.”

Levi was quiet.

“And then you showed up when I needed you.” Eren finished, a smile tugging at his lips. “Like a superhero.”

There he went with that ‘superhero’ stuff again. Levi was beginning to feel guilty. He wasn’t guilty for taking him away from that bastard Grisha, but he felt misleading. Eren had the whole thing flipped upside down. Levi wasn’t a superhero, he was a Death god who ended lives. He was supposed to kill Eren, not save him. And the only reason he continued protecting him was because he was being punished.

There was nothing heroic about that.

“I don’t want you to leave.” Eren told him again, tearing up the leaf he’d picked up. “I’m sorry, Levi.”

Like Levi really gave a damn about his promise. It’s not like telling Armin was going to kill anyone. It took a second for Levi to realize he’d smiled, why the hell did he smile?

Maybe it just felt nice for someone to care so much. Levi exhaled slowly and held his pinkie out to Eren.

“New promise, then.” He said when Eren gave him a puzzled look. “You promise not to purposefully put yourself in danger again, and I’ll stay.”

Eren’s face lit up like a goddamn firefly. And something about it made Levi’s chest warm.

“Okay!” He agreed eagerly, interlocking his littler finger with Levi’s and once again, making their promise something not to be broken.

But Levi knew better. After he was invisible again, Eren wouldn’t even know his name.

And that disappointed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> does it look like i know what im doing cause i definitely dont lololol
> 
> thank you for the kudos and comments and reading everyone! Again, feel free to contact me if you want!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While being dragged along on a trip to Niagara Falls, Eren feels at his wit's end when it comes to chronically finding himself at Death's door step. But the holder of his answers refuses to show himself, except when he desperately needs him. And even then the man Eren dreams about doesn't speak. Didn't he promise he wouldn't leave?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> time skip to Eren at 15 years old

There were two things Eren was completely sure of.

One: Eren had near-death experiences more often than he should.

Really, he wasn’t kidding. The number of vehicles that grazed Eren’s hair as they barely missed him was countless. Eren avoided walking by construction sites because of the suspended beams that liked to fall on him and hardly failed in crushing him. Eren’s life felt like an episode of that cartoon ‘Road-Runner.’ He was still waiting to look up and see a grand piano falling on him.

It was like the heavens were treating him like a fucking mouse in a maze. It was ever since the fire, and his biological father got arrested. For some weird reason, the world seemed to decide it wanted Eren dead. And frankly, it terrified him. He was fifteen now and it never relented.

The other thing Eren knew: The reason these experiences were only “near” and not “death” was because...

Well, the only clear way he could put it was he had a guardian angel.

Eren had a feeling he wasn’t supposed to tell anyone. Not like they would believe him, anyway. He only told Armin, and he would listen, but he doubted Armin believed a word he said. Armin was probably just searching for a logical solution, and that’s why he always pestered him about it. He did still find it intriguing, and always heard him out, ever since Eren told him about Captain.

All right. His name wasn’t Captain. Eren knew that, but for some reason, he could never remember the name the strange person gave him. And thanks to Eren’s early love for marvel films, the dumb childhood connection Eren had made that first time was all he had. At least, Eren was pretty sure he gave him a name. He could never remember anything clearly.

Eren wanted so badly to see him again. Eren felt himself missing talking to him, even if he didn't feel like he ever _had_ spoken to him. 

“Mina’s still single.” Armin was saying. “Or, Sasha? She seems nice.”

They were standing out by Niagara Falls, eating ice cream bars in the ridiculous heat. Eren didn’t really want to go to the falls, but Armin begged him, and tourist destinations were like honey to flies for Armin’s parents. There was also the fact that every time Eren went somewhere he was almost killed, but hey. He didn’t want to let everyone down. Just don’t blame him when some stupid one-in-ten-million-chance event takes place.

“Come on, we both know she’d date a bacon strip before dating me.” Eren grunted in reply. Armin spent a lot of time telling Eren to get a girlfriend—or boyfriend, he wasn’t sure nor did he care. He seemed to think it would give Eren a distraction; having someone else occupying his thoughts.

You know, so he wasn’t thinking about Captain on a daily basis. Eren wanted to laugh at the gesture. Like he’d be able to get him out of his thoughts.

Armin bit off the top of his fudge bar. “Seriously, Eren. There’s got to be someone you like.”

 _Someone, yeah, maybe a little,_ Eren bit back. _Except I can’t even be sure he’s_ real.

“What makes you think everyone wants to date me?” He asked, and Armin raised an eyebrow.

“Have you seen yourself?” He leered, and Eren shoved him lightheartedly.

“Stop that Armin,” He demanded from him despite grinning. “it’s weird!”

“Whatever, then.” Armin shrugged. “Don’t face the facts.”

“Sounds like you’re the one who wants me.”

He winked and laughed, but then turned back to look at the water. “You should really focus on something else though, Eren. He’s all you talk about when we’re alone.”

“It’s not that often!” Eren denied.

“Well, even if you aren’t talking, I can tell who you’re thinking about.”

Eren sucked in a breath and huffed. Armin always managed to know. “Talking about him keeps me from forgetting.”

Armin looked at him with commiserate eyes. “How many times have you actually ‘seen’ him now? Do you remember?”

Eren thought back. His near-death experiences happened a lot, but he only glimpsed Captain on occasion. He knew for sure he saw him during the fire. Again when Eren was six a bus almost hit him, but someone pulled him out of the way.

When Eren was ten, he fell off the apartment building roof, but his fall was broken by someone catching him. When Eren was thirteen, he making a toaster strudel and the toaster caught on fire and, well, you get the idea.

But he never saw him for more than the time it took to save him, which never took too long. He never got the chance to stop him, to speak to him, to demand answers, or even at least thank him. He was always gone the moment later.

Eren sometimes debated jumping off buildings just to see him, but a voice always tugged at the back of his mind, _“Don’t ever purposefully put yourself in danger.” “Promise you won’t put yourself in danger”_. Eren felt positive it was Captain speaking to him those words, but how was that true if Eren had never spoken to him? He felt like he was missing pieces of his memory. Dammit, why didn't he explain anything to Eren?

“I’m not sure really.” Eren sighed, standing upright to stretch. “Everything’s always fuzzy when it comes to him.”

Armin looked up thoughtfully, his blond hair shining against the sunlight. “Hey Eren...”

“Yeah?”

“Why aren’t you dead?”

“You’re asking me.” Grumbled Eren in reply. “I’m starting to think I should be in Guinness world records.”

Armin chuckled. “You’re not kidding. But I mean...Eren,” he met Eren’s eyes with a purely vexed expression. “Do you remember when you fell off the roof?”

“Yeah.”

“And you got off with nothing but a scraped knee.”

“I know.”

“Eren, that fall should’ve killed you.”

“I know.”

Armin threw out his arms in frustration. “I don’t get it!”

Eren exhaled slowly, throwing his Popsicle stick into the waterfall. The falls really were an astounding sight. The water looked a pearly white, and across the wide rippling river was Canada. It sounded like a consistent rumble of thunder. He couldn’t even see the whole U of waterfall from the silvery mist surrounding it and the breeze sometimes doused them in a faint spray. He wished he’d have a better view, but with the tourists everywhere, cameras and chatter and shuffling feet, he didn’t really have a chance.

Looking down, he could see how far the fall was; a steep cliff of greens leading straight down to the water. He’d fallen from heights bigger than this, thanks to his terrible luck. That wasn’t to say his stomach didn’t clench, feeling like some outside force would tip him over the edge.

“I know, Armin.” Eren rolled his head up to that clear blue sky. “I’ve really begun to think God hates me. So you know what? I’m gonna hate him back. Fuck you, God.”

“Eren, come on.” Armin warned, but Eren was busy giving the sky the bird.

“Yeah. Take that, ya fucker.”

“Eren there are children around.”

“God, you are the biggest cock face to ever shit on my fucking—”

“Eren!” Armin hissed, trying to suppress a smile.

Eren smiled, ignoring the petrified innocent tourists. “Okay, I’m done. We should go find your parents.”

“I think they found the tourist shops.”

“Oh crap, we’ll never be able to get them out now.”

“Yeah.” Armin smiled, walking away from the thick-barred fences separating the sight-seeing tourists from the huge falls. Eren managed to keep it to himself, but it went further than a joke, hating God.

He was absolutely pissed.

Why the hell was everything out to get him? His life got completely ruined when he was young, his home burned to the ground, mother dead, father arrested. And now, his luck was at the lowest point it could possibly be, being almost killed all the time, and he’s seen some terrifying things during those instances. He constantly received nightmares foretelling his imminent death. It wasn’t fair.

He didn’t want to appear like some whiny brat, though. So he kept it to himself. People would say _God above is blessing you! God is saving you every time! Be thankful!_

He wasn’t even entirely sure of his religious beliefs, but if “God” wanted to save him, he wouldn’t be throwing him in the situations in the first place.

No. Someone else was saving him. And that someone was always watching where Eren couldn’t see him. And sometimes it just pissed him off because he probably knew why this was happening to him but he kept his mouth shut. Honestly yeah, he was lucky to an extent. He was pretty sure most people would refuse to leave their houses with the anxiety of death around every corner. Maybe a bit of therapy on the side. But Eren was too stubborn for that. And there was someone he trusted to catch him when he fell.

Maybe he should’ve stayed home on this particular day, though. Because the inevitable but improbable happened.

It was in the next moment, as Armin and he walked along the huge Niagara River with the crowds of youth groups and families, everything went to shit. Again.

Someone was running from the opposite direction, plowing through the crowds, pushing people over. People were yelling “catch him! Stop him!” Cops were chasing him. Was he a robber of some sort? Killer? Armin and Eren leaped back from the people backing away, but it didn’t help anything.

The man pushed through a group beside them. They knocked right into Eren. And then Eren lost balance and fell. Where did he fall? You guessed it.

Right into the fucking river.

“Eren!” Armin shrieked, reaching out, but he barely heard it before plunging into the chilly river and his head was submerged. He hit his head on the shallow bottom. The initial shock was the cold soaking his body. And then his jumbled mind taking in the fact, this isn’t just any river.

They hadn’t been far from the falls. He had seconds to get out. Oh shit. Not fucking again. Oh god. Can he take back what he said to God back there?

Eren couldn’t get his limbs to move for himself. This was only around three foot deep, but the current pulling him was too strong, he couldn’t stand. He felt sticks flowing past with the water, grazing his skin. Eren was able to thrash to the surface again, but he could only scream. He couldn’t even open his eyes with the river splashing against him. He faintly heard the sounds of people yelling and shouting, maybe to find help, but it was definitely too late for him.

He could hear the falls stronger than ever. There were people that survived this, right? Of course, those are probably people in the world with the best luck, not the worst like him.

Eren’s stomach churned as water overwhelmed him, pulling him faster and faster to the edge. That huge, god awful edge. Adrenaline in his system was trying hard to give him the energy to swim away, but there was nothing he could do; the pressure of the current overpowered him. Eren shut his eyes and felt the water take a dive downward, over the edge.

The sensation was probably similar to the first hill of a roller coaster, except without the safety of a track or seatbelts. And there wasn't water pressure so strong Eren felt like he was being stabbed. Or the fact that the impact of water from—what was it on this side? 34 meters?—it was sure to crush him anyway. Not to mention the sharp rocks at the bottom. No matter how much he’d been through, it was pretty hard to tell this one _“bring it on.”_

The water was too resilient...It felt like ten million fire hoses dosing him. Water, pain, water pain. Fuckfuckfuck. Eren couldn’t even clear my mind. There was nothing he could think. He couldn’t even scream anymore...He was passing out...at least it wouldn’t hurt if he passed out...water, pain. Water...

Arms.

Someone’s arms were around Eren, they just _appeared_ there, clutching him to their chest, blocking out some of the pain of water hitting like daggers. That was impossible...He’d already fallen...This isn’t a fucking superman movie...Those physics were impossible anyway...

“You’re insults are shit, kid.”

That chilling, calm, voice spoke in his ear, somehow clear over the hums of wind and cascading water. The voice he longed to hear since the fire. The thought of fire contrasted so much with this. Dry air and heat. Now it was suffocating water and cold. But that voice was the same. The one he missed when he went to sleep, it was him. He kept his promise... His name...

Eren and he crashed into the water pooled below. Some way, as if he’d only fallen a few feet, he felt no pain. Besides, of course, the water plummeting down and forcing him to the bottom. But he didn’t hit any rocks, and the man didn’t let go of Eren. The movement gradually began to cease, and he sank lower into the water, further from the vibrations of gushing waters.

The lack of resonances gave Eren a moment of tranquility. Below the surface, the water felt so much smoother and connected, calm. Miniscule bubbles tickled Eren’s limbs, and he dared to screw open his eyes.

The murky water stung, but Eren managed to see him in front. It was Captain. there in tints of blue and green, he was really there. After seeing him so close Eren had to ask himself how he'd ever forgotten such a face.

Furrowed thin eyebrows, obscure eyes, pouty lips, chiseled jaw. Through the haze of Eren’s thoughts he tried like hell to memorize him. The man watched Eren’s baffled face with squinting steely blue eyes, the water tossing his short, dark hair around slowly. He wore a cloak that flowed freely around his slender body.

He was so calm, like the water right then. It was like the fact they were in water had no effect on him. Did he even need to breathe? Unlike Eren, he wasn’t releasing any bubbles. And how was he possibly fighting against the current?

He stopped Eren from dying again...but dammit, he felt like he was going to pass out...He couldn’t focus on holding his breath...He felt it getting dark again. Eren gave up straining and shut his eyes again. His lungs felt like they were on fire. He was going to drown...?

“Don’t you dare, brat. Hold on.”

His voice somehow carried through the water, as if it spoke into Eren’s mind. The mysterious man pulled Eren towards him again, holding him from behind his neck. He covered Eren’s nose as his strength to stop water from entering his body gave out and he finally inhaled...and he was given air.

Air from him.

His mouth had pressed against Eren’s, somehow giving Eren oxygen, allowing him to breathe. Eren couldn’t move as his lungs were filled again from his lips. His body felt cold, like the water, but smooth and soft. He held Eren firmly, the two of them suspended in the open water peacefully. Eren knew Levi was always there...but he’d never felt so real before. Levi usually felt like a glimpse, some sort of illusion, but now...

Holy shit.

 _Levi._ His name was Levi. He remembered it now. After all this time, he remembered. Levi saving him from the fire and every time after. Levi talking with him, chastising him, holding him. Eren was wrong, he spoke to him all the time. Levi promising him he’d come back, promising he’d stay. Levi.

That finally set Eren’s mind back into gear. When Levi pulled away, he tugged Eren forward by the arm, to move, to get to the surface. Eren had to help. _Stay awake_ , he told himself. _You’re going to talk to him. Don’t let him go_.

Levi. Levi. Levi. Levi. Don’t let him go this time.

Eren couldn’t tell where the surface was, but it was taking a long time to make it. Eren had never really specialized in an ability to hold his breath, so whenever he needed it, Levi turned around and breathed air into him again. Eren forced himself not to focus on the ecstasy he felt each time. Did this guy have gills or something? How was he possibly doing that?

Why was he doing so much to help Eren? That was the biggest question he had. Well, the gills thing was important, too. But he wanted to— _needed_ to know, why he did it? Who was he? Didn’t he risk his own life in saving him all the time?

The idea of ‘guardian angels’ was so childish and ridiculous. But that was honestly the best answer Eren could come up with on his own. Eren looked up on the internet, desperate for someone, anyone who’d had the same experience. But he was alone.

Was Eren crazy? Why did Levi feel so real? And there was no way he was surviving this shit alone. Levi’s not quite the image people have for angels; he looked more similar to a demon. What in God’s name was he?

Light filtering through the surface became brighter. Eren could see the blurry greens of trees and sky now, far from the deadly torrent of the falls. He wanted to pass out so badly. His head ached, his body ached, his chest was burning, he should be dead, but he focused on the man’s hand holding his wrist.

God dammit, don’t forget again. Levi. Levi. Levi. Don’t forget him again.

They broke surface and Eren had never taken a deeper breath of air in his life. His lungs scorched from the lack of it; he felt like puking. But Levi kept moving impatiently, pulling Eren to the edge in the calmer waters.

He realized what the intention was. Levi had waited to resurface until they were far from civilization’s sights. No one would notice Eren had made it out. He wasn’t sure if that made him feel better.

They finally found the edge of Niagara’s lower river, a good 50 meters or so from the falls and edge where Eren had fallen from. Holy shit, did he really just go down the Niagara Falls. He really just went down the Niagara Falls.

With some forceful assistance from Levi, Eren pulled himself onto the bank, soaked to the bone, breathing heavily. His clothes felt incredibly heavy. He shivered, feeling the warm dirt underneath him, and man did he never wanted to swim again.

Levi didn’t wait for him to get up. He started moving into the shadows of the trees...

Wait. This was the part. He’d seen that back too many times. This was the part where Levi would disappear.

Eren ignored the fact nothing made sense. He ignored the pain in his muscles as he gathered the energy to stand. He couldn’t take this anymore.

“Levi!” He shouted, his voice cracking from his wariness. Levi spun around on his heel, surprise on his face for half a second. But then he recovered and glared daggers into Eren.

“Keep your voice down.” Levi demanded with a cool expression. “Do you _want_ everyone pestering you about how you survived that?”

“No! Just—” Eren paused. This was weird. This was the first time he’d received an answer from him since he was five. At least, he'd thought it was for a long time.

Eren took in the sight, looking Levi up and down. He wore a black cloak over his clothing and the two frighteningly sharp blades glinting at his sides. Plain dark slacks covered his legs and a gray button up shirt over his chest, topped off with a fancy looking white cravat-thing on his neck.

“You’re shorter than I expected.”

Levi’s eye twitched. “Wow.”

“No! Wait, I’m sorry. Don’t...” Eren pleaded, approaching him slowly. “Don’t leave.”

Levi just stared at him for a moment, and finally grabbed Eren by the shirt and pulled him in the shade of the trees where no one could see them.

“How did you know my name?” Levi demanded, holding Eren almost nose to nose. Eren quivered under his scowl. Maybe he should refrain from calling him short?

“I-I don't know. But...tell me what you’re doing.” Eren said quietly, not wanting to anger him further but not wanting him to leave. “Don’t pretend I haven’t seen you saving me all the time.”

Levi’s furrow deepened, noticeably perplexed.

He murmured, “How the hell do you always remember me?” but the question didn’t feel directed toward Eren.

“What do you mean—”

“Never mind.” Levi shook his head, letting go of Eren’s shirt and stepping aside. “Go find the Arlerts. They’re probably shitting themselves right now. And then get out of here; you don’t want to be broadcasted.”

“But...W-wait, dammit!” Eren yelled, trying to follow him. “Explain this to me! Why are you always doing this?”

Levi kept walking ahead.

“Who the fuck are you?”

“You know that already.” Levi told him without turning.

“But...Why? Why does this happen to me?”

“That’s nothing of your concern.” Levi insisted. Eren stumbled forward and grabbed Levi’s hand, forcing him to swivel around.

“To hell it’s not my concern.” Eren growled, anger boiling up. Why did he want Eren in the dark? Eren’s life was so fragile and this guy might know why, but he won’t tell him. And fuck, he didn't want him to leave yet. While half his dreams were nightmares, the others were only Levi.

Levi tried to pull his arm away but Eren yanked him closer, not letting go of his guarded gaze. The way he looked at him scared him. How dare Eren feel obligated to understand. How dare he ask Levi questions. He had no right. The way he looked at him made Eren feel little. But he was determined to see what was under that look.

“You said you’d stay.” Eren muttered, regrettably feeling like a whiny kid again. His hand tightened on Levi's, cold and hard. “You promised me. Don't forget that.”

Eren couldn’t read Levi’s expression. His thin lips parted for a moment, and Eren barely kept himself from flushing as he recalled those same thin lips pressing against his own.

“C'est toi qui oubliés, gosse.”

Eren blinked at him, not quite expecting the response. “What?”

Levi smiled, barely detectable, and tugged his arm free to walk away again.

“I remember.” Levi said looking back, holding up his pinkie. What, was he mocking him now? Eren balled his fists.

“Then don’t leave!” He yelled, chasing after him, but Levi disappeared into the shadows, only leaving behind the echo of his answer.

“I never left.”

Eren was alone again.

He felt defeated. He failed to stop him, again. And he already felt the name slipping away. Again.

"That's not what I mean, Levi."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry but tbh you should've been able to guess what would happen in this chapter the moment it said niagara falls
> 
> What Levi told him was along the lines of "You're the one who forgets, kid", but disclaimer I do not speak french  
> Hope you enjoyed the chapter, thank you for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren has turned eighteen, but never had his concerns with Levi lessened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well hey, early update in the middle of the night cause the rest of this week is going to be hella busy! (last big time skip btw, from 15 to 18)

The Arlerts and Eren had moved, soon after Eren took a tumble down the Niagara Falls.

Levi guessed they thought it’d be safer or something for Eren. They were probably right. Living in a more remote area without the risk of gangs and heavy traffic and of course, those lovely fucking construction beams, was a good decision. The parents still hadn’t the slightest idea why Eren always ended up in jeopardy, but they’d decided to help with what they could. Now they lived in a small suburb outside of the city where Armin’s dad could still commute to work.

And it was apparent that Eren once again, lost his clear memory of Levi. And Levi really wished it would be an all or nothing type of thing. It sort of pained him to see it when Eren talked to Levi when he was alone, asking him to show up. But Levi never did. And it was worse when Eren was just, talking. Casual conversation with someone he wasn’t even sure was there. It almost made Levi look forward to when Eren was in danger, because he’d have the excuse to talk to him and watch the relief in those ocean eyes.

Erwin told him Levi shouldn’t be keeping contact with the teenager. Because Levi was supposed to be making Eren’s life as normal as possible. Befriending gods was not a normal thing.

But that hadn’t stopped Eren. Whenever Levi did have to show himself, Eren became harder and harder to deal with. Pounding him with questions, forcing him to talk, begging him to stay in sight. And watching Eren’s disappointment when he didn’t was getting harder as well. Keeping his distance, not talking to him when he’s lonely, not holding him when he’s upset, was getting harder. The Niagara Falls was all the more difficult.

Because that time, Eren remembered Levi’s name all by himself. How the hell did he do that? Levi tended to notice that if Eren remembered his name, he was able to recover all the memories of him. But Levi hadn’t told him. Eren remembered it himself.

Was Eren beginning to remember him?

No, Levi was just grasping at straws. The Niagara Falls incident fell into the past, just as all the others did, and Eren forgot about most of it. The family never spoke about it with anyone else. The media only knew that someone went down the falls, and it’s speculated the unidentified person survived since a body was never found. Armin and Eren just laughed about it, now.

Now, which was about three years later. Levi was lying out on the rooftop like he usually did at night, outside Eren’s bedroom window. He personally liked the new location. Eren didn’t have as many horribly dangerous things so easily thrust in his path now. Although, that’s not saying he didn’t get horribly dangerous things anyway. Those twists of fate were pretty creative in trying to kill Eren.

But Levi also enjoyed the quiet nights, where the only sounds were early June cicadas and the only light were the stars and moon on clear evenings.

And back at the apartment, Levi couldn’t stay close without being in Eren’s room. Here, he was able to stay out on the roof beside his dormer, where Eren could have privacy. Levi would never get the images out of his mind from when Eren reached his adolescent years and began getting a bit “experimental” with himself.

Levi still let himself indulge in watching Eren’s more innocent moments, though. The times when he moseyed around his room silently, listening to music, pretending he was studying, his naps after rough days of school. He sang when he was home alone a lot. A pretty awful singer, but it ended up kind of endearing in its own way.

What was Eren doing now? He was probably trying to fall asleep. That kid ranged from two minutes to two hours falling into his slumber. What was on his mind those days? What left Eren tossing and turning, just an eighteen year old whose worries consisted of college and relationships?

Levi watched the night sky, basking in these moments of peace he had at nightfall. Unless Eren started choking in his sleep or something. He hadn’t done that yet but Levi wouldn’t put it past him.

Levi’s stomach constrained as he thought about Eren. He didn’t like how comfortable he was getting with this routine.

He had to constantly remind himself this was _temporary_ and the brat was _temporary_ , because he was really starting to like his existence surrounding Eren Jaeger.

As if on cue to interrupt the dreadful place these thoughts were going, Levi heard the sound of a window being pushed open and he twisted about to see.

Eren, fully awake, was getting on the roof top from his room. _Dammit, kid, if you fall down again, I swear..._

But he didn’t seem to have any intentions of falling. Instead, he laid down on the sand-textured shingles, a few feet from where Levi was lying.

Eren really had grown fast. Levi still felt that he should be a little kid, but now? He was taller than Levi, now. His jaw had sharpened with age and his body screamed his masculinity. The one thing that never seemed to age were those eyes. The color of jade, yet never jaded. Still so full of life and wonder. Levi had to ponder how he’d kept it.

The boy was wearing a white T shirt with jeans, which was the outfit he had worn to school that day. He often seemed to forget to change into sleepwear.

“Are you there?” Eren said out loud. Levi just looked at him, grown used to Eren’s pleads.

“You probably wouldn’t really care to listen to me, huh?” He continued with a small laugh. “But Armin’s asleep and it’s a school night but I feel like venting and he would just murder me if I woke him up. Did I ever tell you he’s not a morning person?”

“Of course I know.” Levi answered as he rested his head on his hands, even if Eren couldn’t hear. Levi really wanted to show himself. If it would make the brat finally shut up for once. But what would it matter? He always forgets, anyways. It would be like it never happened. And Eren had to stop worrying about seeing him. If Levi showed himself now, any progress made from that would go back to square one.

“He was always like that.” Eren sighed, the moon come out from behind a cloud, illuminating his face. “But he’s always been good to me. One of the few people that do actually stay with me. There’s four in fact.”

Armin and his parents make three, Levi figured to himself. Eren paused. “And you’re one of them, right?”

Levi shut his eyes, wishing he could shut out Eren’s voice as well.

“Why do you stay?” Eren probed him, completely in vain. “There’s nothing special about me. I mean, what other reason would no one else stay? I’m not _enough_ for most people, I guess. So why are you here? I wish you’d explain something to me. Or at least show your face.”

Levi sensed the bitterness in Eren’s tone there all too easily. He’d even expertly tossed in some self-pity with his jabs at Levi’s guilt.

“It’s so weird because...” the brunet sat up, his hand picking nervously at a shingle. It seemed like a conscious action the way his face was turned away from Levi. “I don’t know you, but I miss you. I’m not even sure if you exist, but I miss seeing you. And when I feel like I’m forgetting, I miss missing you. It’s pissing me off.”

Levi swallowed.

“Why do I want to see you so much? Why do I miss you?”

“It beats me. I’m not someone you should miss.”

He felt it happen without even thinking. Dammit, why didn’t Levi _think_ before he did shit anymore? This piece of shit made him irrational. But the way Eren’s voice had sounded right then was so angry yet broken and dejected. He was almost glad he hadn’t seen his face. Melancholy does not suit Eren Jaeger. Eren needed to be lively, coming up with stupid ideas, doing reckless things, talking without thinking.

And damn Levi for not being a physical being, since his actions counted on Levi’s mental control. If Levi starts wanting something, with his willpower, it’ll happen.

And in that moment, he wanted Eren to stop hurting. He wanted Eren to stop missing him.

Therefore—

“Holy shit!” Eren gasped, sitting up so fast he could’ve pushed off the roof, his eyes bigger than the moon. He’d swung his head around to the sound of his voice immediately, his gaze glued to Levi’s the moment he materialized. Levi grit his teeth, feeling the mistake like a bad sunburn. He was on a roll now with those damn slipups. But was it worth it seeing the damn happiness on Eren’s face? ...Maybe.

“Watch your language, idiot.” Levi told him, unsure what else to say. “And keep your voice down. I doubt you’re allowed on the roof.”

Eren covered his mouth briefly, and muttered a muffled, “Oh, sorry.”

Levi sighed and sat up with Eren, hearing how his breathing had eradicated even from where he was. Levi smirked.

“You’re not scared, are you?”

“W-what?” Eren said, like the thought was incomprehensible. “How the hell— _heck_ , sorry— could I be? I’ve wanted you to see you for...I don’t even know how long.”

The last time Levi had needed to make contact in order to save Eren was about a month ago. But Eren doubtfully had the slightest idea that conversation took place.

Levi watched cautiously as Eren scooted closer, his shining eyes on Levi so intense in made him uncomfortable. But then Eren asked, “So what changed?”

“What do you mean?” Levi shot back, resting an arm on his kneecap.

“What made you...show up?” Eren questioned him, his face serious. Levi had to think about that. What did change? Eren’s talked like that before, but he didn’t recall Eren talking about missing him like that. And he hated how his voice had simply sounded, that pain choking his words. It briefly reminded him of when Levi looked at Petra, trying to retain memories she’d never get back. That look like she wanted to cry, but couldn’t quite manage something so simple. It didn’t look right on Petra, and it looked stomach twisting to see it on Eren.

“You were pissing me off.” Levi replied finally. Well, that wasn’t quite what he’d meant to...fuck, whatever.

Eren winced and looked back. “Oh, well uh, sorry.” Then the kid grinned. “Should I piss you off more often?”

“Do it and I’ll push you off the roof.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“Watch me.”

“All right, all right, geesh.” Eren chuckled softly, putting up his hands in a surrender. Levi couldn’t believe how fast his mood had changed.

“Eren.” Levi began. “What was bothering you?”

“Something’s bothering me?” Eren repeated, tilting his head. Levi scowled at him.

“Come on, you said you needed to vent.” Levi said. “And if you wanted to vent, well I’m here now, so vent away.”

Eren’s breath hitched a little, his lips trying to restrain the pleased smile pulling at them.

“So you really do listen to me.” He stated, and Levi was really contemplating pushing him off the roof. But then Eren sighed and stretched his legs out where he sat.

“I just haven’t really had the best day.” Eren explained, fixing his eyes on the night sky. “You know, besides the constant almost-dying complex of mine.

“I don’t know if you knew about it, but I was dating this girl named Annie—I mean, it was mostly because Armin wanted me to, but anyway, we broke up today cause I found out she _cheated_ on me.”

He said that like the most shocking fact in existence, so Levi managed to cock an eyebrow.

“Yeah, she did that.” Eren continued, noticeably disappointed in Levi’s reaction. It seemed like a pretty small problem to have in Levi’s view though.

“I mean, she was the one who’d crushed on me for so long, I was a bit surprised, but...whatever. We had a long fight about it, and she blamed me for not really caring, and then we just...ended it. It’s not like I’m that upset about it, well I am upset about it but...I don’t know, I feel really betrayed. I never would’ve have expected that of her.”

“How did you feel about Annie?” Levi asked, surprised at himself for the curiosity. Levi did know Eren had been dating someone. Although Eren seemed distracted about it most of the time, he did look happy with her. Levi remembered watching them take walks together in every season. The blonde girl usually ended up laughing after the initial shock of Eren’s deadly accidents, and Eren would laugh with her. He remembered seeing them hug, cuddle, kiss, even. But Eren was never fully content with it, Levi knew. And he couldn’t help wondering if it was Levi’s existence that left him unable to focus on Annie, or anyone for that matter.

And whether that made Levi feel guilty or oddly satisfied, he wasn’t entirely sure.

Eren’s lips parted, but then he mashed them back together as he thought about his own feelings.

“Well, I didn’t _not_ like her.” Eren finally explained. “It’s not like I was in love with her, but...She was pretty, even if her face was a constant I-want-you-in-the-ground face. She could be selfish and a little rude sometimes, but it never stopped her from being a good person to me. And she was really interesting to be around. I’ll miss that. She always had a...thought-provoking point of view; never like everyone else. I liked that about her.”

“Seems you like a lot of interesting people.” Levi noted off-handedly.

Eren’s blush was obvious even in the low moon light. “What d-do you mean?”

“Armin’s always been an interesting case.” Levi pointed out with an unwelcome smirk at Eren’s gawking. “And I don’t really think I’m your average joe, am I?”

Eren looked away with a bashful smile. “Yeah. I really doubt it.”

Eren continued to rant about his little problems, like how his senior year was ending on a low note. About how he'd be moving back to the city soon for college, and he hadn't decided his major while Armin was completely set. And then it was silent between them for a while, but not uncomfortable. It was nice just to watch the night roll on in peace, and Levi liked that he knew it was fully consensual. Eren knew he was there sitting beside him, and yet he still wanted to be there.

Although Levi was aware that he wouldn't if he knew what the man really was.

“So...” Eren began uncertainly. Levi made a sound of acknowledgment, and Eren asked, “Can you tell me what’s going on?”

“No.” Levi said firmly, and Eren pursed his lips.

“Why not?” He grilled pleadingly. “Why can’t I know what’s happening to my own life? I-I think I have a right to know why you’re saving me all the time.”

This was the part where Levi should be disappearing. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep everything from Eren; it wasn’t in his nature to hide things. He already felt guilty for involving Eren in everything, it’d been selfish of him, and he hated it when Petra’s words bounced back to him: _“I think you just made his life harder.”_

But, he waited a moment before speaking. Because there was something he did actually want to know before dissolving from his sight.

“How much do you actually remember, kid?”

“I can't be that much younger than you, ya know.” Eren grumbled, sounding hurt.

Levi scoffed. “You wanna bet?”

“Well, I’m at least taller than you.”

“Thanks.” Levi rolled his eyes. “But really, what can you remember? How do you remember?”

Eren’s eyebrows furrowed as he concentrated.

“I feel like I can only see a shadow of you.” He described slowly, his eyes following the horizon. “I’ve glimpsed you before, but you never talk to me, do you?”

“What do you think?” Levi asked quietly, not looking at him.

“I think you’re always with me.” Eren answered matter-of-factly, running a hand through that soft hair of his. “Whether you’re talking, or listening, or helping, you’re with me. Am I wrong?”

He wasn’t. He’d nailed it on the head.

“Good for you.” Levi murmured, and Eren’s lips flat lined in a tense frustration.

“You’ve done a lot for me, right?” He probed. “You’ve made me promises, too.”

Levi blinked at him, feeling his eyes widen. “So you can remember that, too?”

Eren bit his lip awkwardly. “I...I’m not sure. I think I hear you telling me things sometimes. I hear your voice...even though I feel like I’d never heard you before.”

“You’re memories aren’t erased.” Levi explained without thought. “Just buried.”

Eren watched Levi’s face, like he was trying to fight through his darker eyes, to get the answers he wants. “Buried, huh?”

Levi nodded, and Eren’s face twisted with determination and focus.

“So how do I dig them out?”

“There shouldn’t be a way.” Levi said, shaking his head. “You shouldn’t be remembering me at all in the first place.”

Eren looked pained about that, but Levi added, “But you always remember something. That’s enough to be capable of getting them back. And don’t underestimate the power of a name.”

Eren breathed in slowly, grasping his words. “Your name...”

“When I tell you, you temporarily remember everything.” Said Levi. Hopefully these things didn’t count as classified information. “It’s never failed.”

“Should we try it?” Eren suggested timidly.

Levi nodded and cleared his throat. “My name is—”

Eren suddenly surged forward and pushed his hand over Levi’s mouth, stopping him from saying it. Levi pried it off with a grimace.

“What the hell, brat?” He chastised. “Don’t put your filthy hand on my mouth.”

“S-sorry.” Eren apologized nervously. “I just...Never mind. I want to remember it on my own.”

“You can’t—” Levi faltered. No...Eren had done it before. He remembered on his own once. When he’d fallen down the Niagara falls three years ago. What had been different about that time...

“What is it?” Eren asked when Levi didn’t finish his sentence. Levi shook his head. That day was just one day. It had to have been luck.

“You...can’t do it. It’s impossible for you to dig that up on your own.”

Eren’s shoulders lowered with disappointment. “But I feel like it’s there...I just don’t know how to get it.”

Levi shrugged. “Maybe if you sit there looking like you’re taking a shit long enough you’ll figure it out.”

“I’m thinking.” Eren retorted, only mildly offended, then looked back down in his deep thought.

Levi sighed. “You should probably get to bed soon. If you have school, then—”

“...Wait. Wait a second.” Eren demanded quietly, his eyes wide. Levi’s furrow deepened and he crossed his arms.

“What is it? Spit it out.”

But he didn’t. He was just gawking at Levi, and was he blushing?

“I-I think I know what I could try.” Eren offered coyly. Levi had to resist rolling his eyes. It’s not like he’d actually figure it out right there.

“Well, what is it?” Levi urged impatiently, getting more and more confused about why Eren seemed so hesitant about it. Eren chewed his cheek for a moment.

“Could you...uh...” Eren mumbled out the rest of his sentence and Levi groaned.

“I can’t hear a single thing you’re saying, idiot.”

“Can you kiss me?”

He blurted the words in a rushed manner, and immediately hid his face in his hands out of shame.

But the god stared at him, understandably stunned. “...What?”

When Eren didn’t speak, Levi clarified, “You want me to kiss you?”

“I...” Eren moved his hands off his face hesitantly. “I-it was just an idea. I only had a feeling...N-never mind, you don’t have to...”

He continued rambling meaningless excuses to forget about the whole thing, but Levi wasn’t listening. What had made him think a kiss would solve the problem? Their lips had already met before anyway...

Of course. How didn’t Levi think of that? It was the time Eren remembered Levi’s name. The man’s mind went back to being underwater with him, realizing he couldn’t hold his breath long enough, and gave him oxygen through his own mouth by willing the universe to allow it.

“Well, close your eyes.” Levi commanded, crossing his arms. The kid always seemed to come up with interesting ideas. He wanted to kiss him to see if he’d remember. Maybe the intimacy was enough of a kick in the nerves it’d work.

Instead of complying, Eren’s jaw dropped, losing the rest of his words, and eyes bulged in utter shock. The immortal exhaled irritably. “Did you hear me? Close your eyes if you want me to.”

“U-uh, yes sir!” Eren stuttered, and he finally closed his eyes tight, his brows furrowed in the effort. Did this moron add ‘sir’ to his sentences when he got flustered? He was quivering with nervousness and the god could tell even in the dark that face was cherry red.

What was it that got human’s ticking about kisses? When it gets you this worked up and restless, why even bother? Levi didn’t understand what _could_ be so great about trading saliva with another person you’re fond of.

He had to admit that though it’d been awhile, he _had_ kissed people since becoming a god. Levi didn’t know their faces or names. It was a no strings attached thing every time, definitely since these people would forget about Levi entirely. He didn’t ever worry about whether he was taking advantage of them or not. And he only slept with simple humans in a way of release, a part of him still grasping at the desire to feel passion and lust. However, he’d never had the luxury of caring about whoever it was.

That’s what he’d expect to be different about Eren.

Levi touched Eren’s cheek with his palm and wiped his calloused thumb under his eye, causing him to flinch, but then proceed to relax into the touch, his eyes still squeezed shut. The skin was as smooth and unblemished as it had been when he was a child. Heat seemed to radiate from his pores.

He really did want to kiss him; he couldn’t help that. But as tempting as it really was to find out how it would feel, to feel Eren’s tender lips brush against his own that way, he couldn’t do it.

He didn’t want to know how it felt to take advantage of someone he did have the slightest concern for.

Levi brushed Eren’s hair off his face and ever so gently, pressed his lips to the teenager’s forehead. He lingered there longer than he expected to, maybe because Eren’s hair smelled like shampoo and his skin felt warm and he so was soft and delicate Levi felt Eren could shatter like glass. Eren’s nature was opposite of this; he was tough and feisty and angry and a little shit in all variations—Levi knew from experience. But even if it wasn’t true, the boy’s body seemed so fragile and so easy to break. So human.

And that was all the more reason someone like Levi should pull away.

When he did, Eren’s eyes had already fluttered open with confusion, and the slightest bit of dissatisfaction. And yet he was rendered speechless.

“Well?” Levi asked. “Do you know?”

“I don’t think that was...” Eren’s voice trailed off as he stared past Levi more confusion fleeting into his expression. Then he winced suddenly and clutched his head in his hands like he was in awful pain. His breathing picked up.

Levi went on auto-pilot. Was he about to die again? “What’s wrong? Did something happen? Concussion? Stroke?”

 _Did I kill you?_ Levi also wanted to ask, but Eren shook his head. “No...I-my head just hurt a bit, I’m fine.”

He took a few more seconds to compose himself before looking at the man with a triumphant and confident smile.

“You’re Levi.”

 _Wrong_ , a part of him wanted to tell him to mess with him, but the other part was thoroughly impressed, speechless. The kid had really done it. All he did was kiss his forehead; how did that manage to be so powerful? Such a simple action, something that can so easily be meaningless and empty, had put a candle to Eren’s memory.

“Well shit on a stick.” Levi managed to say. Eren’s smile grew and Levi had to resist the urge to return the gesture.

“And you yell at me a lot.” The kid noted.

“Stop being an idiot, then.” Levi told him, but that stupid grin wouldn’t falter.

“But then when will I get to see you?” He teased smugly.

The man fixed him with a scowl. “You shouldn’t want to see me.”

Eren’s eyebrows scrunched together. “Why not?”

“You just shouldn’t, brat.” Levi snapped, having not prepared another good excuse that didn’t go to admitting the fact he personally murdered his mom and was designed to kill people on the daily. He was hoping Eren would go his life without learning the man he’d decided was a hero was more like the villain in all accounts. “Don’t smart mouth me.”

“You’re touchy.” Said Eren, standing up.

“What’re you doing?” Asked Levi as Eren brushed off the seat of his pants.

The kid shrugged. “You told me to go to bed, right?”

“Oh.” Levi muttered, taking in the fact he was actually subtly upset Eren was leaving. Deep down, he wished this casual conversation, those bright smiles, that this night itself, would never end. “Right.”

“Will you stay with me, Levi?” He burst as Levi stood beside him. Levi came up to Eren’s collar anymore. “Until I fall asleep, I mean.”

“I’m always here, you know.” Levi grunted, but Eren shook his head.

“No I mean—” He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, his gaze lowered. “I mean so I can see you. That’d be creepy if you watched me sleep without me knowing anyway, right?”

When Levi's mouth stayed clamped shut, Eren giggled. “Wait, _do_ you watch me sleep?”

“Shut up, brat.” Levi snapped, desperate to change the subject. “Fine, I’ll stay with you. Just this once.”

Eren smiled at the god weakly before turning back to his window. “It’s not like it matters, right, Levi? I’m just going to forget you, aren’t I?”

Levi didn’t answer. The sting he felt when Eren said those words caught him off guard. He quietly followed Eren back into his room, the indoors feeling cozy and small in comparison to the broad view of the evening sky.

His room was only lit by the moonlight and the glow of his computer screen. It looked like how you’d expect any teenager’s room to look—messy, with a poster here, stack of laundry there, mess of food wrappers everywhere. It really was filthy. It was an internal struggle for Levi not to clean Eren’s room on a daily basis.

Eren crawled into his bed and Levi sat down by his nightstand, watching how Eren’s eyes seemed to glow from the moonlight. It made the iris’s look clear and crystalized.

“It kinda scares me, you know?” Eren began, looking reluctant to take his eyes off of Levi. He understood the man be gone when he opened them again. “The way literally everything has tried to kill me at least once.”

“I know.” Levi agreed with nothing more to say, and Eren pulled his hand out from under the covers to lace his clammy fingers with Levi’s. He didn't pull away.

“Do you know why it happens, Levi?” Eren asked as he finally closed his eyes, maybe from the comfort of feeling Levi’s skin under his hand.

“Yes.”

“Can you tell me why?”

“No.” Levi stated in a low voice. “But you don’t have to worry about it, Eren. I’m not going to let you die.”

“Levi...You’re going to leave again, though.”

Levi inhaled slowly, hearing Eren’s words slow as tiredness was taking him away. But even then the kid was trying to repeatedly say Levi's name out loud, to keep it from disappearing. The attempt made Levi's chest swell.

“Get it through that thick skull of yours.” Levi snapped, his fingers reflexively tightening around Eren’s. “I’m not leaving. You don’t have to be scared. I’ll...keep you safe.”

Eren made no impression he’d heard his words. But, it’s not like it would make the difference. Levi watched his breathing slow and the tension in his face dissolve into the calm of sleep. Eren’s grip on Levi’s hand went limp.

Whenever those green eyes open again, he’ll have forgotten Levi once more. If not, he’ll at least forget his name. He won’t remember the promises and the talking and the kiss on the forehead.

Levi knew it was for the best for Eren to forget. Eren needed a normal life, and the Death god couldn’t be a part of it for that to happen. And in the span of the world, Eren was one tiny person. He didn’t matter anymore than anyone else, despite how Levi’s chest ached as he listened his faint snores.

Because Levi was really tired of being alone. And he was tired of being forgotten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who has a vocabulary of like 3 words ugh
> 
> if anyone cares to know, I realized after making this chapter that the song "I miss you" by Blink 182 goes with it frighteningly well like wowow
> 
> anywhoos next update might take a little longer than the past ones, I'm sorry! I'm just going to be really friggin busy with moving stuff and band stuff and school stuff starting and ugh I'm sorry but do not lose faith!  
> thank you everyone for kudos and comments and literally anything I'm still in shock this got over 100 kudos omg thank you for reading!! (btw im sorry the writing style in inconsistent and crap im still a confused dweeb on a road of discovery in writing)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just as Levi is growing comfortable with his existence around Eren, he is reminded that his previous deeds are not to so easily be forgotten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello brethren i am back (btw no time skip here takes place directly following chapter 5 so hella)

Levi should've expected this moment of peace, watching as Eren dreamed, to be abruptly ended.

It was first interrupted by an immense and sudden sting of death. He could always tell when a human was dying. It happened every second, but this was more excruciating than the usual.

Like a needle prodding into his brain; the feeling that many, many people have just started dying. Many, many souls are in need of release from their bodily containments. More than Levi had felt in a long time. A disaster has just gone haywire. This sixth sense was the indication that he had to go, he had to go finish these people off to continue their way into an empty afterlife.

But, aside from gripping his head to will the pain away, Levi couldn’t move. That wasn’t his job anymore.

Yet a familiar woman’s voice called, “Levi!”

It wasn’t long after that ache that his colleague Petra materialized in Eren’s room, worry screwing her facial features. Her light hair was ruffled, likely from the speed in which she came to him. She sheathed her swords in their holders.

“Levi, there was a—”

“I know.” Levi affirmed before they wasted time. “Disaster. I felt it. Was it human action? How many?”

Petra’s eyes darted around the teenager’s bedroom restlessly, bouncing on her heels.

“Al Queda in Iraq. It’s out of control. Three communities were attacked; it was coordinated. Over 2,300 are wounded and it’s unclear how many are compromised. It’s the worst I’ve seen since 9-11.”

Levi ran a hand through his hair. Terrorist attacks and wars were always the worst in death toll. They already had gods stationed with wars so they were prepared, but terrorist attacks were completely out of their hands.

Leave it to humans to kill themselves even more than the gods designed for it. Levi pulled his hand from Eren’s and stood.

“So what do you want me to do about it, Petra?” Levi asked with only a hint of annoyance and he indicated the boy asleep beside him. “I’m sort of on baby-sitting duty as of now.”

Obviously Petra had already thought of this. She chewed her lip nervously. “Erwin himself said this one calls for your skill. As an emergency, you’re back on, according to him.”

Levi stared at her in shock.

“I’m...free? Right now?”

“Yes.” She said, turning away. “You have to go and finish them. Auruo and the others can only do so much.”

His hands were quivering. For thirteen years he hadn’t been able to do it. To end the lives. Why were his arms so eager for it? It disgusted him but part of him wanted to leap out of that room right then.

“Levi, the souls are going to suffer if we don’t hurry.”

He wanted to hurry. Part of him wanted to leave so badly. But the other part...

“I can’t leave Eren.” Levi stated blatantly. “It’s Erwin’s fault I can’t leave.”

“Not even for...” Petra glanced outside. She could probably sense how much he really wanted to do it. “This?”

“He’ll die.” Levi confirmed. “I can’t let that happen.”

Petra was quiet, as if hesitating to add what she was going to say. But finally in a meek, unsure voice, she asked, “Wouldn’t that solve your problem though?”

Levi thought his jaw unhinged; he couldn’t process that coming from her.

“What the fuck are you implying?”

“Well...” She twiddled her thumbs. “I’m sure before, you wouldn’t have worried. If he...if Eren was gone, you’d be free to go back to your job, wouldn’t you? You wouldn’t be held responsible for anything that happens to him during this period.”

Levi had a bad taste in his mouth. Mostly because he knew the grain of truth in her words. Erwin was allowing leave for the god, so Levi wouldn’t have to worry about anything.

And if Eren...If Eren was killed during that time, it wasn’t Levi’s problem.

Levi would be free to go back to his job as a death god. He could be filling out his purpose correctly again and releasing souls and using his swords and fuck, did he want to.

He looked down at the boy, dreaming soundlessly under his blankets. He looked like he was having a better dream than usual. The creases on his forehead were smooth and without tension, completely calm and at peace. Maybe seeing Levi before he passed out helped.

A few years ago, he may have been fine with it. The mere possibility of Eren being in danger.

But now that wasn’t an option.

“I don’t give two shits.” Levi finally muttered. “I’m not leaving him. Not for this, not for anything.”

Despite the situation Petra smiled, but whatever was on her mind, she didn’t say.

“Then switch with me.” She suggested. “I’ll stay with him and make sure nothing happens to him. I’m not that...” She shrugged her shoulders under the layered scarlet cloak. “I’m not really that much help for the others anyway, compared to you.”

“But you...” Levi switched his gaze between Petra and Eren, unable to believe she’d do this for him. And would she be able to do it? “Don’t you want to go?”

“I don’t think it comes as naturally as it does for you and everyone else.” Said Petra with a sigh, stepping close to look at Eren with that same wistful look she’d had years ago. Then she turned to Levi with a resolute face. “Trust me, Levi. I promise I’ll take good care of him.”

“And hey,” She added. “The sooner you leave the sooner you can come back to him.”

The man was still in shock of the whole situation; Petra was going to risk punishment from Erwin by not doing what she’s called forth to do. And only for Levi, so his heart could be at rest. Not that his predictions were wrong; Eren would probably be dead within minutes of his leaving. He hadn’t left his side since he was five.

But Petra had a point. The sooner he left the sooner he could get back.

“Fine.” Levi decided, standing up and unsheathing his swords from under his coat with a loud sound of metal scraping together. “I’ll go.”

“Thank you, Levi.” Petra said with a relieved smile. He wondered if she’d planned to stay behind from the start.

He looked back at Eren, his chest steadily rising and falling. He pressed a hand to his forehead, brushing the dark locks off his eyes. He really was a fucking furnace when he was asleep. As nice and peaceful it was to see him like that, though, Levi still preferred him in his wake, when those eyes were open and bright. Now he was only left with the smoothed lids and long eyelashes to say goodbye to.

“Petra...” He began. “Why are you doing this for...him?”

She smirked with an expression Levi could only identify as a sad envy. “I’m happy for you.”

“Happy for me?”

“You have someone that cares about you.” She explained. “And you care about him. I don’t want you to have to lose that.”

Levi doubted his vocal chords would work anyway after her words, but she shooed him away with a hand. “Get going Levi. They need you.”

And so with one last look at the boy who had stayed in his sight for years and the woman with too much heart to be a goddess, he did.

 

It was a bloody massacre.

Levi had appeared on the attack to a scene of sands, blood, and screams. Bombings on innocent villages. Shrapnel and gore and chaos were everywhere. Likely radical Muslims, suicidal bombers. People who did these things pissed Levi off more than anything. Giving good kinds of people bad names. To say what they do is _justified._ No matter what it’s for, a government rebellion, a religion, whatever, there was nothing that warranted the blatant murder of innocent people.

Levi would like to tell them personally, as one of those gods they pulled this shit for, that it does not fucking please him.

_“Maybe I deserved this.”_

_“I never told her how I feel.”_

The unspoken words of the dying wouldn’t stop echoing in Levi’s head. He wished he could give them the peace of mind to know that at least _something_ heard their insignificant final pleas, even if they couldn’t voice it.

There were Military personnel running around trying to help the injured, probably American Marines that were stationed nearby.

Levi, on the other hand, went body to body on the ground, slicing the necks, cleaving the napes, a blur of last thoughts rolling through his head as he weaved through the destruction. Watching the souls release was always unexplainably satisfying.

Smoke still billowed from raptured buildings. And the thoughts got louder and louder. Their languages varied, but Levi tended to realize as a god, all the languages blended into one. Communicating the same feelings. And they all translated into the same things, depending on the individuals whose brains were making their last processes:

_“I can’t die yet.”_

_“I’m so sorry.”_

_“I’m scared. Why does it keep hurting?”_

_“Forgive us our trespasses...As we forgive those who trespass against us...”_

_“I had a good life.”_

_“Please someone save me.”_

Souls were being taken one after another; Levi could faintly sense the other death gods going through and taking them, their cloaks flowing around like a dark blur going to each dying human.

One Death god in particular caught Levi’s glance and gasped.

“Levi!” Auruo, clad in a dark green coat called out. “It’s you! Where’s Petra?”

“Petra’s fine.” Levi grumbled a brief statement as he stepped over another body. Their arms were disconnected from the body grotesquely, but the poor man was still conscious. After the last heartbeat, he crossed his swords over his neck and sliced— _I still need to get home, my mother is waiting for me_ —

“How many cleared now?” Auruo asked, his tone suspiciously matching Levi’s usual one. He had wild silvery hair and brown eyes. Although his wizened face made him look much older, he was almost as young as Petra, and immediately decided Levi was a good role model. It was pretty irritating, actually.

“I think it’s almost all of them; a few stragglers.” Levi said, wiping his eyes. He’d covered most of his face with his clock to keep the sand out, but it hadn’t stopped all of it.

“I have the feeling there are some Life gods here, too.” Auruo muttered with patent mockery. Levi glared at him.

“Be glad their making our job easier.” He scolded, watching the ambulances and authorities trying to recover bodies. There were many kinds of gods, all tying and cutting the strings of fate. There weren’t just the ones under Erwin. There were gods of Life and Hope, as well.

And Auruo was probably right; this was another human caused event. Not quite clean-cut Fate for these people. In fact, many of the people dying here must’ve had plans paved for them. This wasn’t supposed to be their end. But it was Levi’s job and he had to cut them down, even if it was possible they’d be saved if a Life god got to them first. And that was the god of Life’s job. To save or bring back the damned.

But Life gods weren’t as strong as death. More people harbored fear than hope. More people believed in Death than Life. So, they would only be able to rescue so few of the many dying right then.

They carried a different spirit than death gods, so it was harder to recognize them than fellow causers of cataclysm. But Levi was sure that for every other person, dying on the ground, a god of Life was pulling them back. For it was not yet their time.

If one needed a clearer reference, they were the heroes while Erwin’s pawns were the villains. The angel to demon.

Levi felt a life slipping from another body close, so he crept towards it, his swords raised. The life was slipping so easily he already heard the prayers.

_“In the name of God, the infinitely compassionate and merciful...Praise be to God, Lord of all the worlds...”_

It wasn’t until Levi saw the child half-crushed under a piece of a building, bloodied and dying, she was actually finding the strength to pray out loud in Arabic.

“Siraatal ladheena an ‘amta’ alaihim...Ghairil maghduubi’ alalihim waladaaleen...”

He stepped over the convulsing body of the girl, maybe twelve years old, trying to push down the guilt he was feeling. This girl was strong. Even now, she was praying to her god with her voice, not just her mind. Even with death literally looming over her, she was still fighting.

_She’s like Eren._

What made her different from Eren? Where did Levi have the right to rescue _him_ when he has to kill this girl? Hell, what made any of these people below Eren Jaeger? Suddenly this didn't feel like release, this didn't feel satisfying. He couldn't stop imagining Eren watching, horrified, watching him standing over this dying girl, ready to finish her.

They all had names. They all had lives...

No, this girl was already dead. Already her lips had stopped moving and her body ceased movement. Her body couldn’t be saved; it could no longer hold that soul despite its fighting spirit. All that was left was letting her go. _I’m freeing her_ , He told himself as he lifted his blades. _The sooner I complete this the sooner I see Eren—_

“Stop!” A voice reached Levi’s ears just in time. The edges of his swords hovered over the frail neck. Who the hell...?

Suddenly, a new person he didn’t recognize was a few feet from Levi, watching with a face of heartfelt concern. He couldn’t be a human, Levi couldn’t be seen by humans...  
Ah. Levi put the dots together in his head. He couldn’t mistake the vitality rippling from the person before him.

He was a god of Life.

When Levi didn’t speak, the man held up his hands pleadingly. “L-let me save her, sir. She deserves it. She can do it.”

The death god didn’t break eye contact with the man as he sheathed his swords under his cloak and stepped aside without complaint. In turn, the Life god beamed with sincere gratefulness and strode toward the practically lifeless body.

“Thank you.” He nodded to Levi, before leaning down. Levi had never actually seen a life god up close before. He’d seen them during some other catastrophic disasters, but never like this.

He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting. This man was tall, with short black hair and freckles splashed over his cheeks. He wore pretty modern clothing; just a light blue shirt and black slacks with a tan jacket over his shoulders. The only thing that showed him to be any different was the sword strapped to his side. Built similar to Levi’s, but it was singular, longer and ivory white.

The holy being knelt down beside the girl and took his sword in his hand, then sunk the blade into her heart. Like Levi’s cuts to the neck, it wasn’t a physical cut, but something the soul would feel. But this seemed to do the opposite of cutting the neck. It was keeping the soul grounded, like an anchor. Like a hand keeping them up from a cliff. Marco started murmuring something very softly to the girl.

It didn’t look like much, but the itching feeling that the soul needed to escape began to ebb away. Her string of fate, once cut, was now rebinding and healing over. Her physical body didn’t look much better, but her soul was withstanding it and keeping the heart beating. And as if this really was what Fate had wanted, Levi saw some live people spotting the girl and shouting to others. People were going to find her and help her. She had really been brought back from the dead. She was saved.

Maybe it wasn’t that Death gods were stronger that Life gods didn’t get to save people more. Maybe it was because they were the ones that were too powerful.

This spirit, this almost angelic being...He was what Eren thought Levi was.

The taller god stood up, pulling out the sword and making room for the rescuers to collect the child. And then he beheld the death god.

“You’re Levi, aren’t you?” He asked, his voice surprisingly high for his age. At least, his height told Levi he was older. His freckled face with rosy cheeks and a button nose made him look much younger than Levi initially thought.

“So you’ve heard of me.” Levi grunted in response, watching the little girl being pulled on to a stretcher.

The god cleared his throat. “I’m sorry; you are quite well known...I didn’t mean to offend you i-it’s just you’re _very...talented._ I’m Marco, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you Marco.” Said Levi, trying to ignore the way he carefully said 'talented'. “How does that work?”

“This?” Marco regarded his sheathed sword. “It’s...well, I’ve never been all that sure myself. Whatever it does, it anchors the soul to the body and helps...pick themselves back up.”

He sighed. “Unfortunately, it’s risky; it doesn’t work every time. If someone has any doubt, or too much fear to power through the pain, well...” Marco looked down at his boots. “I lose them.”

“That’s too bad.” Levi nodded, sheathing his blades. “I never really have the opportunity to fail.”

Marco seemed hurt by the comparison, but desperate not to show it. “Good for you, I guess.”

"To be honest I would've expected you to," Levi shrugged. "I don't know, pour holy water on them or some shit."

Marco shuddered. "Never been a fan of water."

“So they do show up, do they?” A voice called before Levi could ask why. He turned to see Auruo walking towards them.

Levi frowned at him. “Are all the souls taken care of?”

“Erd and Gunther are doing another check.” Auruo explained when he was beside Levi. Levi faintly remembered Gunther as the new God to cover Levi’s absence. “It gets difficult sometimes to sense whether there are more when there were so many...”

Auruo shuddered, and Levi understood what he was talking about. The screaming and begging was still pulling at Levi’s mind, lingering there and dulling his senses. They usually could feel every death ever occurring, like a background sound in their minds, but during things like this it was just overwhelming.

“You the only one here?” Auruo nodded to Marco, who was looking a little nervous. Maybe being around several people that were the actual manifestation of Death has that effect. Levi could see why he looked like he wanted to shit himself. Although, with that anchor and the glowing shit he could do, Levi thought Marco to be pretty intimidating himself.

“Uh, no, there were a few others...” Marco said anxiously.

“How many did you guys save?”

“Um...” He scratched his head. “All together, 34.”

“Hm.” Auruo grunted, looking irritated. “Not about to get a big head, are you?”

“N-no! Not at all!” Marco denied quickly. Auruo squinted his eyes. Auruo must have been skeptical; in a cruel way, it’s better for them to kill more people. It feeds their existences. The Life Gods didn’t need higher numbers, they only needed a strong few to live on. Fifty was a larger number than the usual. But that didn’t mean Auruo had the right to attack this guy.

“Hey kid.” Levi started before Auruo could say more. “How old are you?”

“I’m...” Marco’s voice trailed off as he thought about it. “The earliest year I can remember is 1912.”

So he wasn’t too old. Younger than Auruo even, but older than Petra. They still shouldn't be trying to frighten the guy.

“Get going Auruo.” Levi commanded the god beside him. “This guy doesn’t need any shit talk from you. Check the other villages.”

“But—” Auruo began to defend himself, but Levi narrowed his glare at the guy and he caved. “All right. See you around.”

And with that Auruo was gone. Levi could tell the guy had a bit too high of an ego for his own good, and the way he mimicked Levi’s actions was obnoxious, but he was likely just on edge from the disaster. He’d be less annoying later on.

Marco stood quietly by Levi, watching all the destruction and chaos, and the taller man asked, “Why do you think we’re here?”

Levi gazed blankly at him, not really sure of a response. It was a thought that went through Levi’s head a lot, but he pushed it aside. And surely Marco was also referencing the question as to why _them_ in particular. What was Marco like in his original life that transmuted his soul into the incarnation of Hope? What was Levi like to convert his into that of Death?

But these were questions Levi was not allowed to find the answers to. And Marco was probably in the same boat.

“We’re here cause we have to be.” Levi finally sighed, shaking dirt off his boot. “That’s all we need to know.”

Marco shrugged and rubbed his neck. “I guess you’re right.”

He started walking away, maybe to see if there were others that could be rescued, even if the action was in vain. But a thought came to Levi. Because, something did choose Marco and Levi to become what they were, be it gods, or demons or angels or some kind of spirit of nature. Something was deciding that, just as Marco decided that girl could be saved. Just as Levi decided Eren could be spared.

“Marco.” The god whipped around to the sound of Levi’s voice.

“What made that girl special?” He asked. “What do you think made her life worth more than the rest?”

Because a life is a life. One isn’t worth more than another. The life of the president of the United States was worth the same as the unemployed heroin addict. Marco’s pondered the question, and didn’t speak for a good amount of time. It wasn’t until Levi was preparing to leave without an answer he replied.

“I’m not sure. She had faith. And that gave her the strength to keep going. It’s as simple as that.”

“But...” Marco continued with a downtrodden face. “There are people with the same devotions that Fate decides to end, anyway. They don’t get the chance to be saved. The world really is cruel, Death god.”

 

Levi disappeared shortly after Marco did, sure that the gods’ business there was done. He spawned back to Eren’s room to find him still asleep; only about an hour had passed. Petra had been sitting down besides Eren’s bed, looking like she could fall asleep too. He relaxed for a moment, being thankful he could trust Petra. There weren't many he could say that for. But when she saw Levi, she hurriedly stood up and welcomed him back, seeming grateful for his arrival. And then she had to go. So she vanished and left Levi alone with Eren.

He watched the teenager’s face. His skin looked pale blue in the poor lighting. Small boyish snores emitted from his parted lips. He was actually a refreshing sight to come back to. Levi was already leaning down before he realized he wanted to kiss Eren’s forehead again, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Because a guilt gouged his gut.

Because Eren was left completely clueless. What would he think of what Levi just did? He’d just done the finishing touches on hundreds of lives. Ended them. Practically the same way he’d once planned to on Eren. What would he think? About how Levi had just snuck off to hear as people despaired and cried and took their last breaths. About how Levi didn’t hate how it felt unless he was here, feeling guilty about it with Eren. About how Levi broke his promise and left Eren’s side.

Everything Levi was to Eren was a lie. Eren deserved to have someone like Marco watching over him, not Levi. Levi himself had created the mess that was Eren’s life, and he hated himself for it. What on earth had made him think sparing his life would make up for everything?

Eren blindly trusted Levi too much. It was unhealthy. It was dangerous. And still Levi didn’t ever want to see the betrayal on Eren’s face if he found out, even if he would just forget the words. It would hurt him too much to see that no, Levi wasn’t a savior or a hero or an angel. He wanted to avoid that at all costs.

I think I have the right to know why you're saving me all the time. Levi knew too well how right Eren was. It was Eren’s life and the complications around it were his to know. But Eren’s life had been hard enough for him. He’d called Levi one of the very few who stayed with him. Knowing the truth would just break his heart.

Levi’s chest felt empty, if not filled with the shame of what he’d done to the only person who wanted to remember him. And there was nothing he could do to make up for it, and not telling him only further tainted Levi’s hands. He had to tell Eren, even if that meant the kid never trusting him again.

He recalled what the parting words had been from that strange character Marco, what Levi was seeing as more truth than he’d ever heard before.

“The world really is cruel, Death god.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys i just really lov e marco. that little dweeb is my child, hope you enjoyed his little part there (bonus points if someone can guess how/when Marco died??? hmm??? Event in 1912???? doesn't like water??? lol ok sorry ill stop)
> 
> very sorry for the lack of green eyed brat this chapter, but next chapter is Eren babu's POV so gnarly!  
> And wowie i was looking and like, 200 kudos? idk why but im so happy thank you for kudos poo and thank you for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren's days in his first semester of college have been more than quiet lately. That is to say, he hadn't been almost fucking dying as often as usual. That's what makes his visitor so unexpected, and Eren refuses to let Levi disappear as easily this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so this chapter ended up way longer than i expected? I guess these guys had a lot of talking to do (this is a few months after chapter 6!)

Armin slammed a book down on the table in front of Eren’s nose, causing his eyes to snap open. “Check out this one!”

The college kids were studying (wasting time) in their library. Well, Armin wasn’t wasting time. Eren felt like he was falling into a deep sleep on his class notes and wearing his brown jacket like a blanket instead of studying. They were situated at a table looking over the balcony on the second floor of the vast Library. Honestly, he was surprised he hadn’t fallen off this balcony yet. In fact, Eren’s chronic lethal happenings haven’t happen all that much lately. Enough for him to doze off, since he’d flinched pretty obviously when Armin slated the heavy non-fiction material in front of him.

The two were consistently inseparable and managed to go to the same college, back in the city they once lived in. Armin was majoring in marine biology, while poor little Eren was undecided. He never felt like he was excelling in anything, besides maybe his old karate classes. But nothing stuck out to him and Eren was becoming more and more sure he would end up working at an Apple Bees the rest of his life.

“Dude,” Eren started, wiping his eyes from his dozing off. He tried to pat down his bedhead. “What’s your deal? Aren’t we supposed to be quiet?”

“I’m quiet.” Armin defended in a now corrected tone, and he pulled up a chair across from Eren and flung open the cover. “Also you have some pencil marks on your cheek. But enough about that; I think I found what you’ve been looking for.”

Eren rubbed at his cheek and flipped shut his college-ruled notebook composing of more doodles than notes. “I doubt you’re going to find a limited edition copy of Infamous in that old—”

“I mean about...” Armin went from a low voice to a whisper. “About Captain.”

Eren’s drowsiness vanished. He straightened. “I’m listening.”

Armin wanted to get to the bottom of this, and was always doing research about Eren’s ‘Captain’. Yes, the name was still a helluva blur. Armin started out searching for things about hallucinations and psychological problems, but nothing matched up for Eren (And he was pretty thankful for that). So, Armin had given up at this point and was entertaining the possibility that the man Eren sees in his dreams was real. He was researching folklore old and new, mythology and religions, anything his friend could get his hands on.

And the guy was desperate for an answer, almost as desperate as Eren. Eren simply lacked where Armin flourished; being a freaking bookworm. Eren depended more on you know, chatting up the guy when he was alone. He talked and talked and waited for him to show up so he could demand answers. Eren had the feeling he’s had conversation with his little guardian before, but for some reason he couldn’t ever remember. And that frustrated the crap out of him.

“Well, this one was hard to find.” Armin began, still flipping through pages. “I first found some summaries on Wikipedia, and then I went here for some more detailed collections. I don’t see why—”

“Armin.” Eren interrupted. “No offense but I don’t really care about _how_ you found it.”

“Right, right.” He shook his head with a small laugh, his blond ponytail bobbing. “Anyway...Here it is!” Armin finally settled on a page, and Eren started leaning forward to look at it. Armin looked like he was about to read some out loud when something caught his eye down on the first floor far below.

“Hey, Eren...” He started. “Mikasa’s here.”

“Mikasa?” Eren leaned over the railing beside him to look.

Mikasa Ackerman was a girl in his psychology class. Beautiful dark hair and glittering dark eyes. She was a very strange exchange student, being half French but raised in Japan, but still very fluent in English as well as the other languages. The only one she was rusty on was French. She seemed to ooze excellence in all subjects; it was no wonder she came to America.

Today she was dressed nice, with an orange skirt and gray cardigan with her shimmery white scarf. She was very kind, but she tried too hard not to be noticed. Which was difficult, since she was the most beautiful girl at the college. That, and Eren had seen her in a tank top. She was fucking built, and that’s hard to ignore.

But the odd thing was, the moment she saw Eren, she’d talked to him. It was only to introduce herself and all, but she hadn’t introduced herself to anyone else. She was always in her own little world, and she sort of avoided everyone else. It was like she’d been waiting for Eren in particular. But not in an intimate way; she didn’t seem interested. Maybe he was over thinking it, but it really did seem strange. Maybe it was some kind of Japanese or French tradition to give pity smiles to the weird superstitious guy in the room.

And yet, he couldn’t help feeling drawn to her too. Not that he was romantically allured, but he liked spending time with her. Because when he looked at her...Well, Eren had to admit it to himself. She reminded him of Captain. He was pretty sure she resembled him. And it hurt to realize he wasn’t completely sure of the man’s appearance. Maybe he only felt they were similar ‘cause he was pretty sure Captain was just as attractive... Whatever, he was getting off base.

“I’m gonna go greet her; maybe she’ll sit with us.” Armin decided, standing up. “But start reading that, you’ll find it interesting.”

“I hope so.” Eren sighed, turning the book around so he could see it right side up. Armin strode away and down the stairs to talk to Mikasa. Armin liked having Mikasa around; he was beginning to wonder if his friend had feelings for her. Eren wouldn’t be surprised.

So Eren started reading the page, horrified by how tiny the text was. And there were only a couple pictures. One was just some old portrait of a naked woman with curly caramel hair surrounded by nature. The page was captioned with “Daemons”.

“Daemons?” Eren murmured out loud. “This is some old greek mythology, huh...”

“So I’m greek now, huh?”

Eren’s body tensed.

And it happened again.

The boy wet his lips. “How long have you been sitting there?”

“About a minute.”

Eren took in a breath he hadn’t realized he held. He let his eyes pan over to the man who’d just materialized beside him. He was sitting rather unceremoniously, with an arm tossed over Eren’s chair, and Eren’s skin prickled from the near proximity.

So this was what he looked like. It felt like something that Eren had known all along, but he hadn’t been about to think of it before. As if a curtain had just been drawn to reveal a plot twist Eren had already known.

Not to say it didn’t take his breath away.

His lead blue eyes and black hair hadn’t changed and he never altered the odd outfit of blacks and whites he wore. Two silvery swords still hung at his sides under a charcoal outdated cloak, but seeing as how Eren was now on a college campus, he doubted they’d get weird looks from his apparel. They’d just think he’s an anime cosplayer or something.

“Hey.” Eren whispered. He was beginning to master the ability to hide all _I’m seriously shitting myself_ emotions. Too much weird shit happens to him not to. But already he felt like someone had pulled a thorn out of his chest he hadn’t realized was killing him, and replaced it with tranquility. Seeing him was always so comforting, like he’d never feel happier unless Captain was there.

And he _was_ there, with his narrowed eyes lingering on Eren as if he’d just dishonored his whole bloodline, but Eren had the feeling it was just his pouty face. He hadn’t the chance to see him in a long time, even if he wasn’t completely sure when that was. But he didn’t feel awkward about it. It was like losing contact with a best friend for a long time, and then speaking to them as if the time hadn’t even passed. Captain was like a best friend to Eren, anyway.

He was pretty sure of why Captain decided to show himself, too. Even before he spoke in that chilling voice.

“You going to keep reading, kid?” He murmured, and Eren had to fight back a smile when he turned back.

“Curious?” Eren asked, and the guy rolled his eyes.

“Just read it.” He paused. “Wait, is blondie coming back?”

Eren tried to fight down the glee that came from assurance that he had definitely been there during his time at the library. He glanced down at the first floor, and Mikasa and Armin were still chatting in front of the glass doors, the honey sunlight shining through and making them look like a romantic film.

“No,” Eren lied. He worried Captain would leave if he said Armin was coming back. He’d only shown up right after he left Eren alone, so he guessed he didn’t want to be seen. “He was leaving.”

“Then read it.” Levi sighed, sitting back in his seat. “I want to see what blondie's been up to.”

“Alright, Captain,” Eren said quietly. “But keep your voice down; this is a library.”

“I don’t give a shit.” He said in an equally loud voice. A few heads turned and Eren cleared his throat.

“Um, anyway...” He turned to the page. “It says ‘Daemons are benevolent or benign nature spirits, beings of the same nature as both mortals and gods, similar to ghosts, chthonic heroes, spirit guides, forces of nature or the gods themselves’.”

The book went on to explain that Daemons were people of the golden age, transformed into these spirits by the will of Zeus, to “serve mortals benevolently as their guardian spirits”. And the part that really left chills down Eren’s spine was that one text claimed that these spirits remained invisible, only known by their acts.

Eren couldn’t help finding that really sad.

“Hm.” was Captain’s reply. “I don’t think that one goes either. No prizes for you, kiddo.”

“What?” Eren shrieked. “Come on, it’s gotta be close.”

“A little similar.” The almost-but-not-really-daemon admitted, stretching his legs out over the table. He got a few more good stares. “But I’ll tell you right now I don’t know some prick named Zeus. Sorry.”

Eren pouted. “Well, I wasn’t saying the myths about Olympus are really true, but...”

“Whatever, it’s...” Captain stiffened suddenly and looked over Eren’s shoulder at the Library entrance. “You’re little friend is coming back.”

Eren shrugged without looking. “Oh well, isn’t that nice.”

“You shitty little fibber.” Captain accused, standing up from his seat. “I’d better disappear before he sees me.”

“Wait what?” Eren said, grabbing his wrist but trying not to make a scene. “No. No, you weren’t even here that long, you didn’t even tell me anything.”

“I’m never going to, Eren.” He countered, and then grimaced as the words came out, like the words had meant something harsher then he’d intended. Eren stared at him, and his grip on his wrist loosened.

“Never?” Eren repeated, his voice dropping to that of discontent. “Not even the day I die, I don’t get to know what I did wrong.”

“Yes.” He said with gritted teeth, and turning his face from the student. But Eren was sure there was reluctance in his face he was hiding. He wasn’t going to give up.

“Whatever, I don’t care.” Eren said coldly, holding Captain where he stood. “But you’re not leaving yet. I still want to talk to you. I don’t care if Armin sees you.”

“I don’t have to listen to you.”

“I’ll jump off the balcony and try to break my neck.” Eren warned. Captain gave him a dangerous glare.

“You little shit, don’t you dare. And I’ve told you, I’m not _leaving_ anyway, and you can’t just...” He watched Eren’s face for a moment, and looked at Armin appearing over the stairs. And he exhaled in defeat.

“Fuck, what am I doing.” He muttered under his breath before grabbing Eren’s wrist and racing towards the other stair case. Eren had no idea what the heck he was planning to do, but he didn’t question his motives. And he really didn’t mind how close they were to hand-holding. He was pretty sure it was the opposite of minding.

They took cover behind a book shelf, Eren left panting because wow, turns out it’s quite a sprint to the other stairs and they couldn’t make it in time. This library is too damn big.

Captain turned aside to look where Armin was, and Eren did too.

“Eren? What the heck?” Armin was saying quietly by their table. “I swear if he’s off getting himself killed...Did you see him?”

“No...” Mikasa’s accented voice came, standing beside him with books held to her chest. “Should we check outside?”

Captain’s face went completely slack for a moment as a shudder went through him. He looked...confused? Scared? Something along the lines of absolute horror crossed his expression.

“Captain?” Eren said quietly, nudging his shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“I...” He was still staring in the direction of Armin and Mikasa, but he swallowed and finally shook his head out of his trance. “I’m fine. And stop calling me...” He blinked at him. “Right. I forgot to do something.”

Before he could question it, Captain grabbed the collar of Eren’s jacket and tugged him down to his height, and kissed his forehead gently. Eren’s face lit on fire and butterflies in his stomach started a riot and his heart pounded and he was pretty sure if his vocal chords decided to work he’d be screaming. What the hell? Why did he just—Why did he just kiss him?

Levi pulled away and let go of his collar and Eren stuttered, “W-what was—”

Wait a minute.

He didn’t have that name a second ago. What did he just think of...?

And then it came, a god awful ache in his head as if it was a gift from Satan himself, and Eren barely managed not crying out in pain. He slammed his head into the cold of the bookcase beside them, desperate to numb the pain.

There were images and memories resurfacing everywhere in Eren’s mind eye, begging to be seen and made known. Under a night sky, Levi had kissed his forehead before. That was the first one he saw. Before that, he’d saved him from getting hit by a train on his first day in the suburbs. Eren had to shut his eyes; it was too much.

Even before that, Levi held Eren close as they plummeted down the Niagara Falls. He’d felt his lips against his, Eren could remember it like it was yesterday all of the sudden, and Levi’s words flooded Eren’s ears, he couldn’t tell what happened when. He couldn’t even hear what Levi was saying to him in the present.

“Don’t you dare, brat. Hold on.”—“Promise me you won’t put yourself in danger.”—“I can’t believe you managed to catch the toaster oven on fire.”—“Seems like you like a lot of interesting people”.—“Fell off another roof, kid?”—“You can’t tell anyone about me, got it?”— _“I’ll keep you safe.”_

Time and time again, Levi saved him, Levi held him, Levi listened, Levi yelled, _Levi_ , it was all Levi. He was overwhelmed. Levi hadn’t...He wasn’t ignoring him. It was true, he really had talked to him. And he was real. Levi was real and beside him, and in all of these memories—

“Eren.” Levi said in a hushed but demanding voice. He finally opened his eyes to see Levi looking at him with sincere concern lurking in those eyes. His pale hand was on Eren’s back.

“Are you okay?” Levi queried, untying his cravat and dabbing Eren’s nose. It came back bloody. “Are you dying?”

Eren shook his head. He didn’t feel like he was dying, he just felt like someone put a bunch of bowling balls in his brain and a whole life time had passed. “How long was I...”

“A few seconds. It was a little worse than last time.” Levi said quietly, still observing Eren’s face like he needed serious medical attention. “What happened? Do you remember?”

Eren wiped at his nose. He was still completely confused, but yet, he’d just discovered the most important thing he’d ever wanted to know. “Levi. Your name is Levi. Why do I know that now? I’ve wanted to know for-for so long, why did that—”

Levi clapped a hand over Eren’s mouth; he hadn’t realized his volume was increasing. “I’ll explain it outside. And you’re the one that figured it out.”

Eren’s voice was muffled against Levi’s palm. “Figure what out?”

“Ew, don’t talk when my hand’s there, sicko.” Levi scowled and wiped his hand on the clean side of his cravat. “I told you I’ll explain, however I would’ve expected you to remember it. I want to get you outside first though. Looks like you’re gonna hurl.”

Eren nodded, his head still feeling dizzy from all the information that forced its way into his head. Before he’d still felt close to Levi without much basis to the feeling, but now he did. He had a whole life of interactions with him.

How did that even happen? How did he remember everything all of the sudden? Levi pecked his forehead in the most aloof way Eren had ever encountered, and everything was back, just like that. And it was like he knew that would happen. He had to have, what other reason would Levi do something so...Whatever. He had to be a wizard or something.

“I think blondie is going outside to find you.” Levi observed, checking back at the two still confused about Eren’s disappearance. They had phones out. “Why don’t you...uh...”

He made a little motion with his hands Eren really couldn’t translate. “Excuse me?”

“Ugh, I don’t know what you adolescents call it...” Levi groaned, rubbing his forehead. Eren bit back the mention that Levi himself didn’t look all that old. While he looked all cute and frustrated like this, he looked practically thirteen—

Shit. He’d just described the seemingly immortal ageless angelic being that had been countlessly saving his life since the age of five _cute._

“It’s when you pass on letters or erm, messages through those...” He shut his eyes and said carefully, “Cellular telephones? Yeah, that.”

Eren cracked a smile. “You mean texting?”

“Right, a _tessing_.” Levi failed to repeat but said it with all the poise of a confident man. “Send Armin a tessing.”

Eren rolled his eyes and took out his phone, resisting the urge to jab at the guy’s dignity further. “What do you want me to tell him?”

“Just say you had an errand and you needed to duck out.”

“Um, he knows I’m lazy as hell...” Eren began, but Levi gave him a menacing glare so he starting typing anyway. About thirty seconds after he hit send on the touch screen, they saw Armin look at his own phone and sigh in exasperation, show it to Mikasa, then the two sat down at the table and started studying without him. He was probably actually doing them a favor. He’d just suddenly created a study date for them.

“All right, now we get by without them seeing you.” Levi stated, grabbing Eren’s wrist again. “You okay or what?”

“I feel fine now.” Eren said quickly.

“Alright. Hold on.”

“Wait but what if—” Eren’s sentence stopped when the world sudden lurched forward beneath Eren’s feet. The entire library flashed by in a blur, and when everything stopped moving again suddenly, they were outside on the sidewalk. Eren grabbed his head again, feeling horribly disoriented and would’ve fallen over if Levi didn’t hold his waist in place. Although that touch itself left Eren’s head just as fuzzy.

“Wha..the...?” Eren murmured, blinking into the low sun rays cast by the vibrant sunset, although much of it was blocked by the tall buildings. Only a few small fluffy clouds dotted the sky that day, colored in buttery hues from the evening light. Colder autumn air masked Eren’s face refreshingly.

“I improvised.” Levi simplified, which Eren thought a very broad term for the fact he’d just transferred the two of them at the speed of sound. “It was easier than sneaking around on fucking tip toes. We’re not a Scooby doo episode.”

“You don’t know the word for texting but you know _Scooby doo_?”

“You watched that shit all the time when you were little.” Levi groaned. “Not like I had a choice.”

The guy even watched his cartoons with him.

“Whatever. But I mean...” Eren raised his eyebrows. “You can travel that fast?”

Levi scoffed, beginning to walk with Eren along the emptying sidewalk. Street lights were beginning to flicker on. “That’s not my fastest. But I can’t take you to the speed of light; your body would get destroyed.”

“Spe...Speed of light.” Eren looked down at him, wondering how the heck he could say that so casually. “You can travel at the speed of light.”

“Pretty much.” He shrugged. Eren shook his head.

“That’s...” He didn’t even know what to say. Crazy? Insane? Cool? “..Interesting.”

“It’s nothing.” Levi pointed at Eren’s forehead. “Do you remember why I did that now?”

Eren rubbed his head where Levi had kissed him, and the memory of that dulled out the migraine a bit.

“It was...” He started remembering that night clearer the more he thought about it. “It was when my me and my ex broke up...I was talking to you...And then you kissed me because...”

The kiss let’s Eren remember the name. And the name grants him access to all his memories of him. Eren tilted his head as he realized this. “Huh. Why does that make me remember your name?”

“Beats me.” Said Levi. “You’re the one that came up with the idea. What were you thinking back then, by the way?”

“Hahaha...” Eren laughed awkwardly, and he tripped on an uneven part of the sidewalk but played it off to continue walking. “I-it was mostly a feeling I had...and honestly, I started, uh, thinking about—you know, in uh, um...”

Levi cocked an eyebrow, but Eren couldn’t force himself to finish. He actually could remember what had been going through his head when he came to the conclusion. He’d thought about in fairy tales, like Sleeping Beauty, or Snow White, how ‘true love’s kiss’ or whatever always broke the spells or curses. They weren’t really similar to that in the slightest, and certainly they weren’t ‘true love’ or something stupid like that...God, he couldn’t tell Levi that.

Eren shook his head. “Just a feeling, really. I guessed.”

Levi didn’t look convinced, but he was distracted when Eren’s stomach growled. He looked startled. “What the fuck was that?”

Eren smiled sheepishly. “Sorry, Armin had me in the Library all day, so I didn’t eat—”

“No, really, what the fuck was that?”

“Um,” Eren bit back a laugh. “Have you never heard a stomach growl before? You know, from being hungry?”

He stared blankly. “I don’t get hungry.”

“You don’t eat?”

“I eat sometimes.” He stated. “But you should eat if you’re hungry.”

“Well, we’re going back to my...” Eren stopped as he came up with a better idea. There was a nice ice cream shop ahead.

“Have you ever had ice cream before, Levi?” Eren asked, and he furrowed his brow.

“Um, no?”

Eren took out his wallet as he found them reaching the corner the store was located. “Well you’re going to try it. It’s on me.”

So Eren pulled the reluctant man into the small ice cream shop as they approached it. Eren shuddered into the warmer and clean smelling air, eyes adjusting to the florescent lights and cerulean and white striped walls. He spent a lot of time here with Armin, since the both of them had a passion for the cold dessert. But Eren tried not to spend much money, since all he had was from his shitty job at Apple Bees.

As they stepped up to the counter, Eren recognized a few classmates sitting at the rounded tables, and held back a laugh as one blond guy he knew gave Eren a very confused look. Probably because of his armed unfamiliar short man.

“Hello,” The woman at the counter asked, with a smile masking all the frustrations of a working day. “What would you like today?”

“I’ll take the cookies and cream cup, one scoop, and...” Eren glanced at Levi, who was staring openly into the glass at the display of ice cream flavors. “...What do you want, Levi?”

“What’s that one?” He asked, touching the glass where he pointed.

“Superman.” Eren answered.

“Why the fuck is it rainbow?”

Eren tried not to hide his face in his hands. “Do you like chocolate?”

“I guess.”

“He’ll just take a small chocolate cone, please.” Eren announced back to the cashier. She rolled her eyes and said, “That’ll be $3.80.”

Eren handed her the money and she prepared their orders hastily. Eren guessed her shift was almost off. She handed Levi his waffle cone and Eren the cookies and cream, and they ducked out of the shop before Levi could ask more questions with his tasteful language.

Eren watched as Levi took a small bite out of the chocolate, and he winced. “Shit, that’s cold.”

“Well you don’t bite it.” Eren chuckled, taking a spoonful of his own. “You lick it.”

“That’s weird.” Levi commented begrudgingly, but began licking the swirls of chocolate like a normal person. Eren waited.

“Well?” He asked. “Do you like it?”

Levi hesitated, eating a little more of the ice cream before answering, “It’s all right.”

“You know you got some on your nose.” Eren pointed at the chocolate on Levi’s face. His nose scrunched with disgust and he wiped at it swiftly.

The two walked along silently in the evening, eating their ice cream. Eren hated the fact the freshman dorms were farthest from everything; he would’ve preferred to bike or something. But then again, he didn’t mind having so much time with Levi. He’d never spent this much time with him. This wasn’t how Eren had expected his day to go at all.

And it was really nice. Eren felt really, really happy. Getting to watch Levi’s puzzled attempts at eating ice cream was definitely an added plus.

“So...” Eren started as he tossed out his ice cream cup in a passing trash can. “You don’t eat much, you don’t age, and you happen to have superspeed. Care to explain that?”

Levi stiffened mid-chew of his waffle cone. “Classified.”

“C’mon.”

“No, you don’t need to know.”

“Come ooon,” Eren begged, tugging Levi’s arm. “It’s just your weirdo crazy superpowers, it’s not like I’m asking you’re whys and whats and whatnot. I don’t see the harm in explaining it when I already know about it.”

“Weirdo crazy superpowers? I’m almost crying, you know.” Levi pursed his thin lips at Eren, and finally let out a puff of air. “Fine... This is like...I don’t know, a shell maybe. My body only mimics human physique. I don’t need nutrients, or sleep, any of that. I’m not actually bound to physical limits like human bodies. Nothing I do is actually requiring bodily ability.”

“Eh? So it’s like...” Eren tried to imagine what Armin would think. “You’re like a thing of—no, a mass of energy, built to be...” What was the word his higher IQed buddy used a month ago? “ _anthropological_.”

“Learn that one in the spelling bee?” Levi asked, yet he shrugged. “But it sounds interesting. Maybe.”

“So you’re an alien.”

“What? No.” Levi’s moment of being impressed seemed to vanish. “I’m ...it’s confidential, Eren. I can’t tell you.”

“Why not?” Eren let his head hang back so he could watch the sky. “What would be so revealing about what you are?”

Levi clenched his jaw. “I can’t tell you.”

Eren narrowed his eyes. “Can’t or don’t want to?”

“I—” Levi stuttered, not meeting Eren’s eyes. “No, just...Drop it.”

Eren turned his head away, watching the flowerbeds they strode by for a while. Then, “Well fine, can you tell me anything?”

“Depends on your questions.” Said Levi, who’d grown interested in his boots as they clicked against the pavement. The fact he seemed so desperate to keep Eren from knowing made him all the more curious.

So Eren decided, “Cloak, then. Why do you wear the cloak? People wore those like, before the dinosaurs.”

“Harsh.” Levi droned. “And well, it’s comfortable. We all wear them, it’s like a tradition.”

“Who’s we?”

“Not telling, and that’s not what you’re asking about.” Levi reminded him. He nodded to Eren’s clothes. “What makes your jackets so much better?”

“Um.” Eren pulled up an arm and pointed. “Sleeves, maybe? Better insulation?”

Levi didn’t seem impressed. “Looks bulky. These are nice and free form.”

Eren gave him an incredulous stare. “Oh really? Prove it, switch me.”

Levi clutched the fabric protectively. “But it’s mine.”

“The jacket’s mine too; it’s fair.” Eren rolled his eyes. He didn’t know why he was egging it on, it’s not like he really cared that much to try on the cloak.

Levi pondered it, and then unfastened the clasp and withdrew the fabric, holding it out to Eren. “Fine, take it.”

“Don’t mind if I do.” Said Eren as he took off his own jacket, trying not to stare. He hadn’t seen Levi without the cloak before, and now he could see the slimming gray shirt, the belts on his hips adorned with sword sheathes, the way his shoulders looked broad and how lithe his body really was.

Eren pulled the cloak over his T shirt as Levi awkwardly put on the brown jacket, and his shoulders drooped as if he was having an epiphany. The brown coat was a little bigger on him than it was on Eren, the sleeves only showing his fingertips, but Eren had to admit he pulled it off better.

“This is very soft.” Levi stated, and Eren laughed.

“You act like coats are a new invention or something.” Eren teased as he let Levi’s coat drape over his arms. “Have you even actually worn one before?”

It wasn’t as uncomfortable as he expected it to be; it was actually thicker material than he’d initially thought and pretty nice. That _could_ have to do with the fact it smelled like Levi, like pine in the winter time, and reminded Eren of the many times he’d been in his arms. But Eren didn’t see how this thing could actually help much in the cold.

“Of course I have.” Levi scoffed immediately, but then his face twisted with confusion. “W-well I think I have.”

“How do you only think you have?” Eren cocked an eyebrow, but Levi shook his head.

“Never mind.” He said, stepping away as Eren followed. “It’s actually comfortable. And warm. You left it warm. And it smells like you.”

Eren’s chest swelled. “What do I smell like?”

“Dirty laundry.”

His chest deflated. “Oh.”

The two crossed the street, now getting a few more concerning stares from bystanders with Levi’s swords in plain sight.

“Well, got anymore insulting questions?” Levi said, his hands in his pockets.

“Hey, I wasn’t being that mean.” Eren claimed, but Levi only looked up at the sky, his defined profile silhouetted by the setting sun. His dark hair shimmered against the sun rays that hit his frame.

“Uh...” Eren thought to himself. “What things do you like? Besides cloaks, apparently.”

“What do I like?” Levi repeated, exchanging a glance. “Is this a blind date or something?”

“N-no...” _Sure feels like one_. “What else am I supposed to ask?”

Levi shrugged. “I don’t put interest in much.”

“That sounds crappy.”

“Fine. Cleaning.” He glowered at Eren. “Happy?”

“Lame.” Eren objected. “You’ve got to like more than that. That’s just not human.”

“I’m _not.”_ He pointed out, but he groaned at Eren’s unaccepting face. “Well...I like the sky, I guess. And black tea.”

“The sky?” Eren looked up.

Levi shook his head. “No..Not this one. It’s disgusting.” He squinted towards the taller buildings. “But when you’re not in the city, and it’s clear and night and you can see the stars. It’s best like that.”

Eren beamed. “See? Was that so hard to say, Levi?”

“Yes.”

Eren looked down at him, and a frown fought its way on his face. He hesitated before voicing his thoughts.

“I really want to know who you are, Levi.”

“You can’t know.” He said firmly.

God, he felt so _frustrated_ by that. These so important things, the things Eren needed to know more than anything, Levi kept his mouth sealed shut. He wanted to know what Levi was, and why he saved Eren. Why Eren’s luck was the size of a dime, why everything changed after the fire.

“What’s the point in keeping it from me?”” Eren grumbled, wishing the words weren’t as true as they were. “I’m just going to forget it, anyways.”

Levi wouldn’t look at him as a breeze blew past. “And what if you don’t.”

Eren stared at him, finding it funny that he didn’t even want to take a risk that surely couldn’t transpire. What would happen if he knew what his protector was, or why Eren needed him? Would the information kill him?

Or worse, was Levi hiding something? Eren feared that more than the first possibility.

But he doubted it. Besides his disgruntled and harsh personality, there wasn’t a single thing wrong with him. He was always there for Eren, and saved him over and over again. There was no way that could be because he was evil or hateful. The thought was ridiculous.

“Can you at least tell me about it?” Eren begged. “Like, anything. Not even specifics. You said the daemon thing was similar, right? Are you like a ghost of some kind?”

Levi was quiet, as if deciding whether he could answer. “Maybe a little.”

At least that was something. “So do you know about afterlife crap or whatever? What happens when you die?”

Levi’s shoulders stiffened uncomfortably. “I don’t know much about it.”

“But what _do_ you know?” Eren prodded. He pondered whether he even wanted to know something like this, but he wanted Levi to explain things about his huge perspective. He had so much more information than Eren had, and he was endlessly curious. He’d like to see what Armin would do with Levi.

The man settled his narrowed gaze at Eren, and rubbed his chin.

“It’s just a peaceful purgatory. Nothing special. In some way you only exist without feeling, hell, that’s how some shitheads waste their lives, anyway. I doubt you’ll even be able to care.”

“...Oh.” Eren murmured, trying not to sound too disappointed.

But really, he felt like a rock just dropped in the pit of his stomach. He never put any stock in religious things, he’d always thought he was agnostic, but...It was strange hearing something sound so set in stone. Levi said it like he’d been there himself or something, and seeing as how Eren had no idea what the guy was, that option was probable.

And yeah, Eren thought the ideals of a utopia after death to be a little ridiculous. Not because it was like a childish dream for that to exist, but because, why should you be rewarded for being a decent person? Why should you be given a gift for doing what’s right? People shouldn’t need a pat on the back for doing good actions when that’s what should be done in the first place. Eren didn’t need a thank you for having morals.

Although, he didn’t hate the idea of sick bastards having to burn in Hell the rest of eternity for animalistic cruelty. And in the end, Eren would’ve hoped, though it be unlikely, for there to really be some kind of Heaven or Paradise to go to. For there to really be an eternal peace after the frustration and hardships of life. Somewhere Eren’s thoughts and actions wouldn’t be so easily restrained, somewhere he’d be free.

And maybe even somewhere he could see his mom.

Eren didn’t remember his mom that well, but he remembered her smile. He remembered when she’d hold him and tell him bedtime stories. He remembered how she’d pinch his ear when she scolded him. And he could remember when she’d argue with his dad and his “business partners”, and they’d hit her while his dad didn’t move. But yet, there were times that left him blind to that as a child, when his parents took him to the park and sat together, smiling and laughing.

Nothing about his life had been the same after the fire. He still hated whatever celestial asshole up above that decided he needed that.

Levi observed Eren as he stared at his feet, taking in the real truth of his imminent end. It wasn’t until they were approaching Eren’s dorm he murmured, “...Eren?”

“What?” He snapped his head back up and tried to look as cheerful as before.

“You look...” Levi didn’t finish, but Eren could tell he wasn’t buying his face. His brows were angled down with concern, and looking regretful he’d said a thing. He actually looked sympathetic, guilty even, about what he’d put so simply. He wet his lips.

“That isn’t the only thing.” Levi added, stopping in front of the entrance of the Eren's building. “Purgatory, I mean. There’s...There are rare occasions of reincarnation.”

His eyes widened.

“Really?” Eren said, and then felt suspicious. “You aren’t just saying that, are you?”

“Why would I?” Levi sighed. “It’s a second chance thing that Fate...I mean, some people get to have it when they die, and their souls are simply rebirthed. I’ve never personally seen an occasion of it, but it has happened.”

Eren had to admit that sounded cooler. “So those are our choices after life? Nothing else?”

Levi looked uncomfortable again. Like he was definitely hiding something here.

“Yeah. That’s it."

Eren’s phone vibrated in his jacket pocket, which was on Levi, and Levi pulled out the device with a startled expression. Eren snatched it from him and looked at the new message he’d received.

“It’s Armin.” He announced. “Says he’s on his way back with Starbucks so we can cram a bit longer before our test...What is it?”

Levi watched the phone with distaste. “You’d better head up soon then.”

He said _you,_ not _we._ Eren’s throat felt dry. “Oh...So...you’re going to disappear.”

“Eren.” Levi spoke decisively, inching closer and his face sincere. “I don’t want your friend burdened with seeing me; you already are. I’m...”

He fixed his gaze away from Eren’s. “Today was risky, brat. I’m not even supposed to be showing myself to you. At all.” He sighed. “The difference was that you faintly remember me anyway, memories that I can’t get rid of no matter how long I avoid your sight.”

Eren didn’t like how he said that. As if he wished he _could._

He didn’t know what to say. There were so many more questions he wanted to ask, so much more he wanted to say, so much more he wanted Levi to learn, and so much time he just wanted to spend with him.

“I don’t want to forget you.” Eren admitted, to which Levi didn’t reply.

They stood silently, staring at each other, because both understood what was next. That this was the goodbye-not-so-goodbye. When Levi would disappear. When they would go another length of time, who knew how long, where Levi would be seeing Eren without having the return.

Where Eren would gradually, yet as soon as he fell asleep, forget everything. Forget his voice, forget his subtle smile and not-so-subtle scowl. Forget that he knows little about jackets and cell phones. Eren won’t remember that he loves cleaning and black tea, and the sky when it was nighttime, where it showed its secrets of the stars and the moon. He’ll even forget the way Levi used to hold him, and everything else that went with their history.

And worst of all, he’ll forget his name. The word that had become Eren’s favorite thing on his tongue. Levi.

“Could you...” Eren started awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, I know it’s been a while, but...”

“Just spit it out, brat.” Levi grated impatiently.

Eren made a small laugh, watching a car pass them on the street. “It’s just, you... haven’t held me in a long time.”

Levi glanced to the side. “You’re point is?”

Eren swallowed. He didn’t have to make it so difficult. “Well, could you now? Just like, you know, a hug?”

He watched the man’s thin lips part, and Eren expected some kind of scolding for the request. But he only said, “It’s not like it’s as easy. You’re taller than me now, as you’ve so kindly pointed out several times.”

“It can’t be that different though.” Countered Eren. Levi bit his lip.

“Trust me.” He said with the slightest smirk. “It’s different.”

Eren wasn’t sure what he meant by that, but before he could question it, Levi asked, “Why do you want to?”

Of course he’d ask that. Eren couldn’t tell if he just wanted to embarrass him or was really that clueless of what humans liked to do. The truth was, Levi’s arms were the safest things in the world for Eren. He just felt better when they were around him, no matter how they were. And feeling him around Eren, it just proved he really was there. He was real and holding Eren and staying with him. Untold promises always lay in his arms, promises that Levi never managed to truly speak.

“It just makes me happy.” Eren sighed, accepting his defeat in clearly not getting any hugging action. Because Levi never really did so unless he needed to, right?

But like a miracle, Levi shook his head. “You’re ridiculous.” He said, and he gave a short nod. “Come here.”

And just like that, Eren surged forward without question and wrapped his arms around Levi who, too quickly to be disapproving, responded in circling his arms around Eren’s neck. Already, he felt so natural in his arms. Like their bodies were each other’s pieces broken from a glass vase. Together they’d make something beautiful, yet fragile.

Eren had to admit it, that it was true. It _was_ different. Because before, there was always something wrong with Eren, and Levi was the one there to comfort him, to hold him and listen. But this was simple affection. Just from mutual caring and longing to hold the other. And the way Levi stroked his neck showed just how mutual it was, and it sent shivers down the taller man’s spine. It only caused Eren to hold him tighter, to bury his nose into the crook of Levi’s neck. It was a perfect fit.

And Eren wanted to stay there forever, forever in the street light in front of his dorm building, where the sun was retreating and leaving the sky purple and pink. The colors were too romantic for their own good.

But it somehow gave Eren the courage to give Levi one last thing before all these little details were forgotten.

He craned his neck so he could touch his forehead to Levi’s, and he smiled. Levi managed a weak glare.

“What is it?”

“Could I try something?” Eren asked quietly, not parting his gaze from Levi’s veiled one.

“I don’t like your ideas.” Levi grumbled, but didn’t deny permission. Eren swallowed, forcing his nerves down. But Levi’s hands drawing circles into his shoulder blades gave him all the pluck he needed.

Eren turned his head and kissed him.

Nothing extraordinary, only a modest act to a person he cherished. Something that may not have even been romantic, despite the rosy shades of an October evening. Despite the chilled air making Levi feel so warm in his arms and on his lips. Despite the fireworks blooming in Eren’s chest, and his pull to do it again. Despite the cobalt eyes that stared as Eren pulled his lips away, wider and brighter than they’d ever been.

Eren couldn’t help grinning at that purely lost expression. He’d really managed to surprise him, even after so many years.

Levi’s arms didn’t leave, but he suddenly seemed a million miles away. “Why did you do that? You already remember my name, you don’t have to.”

“Do you think that’s the only reason I’d do it?” Eren said, wondering how Levi could look so young when his eyes didn’t seem so hollow.

“What other reason could you have?” Levi murmured, his eyes finally narrowing.

Eren tilted his head, finally letting his hands leave Levi’s waist so he could cross his arms. “Because I wanted to. Do you really think everything needs some complicated reason? Sometimes it’s just the way it is, simple as that.”

“You—” Levi faltered and his gaze lingered on Eren, frozen for a long moment, with a semblance he just couldn’t read. It looked stunned, or scared, maybe even hurt. As if Eren suddenly reminded him of a sore memory.

It was a while before Levi let his shoulders relax, and he adjusted the collar of Eren’s jacket he wore. So much was going through his head at that moment, and Eren wanted so badly to understand. But all Levi said was, “I guess so.”

A heavy breeze passed, and Levi shivered unintentionally. So Eren smiled and unclasped Levi’s cloak from his own shoulders and returned it to its rightful owner, draping it over his smaller frame.

Levi’s eyebrows furrowed, and he tugged at the other material peeking out from the black cloak. “Don’t you want your jacket back?”

“Keep it, I have plenty.” Eren told him, letting his hands brush Levi’s shoulders gently before dropping them back to his sides. “Enjoy the modern insolation.”

Levi was still watching Eren inquisitively, and then he looked down, putting his hands in his coat pockets. “Eren.”

“Yes?”

He seemed hesitant to speak.

“Close your eyes for me. Keep them shut for ten seconds.” He ordered, still refusing to meet Eren’s gaze. Although Eren’s heart ached with dread, he couldn’t say no. He only nodded slowly, closed his eyes and counted.

Ten.

Nine.

“Try not to forget, all right, kid?”

Eight, seven, six.

Eren couldn’t bring himself to answer.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

“Don’t look so sad.”

One.

Eren halfheartedly opened his eyes.

And Levi was gone.

Eren stood alone under a darkening sky, where he knew if he wasn’t in a polluted city, the stars would be awakening, twinkling into existence like silver jewels and dotting the atmosphere. But the sky was a blank, sad slate of smoky color.

Eren started heading up to his dorm, repeating the words over and over again.

Levi. Levi isn’t human, he likes the sky, black tea, and cleaning. And Eren trusts Levi. He can’t forget that.

“Dammit.” Eren cursed, slamming his fist into his room door. “Dammit, dammit. Dammit.”

He finally unlocked and opened up his dorm, lying down on his bunk without turning on the lights. He didn’t want to forget it. He didn’t want to forget that he’d kissed him today. He didn’t want to forget anything! Why did he always forget him?

He never even asked how Captain felt about being forgotten...

“Shit. _Levi.”_ Eren seized his phone out of his pocket and pulled up a blank text to no one.

“Levi. Levi.” Eren murmured as he typed the name out. He’d tried this approach, but every time the message would be erased somehow. “Levi. Levi....Levi...”

He could feel it slipping away somehow. He didn’t want it to. Eren was trying so hard not to. And if he lost the name, he’d lose everything else.

“Please...” Eren begged, still typing it out. This was what happened every single time after seeing him. His vision was getting blurry, the words he typed were turning to gibberish, and his thoughts were turning to mesh as if luring him to sleep. But he couldn’t sleep, he’d forget it. He’d forget that name. That beautiful name that felt so perfect on his tongue. That name...

Oh god, what was it?

He couldn’t forget the name, not this quickly... He wasn’t ready for this. Despite knowing that he was still there somewhere, Eren had never felt so alone before.

“Captain...” Eren said to himself, feeling the urge to cry like a lump in his throat. His chest felt empty and his heart didn’t even want to beat anymore. “Damn it, what was your name?”

The message he’d been typing disappeared, too. He was staring at a blank message. The name was already gone. His guardian was back to being Captain, and soon enough he’d be only the shadow in the back of his mind again, always there, always _lingering—_

Eren’s phone started going off suddenly. He shrieked and dropped it when it did, but shook it off and picked it up again. He was getting a call from someone. He guessed Armin, but it wasn’t.

“Mikasa?” Eren asked out loud when he saw the screen, standing up from his bed. “Why are you...”

He jabbed the green button and put the phone to his ear. “Hello?”

“Hi, Eren. It’s Mikasa.” Her soft voice came, and despite the horrible time she’d caught, it wasn’t so bad hearing her. It made him feel less alone.

“Yeah I know. What is it?” He asked, blinking into the darkness of his dorm. It was a moment before Mikasa spoke again.

“Are you all right?”

“Y-yeah, I’m fine.” Eren wiped his eyes and ignored the tear he’d wiped away.

“Well, Armin is on his way back.” She explained. Her voice sounded higher pitched and sweeter over the phone. “We went to Starbucks. He’s bringing coffee for you. Good luck on your test.”

“Oh, okay.” Eren rubbed his forehead, only half listening to the conversation. He was still trying to dig up the name he’d forgotten. “Is that it?”

“Ah...” Her voice trailed off awkwardly, like she was nervous. He would’ve pictured her fiddling her thumbs or shrouding her face into her scarf.

“I-I just had a question for you, I’m sorry if it seems strange. Armin and I were talking and I just had this strange feeling about you... and when I looked up at the second floor in the library, I...I saw you, you were with this man up there...” Eren felt chills down his back. “And...I-I can’t really remember what he looked like, but...”

So she’d seen him with someone at the library? That was right, he’d been with _him._ Yet he was fading from her memory too; Eren was surprised she’d remembered him this long.

God knows Eren would’ve forgotten already. He waited for her to ask, “Who was he?” and be completely unable to answer the question.

But that’s not what she asked.

Nothing could’ve prepared him for what she _did_ ask.

“Was that person’s name Levi?”

The phone clattered to the floor.

Eren’s knees buckled, and the world went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoa doesn't that make things a little more complicated huh but heyo Mikasa is finally here!
> 
> thank you for reading, and sorry i was just on a roll with clueless Levi in this chapter, hope you enjoyed!  
> Also never go clothes shopping with Eren cause he'll see the brand "Levi's" and have a mental breakdown


	8. Chapter 8

He watched him through the fire escape.

He watched him shrivel up in a fetal position on his bed, and he watched him breakdown. He watched him say his name, over and over, yet slower each time. He was more uncertain of it the more he said it.

“Damn it, Eren.” Levi murmured to himself, pressing his hand to the cold window and wanting to sink straight through it. “You don’t care about me. You don’t miss me.”

It would be so much easier if he didn’t. Eren would go to sleep peacefully and wake up without the slightest remnant of his god that shadow his every move. And he’d be at peace. He’d continue on with his life without a care about it like he should’ve when he was five, and find a nice career and make a family and live a life he should be living.

But instead, he was lying on his bed, seconds from crying, because of _him._ Levi was the reason he was hurting. All he wanted to do was go in there and hold him like he had before when Eren cried. He wanted to soothe his trembling words as the name he spoke became “captain.”

Then Eren’s phone seemed to be ringing and he was on the phone, masking the pain he was in like he always tried to do. Eren really hated it when people were concerned for him.

Looks like it only took a few minutes for him to forget this time.

“What can I do to stop this?” Levi muttered, half to himself, half to anyone who knew the answer. How could he? He wanted Eren to live a normal life. That was all.

But he didn’t want Eren to forget him. He’d even said that to him. Levi liked how Eren smiled at him too much. He liked how he’d wanted to show him parts of the modern world Levi never had the time to see. He liked that he showed interest in Levi’s world.

His chest was torn in two. His selfish side wanted Eren to himself, to get to see that hopeful face when he looked at his guardian and keep on living the dream that belonged to Eren’s younger self. The dream that Levi was Eren’s guardian, his angel, selflessly saving his life day after day.

But his other side knew better. That all of it was a lie he’d kept from Eren. And if Eren knew, fuck, if Eren knew what Levi had done, he would never see that smile again.

Levi couldn’t finish these thoughts, however.

Because Eren suddenly crumbled to the floor.

“Eren?” Levi shouted, and he immediately reacted. He willed himself in Eren’s dorm room invisibly and leaned over him, careful not to let their skin touch.

What’d happened?

By the looks of it, Eren passed out somehow. His eyes were shut like he was sleeping, but he looked like a rag doll. His phone had fallen out of his hand. Fuck, was something wrong with him? Was his heart still beating? Was he breathing?

What if he died in these next moments and Levi couldn’t stop it like he always did? What if he never opened those beautiful eyes again and never saw the world he’d cherished again? A fear clutched Levi’s insides, a fear he’d never felt before. Not really. Because he trusted himself not to let Eren die.

Levi pressed his head against Eren’s chest; yes, he was alive and his lungs were functioning. But what’d happened? He’d never had an internal problem; every near death experience was outside.

Wait...Every near death experience Eren has had was from an outside force. Outside forces...nothing has ever happened to Eren internally. If Fate really wanted to kill Eren, wouldn’t it...Wouldn’t it attack those functioning lungs? Illnesses? Disease? Something Levi couldn’t stop?

There was something off here and for some reason Levi was only just now noticing it. Or maybe he'd ignored it.

But he had to shake it off. Eren was in trouble right now, Levi didn’t have time to start putting sketchy puzzle pieces together. Yet, Levi was terrified of trying to help, because what if Eren wakes and sees him? He’d already went through the good bye today. He couldn’t make him do it again. It was worse on him each time.

Oh fuck, what if this had to do with seeing Levi?

Fuck it. Levi grabbed Eren’s shoulders, knowing full well he would be in sight. But Eren had to open his eyes. Levi couldn’t stand it if they never did again. He didn’t want a world where the kid was...

“Eren. Eren wake up. Open your eyes.” Levi shook him gently, but his head lulled. “Eren, please. What’s wrong? Did I do this? Talk to me. Open your eyes. Do something—”

A sound like someone unlocking the door came from outside in the hall. Levi rapidly forced the mist to shroud him again, to cover him from human sight, and the door opened right after.

Levi could almost calm down. He wasn’t seen, but that had been too close. Letting people see him off the streets? That didn’t matter much. But with Eren retaining memory all the time, he wasn’t sure what would happen if those close to Eren saw him, too. And Levi doubted he'd be able to withstand an interrogation from that blond friend of Eren's.

“Eren, why are you always in here with the lights off?” Eren's childhood friend and roommate Armin greeted as he turned on the light. “Got some coffee so...Eren?”

Armin’s eyes found Eren out cold on the floor, and he dropped the Starbucks coffees in his hands. The liquid pooled around his sneakers.

“Eren!” He shouted, kneeling down on the floor and shaking his friend. “Eren, what happened? Eren!”

It was horrible seeing the blondie’s face. He was really scared from this. And Levi understood. Because he knew Eren’s life was as fragile as glass, and Armin was never going to know what day Levi would fail and Eren would be gone forever.

Levi never wanted to let that happen.

“Eren! Eren!” Armin kept shouting, and finally, the kid’s eyes opened, wide and alert, and he sat up, ramming his skull into Armin’s. Levi sighed in relief.

“Agh!” Eren grunted, grabbing his forehead as Armin did the same. Levi kept stepping back, away from Eren, away from the frightening possibility he’d see him. But as Eren’s eyes panned the room, he did not stop on Levi. Levi was safe.

“Eren,” Armin started, still staring at Eren with concern. “What happened? Are you—”

Eren grabbed Armin’s wrist suddenly, looking determined and anxious. His pupils were blown, eyes stretched wide. He looked almost daunting.

“It...” He stuttered. “Mi...Mikasa...She knew it!”

Armin cocked his head, his blond locks falling with it. “She...knew what?”

“She...the name...” Eren said, still just as incoherently. “The name...she knew it, she knew the name, Mikasa knows the name, what’s the name, what is it...”

“You’re... not making any sense.” Armin told him, his eyes wide at Eren. He was actually scared. Levi couldn’t help feeling that, too. What was the kid talking about?

Eren held his head still, like his whole world was spinning and he couldn’t stop it, and that bloodcurdling expression dwindled away. “Shit... I...I passed out didn’t I.”

“Yes.” Armin nodded, seemingly relieved Eren stopped rambling. “I just found you on the floor—”

“Fuck!” Eren cursed, slamming his fist into the wood panels. “It happened again! I know it!”

“Eren...” Armin held his friend’s shoulder gently. “Calm down, the people below us will get mad...Eren, were you crying?”

“No!” Eren denied, wiping his face. “It’s just...He was there, Armin. I saw _him_ again today. Captain. I didn’t even get hurt, but he was here, I saw him... I swear I did. That’s why I...I left, didn’t I?”

“Y-yes. You did...” Armin’s eyes widened, but with too much sympathy to be optimistic. Because as Eren’s closest friend, he was probably aware of the pattern. “Did you learn anything? Or did you...”

Armin trailed off, avoiding the words _forget._ But Eren swallowed with a pained face, shutting his eyes and shaking his head. He spoke carefully, like it was difficult.

“I forgot everything. I...can’t remember his name anymo—” Eren froze. He looked at Armin. “HIS NAME!”

Levi had never seen this before. So maybe he’d been forced into passing out so the memories could be buried. But...What was he rambling about right then? He’d been saying Mikasa knew, and was talking about a name. He couldn't possibly mean...

“Eren, quiet!”

“That was it!” He grabbed Armin’s shoulders, shaking the poor blond restlessly. “It’s Mikasa!”

“Captain’s name is Mikasa?” Armin guessed with confusion.

Eren shook his head. “No, no. We need to call her. _Right now_.”

“What?” Armin said, putting his hands up. “No, she went to bed, we can call her tomorrow—”

“That’ll be too late.” Eren interrupted, standing up and searching around the room. He started tossing aside miscellaneous objects. “Fuck, where’s my phone...”

Armin picked up the device where it’d fallen on the floor. Eren moved to retrieve it, but Armin pulled his hand away.

“You’re not going to bother her unless you tell me what happened.” Armin stated, making Eren glare at him. He was watching his friend like he was misunderstanding the most important thing in the universe.

And then Eren said it, pointedly, with his teeth gritting together.

“Mikasa. Knows. His. Name.”

Levi felt shock like it was taking the world out from beneath him.

 _“What?”_ He said the word out loud. But that was the only thought he could process. What the hell was Eren saying? How did his friend know Levi’s name? Did she remind him? Who is she to know that?

Levi couldn’t deny there was something strange about her. When Levi saw that girl, he felt a cold chill like someone walking over your grave. Like there was something ominous about her, trying to tell Levi something important.

“Wha...What?” Armin was saying, staring openly at Eren as he paced around his unkempt side of the dorm. “You can’t be talking about Captain, can you? That’s...Eren that...doesn’t make sense.”

“But she did.” Eren insisted. “I-I can’t remember, but she said it; she called me before I passed out and told me. I know she did! It w-was...” Eren pulled at his hair in frustration. “I don’t even know! But it was like she knew him or something!”

 _“Knew_ me?” Levi murmured, since he had to speak out loud to know for sure what he was even saying. His mind was too chaotic. “No one knows me. There is not a single soul alive that knows me besides you.”

Armin was holding his head like the thoughts were going to flood out of him. “How on earth would Mikasa know him?”

“Arrgh! I don’t know!” Eren wouldn’t stop pacing and Armin strode by where Levi stood to open the window. “But she did and we need to get a hold of her, I need to talk to her before she forgets it—“

“Eren, you need to calm down.” Armin said, holding Eren’s upper arms and forcing his friend to sit down. “Don’t get so worked up.”

Levi was probably only seconds away from showing up and—although it would just make the situation worse—demanding from Eren what was happening, and why that girl had apparently known his name, because Levi didn’t doubt for a second Eren was telling the truth. Eren never lied about these things. But, before Levi could move—

“Hello Levi.”

His blood went cold.

He hadn’t heard that voice in almost fifteen years.

And now he was behind him. Shit, what was _he_ doing here? This had to be something important for him to come. Did he know what Levi had been doing? That he’d made contact with Eren? That he’d spent a lengthy period of time talking with him and learning about ‘ice cream’ and ‘tessings’ and had held him and let him...God, Levi let Eren kiss him.

Levi failed to make Eren’s life completely average, and now he was going to face the consequences. That’s the only reason Levi could think of why the puller of strings would show up now. Was he going to eradicate Levi? Banish him? Or worse, what if he’d changed his mind and wanted to let Eren die? What if he wanted Levi to slit Eren’s neck and harvest the soul he was meant to take years ago?

There were too many possible outcomes here.

“Erwin.”

Levi could only utter the name quietly. The name of that righteous yet so terrifying God. If he wasn’t as honest a deity, he could force Fate itself to bow to him. Levi turned to the window behind him and saw Erwin standing on the fire escape, clad in a nice white button up and brown slacks and a long over coat. The voices of Eren and Armin aruging faded into the background as Levi stared. Erwin was watching the sky with a cigarette in his hand, as if he hadn’t just greeted the lesser god. As if he was just a man enjoying a quiet nightfall.

But before Levi could decide he really hadn’t addressed him, he took a drag of his cigarette and said, “It’s been too long, Levi. Let’s go for a walk.”

Levi didn’t move. “What about him?”

Erwin didn’t need to ask who he was talking about. “Don’t worry. I have some gods stationed around the premises, they’ll keep Eren alive, I promise.”

Erwin smiled knowingly and turned to Levi, those ice blue eyes piercing under his skin and chilling him to the core. “Of course, it would only bring your punishment to an early completion if he died, right? Wouldn’t that satisfy you?”

Levi probably didn’t fight off his revolted scowl too well from those words. But shit, what was Levi going to do? Was Erwin telling the truth? Would Eren really be safe?

But in the end, Levi really wasn’t going to have a choice. He was going to have to leave him right now; he didn’t want to know what Erwin would do if he refused him.  
He swallowed, and looked over at the boy still needing comfort from anyone but Levi. His green eyes were wide with anxiety, cluelessness, striving to understand what was going on around him. But he understood almost as much as Levi did.

“I’m coming back.” Levi whispered, saying the words for Eren’s ears, even if they’d never reach him. And then he joined the God for Catastrophe, not knowing how true the words he’d just spoken would turn out to be.

* * *

Erwin and Levi walked along the streets quietly until Eren’s dorm was far from sight. Eventually they were stepping through a community park, only illuminated by streetlights. Very few people were still walking about, and it was as quiet as a populated city could manage, save the whistling of an easy wind.

Leaves swished around at their feet on the concrete paths, making for a constant soft sound of rustling against the fall breeze. And Levi was pretty sure the temperature was cold enough that regular humans would be able to see their breath. Levi did feel that sting of cold, but Eren’s jacket he still wore helped a lot. He buried his face in its collar, still smelling of his stupid cologne.

The autumn air and park setting gave Levi a strange nostalgic feeling. It reminded him of that Indian summer, when Eren was eight and he’d forced Levi into sight by jumping out of a fucking tree. He remembered the big smile he’d had, how happy he’d looked, through the dirt on his face and cuts on his cheeks. That’d been one of the first times Levi really talked to him, and it was all because Eren was too damn stubborn. Never really changed, that kid.

Erwin tried for some small talk, but seeing as how Levi wasn’t in the mood and it was hard for celestial beings to find small things to talk about in the first place, the taller god gave up.

“So, how have you been?” Erwin finally asked, sounding fairly sincere. But Levi only glared at him, wishing he could just get this over with.

“What, since when have you been concerned with my wellbeing?” He grumbled, looking in the direction of Eren’s dorm. He wanted to get the hell back if he was going to be able to. “Just come out with what you’re here for.”

Erwin cocked his head. “What’s wrong with the possibility I do want to hear?”

“I know you don’t care about petty things like feelings we aren’t supposed to possess.”

Erwin shrugged. “Fine then; I’ll ask a different question. How has this mission being going for you, Levi? How is the human?”

“His name is Eren.” Levi snapped immediately, and then he cleared his throat awkwardly. “Well, it’s going fucking dandy, thank you. Is that all you wanted?”

Erwin cracked a small smile, showing he saw through Levi’s verbal abuse. “I’m not so sure about the truth to that answer, Levi. Hadn’t he just lost consciousness? And you were absolutely unable to assist him? I wouldn’t consider that doing dandy.”

Levi’s throat was dry and he didn’t reply. He wished Erwin could try not knowing fucking everything. He just kept his eyes fixed in front of him, not turning to the God before him. He could only think back to the horrible condition he had been forced to leave Eren in. When he was part of the reason for it. Again.

“What factors brought him to that, I wonder?” Erwin asked as if reading his mind. Maybe he was. And it was too damn obvious he was dragging this out for good sadistic fun. “Did it have anything to do with you?”

He kept his mouth shut.

“Answer me, Levi.”

“God damn it.” He inhaled deeply and let it out. He was sick of Erwin dancing around what he wanted to know.

“Yes. Yes, it did. But who gives a shit why, because you’re right, he fucking knows about me. He’s not living a normal life because he wastes more than half his fucking time trying to figure out what I am. And he’s absolutely miserable and there’s nothing I can do about it because his memories aren’t completely disappearing like they’re supposed to.”

For a moment Erwin gave Levi a look that some people would even call sympathetic. “Tell me everything.”

“You know it, anyways, mister know-it-all.” Levi whined.

“Name calling aside.” Erwin said, sitting down on a park bench and Levi followed suit. “No matter what I know, I want to hear it from you. Tell me everything.”

And so, to an extent, he did. He doubted he had much to lose in it. Erwin had ways of knowing anything he wanted to know, anyway. He explained how Eren had called his Captain, how Eren never completely forgot him, and how he always tried over and over again to talk to Levi. That Eren had conjured up this idea that Levi was some kind of protector, a guardian angel for him, and he wanted to know if it was true and wanted to, needed to know what Levi was.

He told him about the jumping out of a tree incident, the time Eren went down the Niagara Falls, all of the incidents where Eren had forced Levi into contacting him. He tried to leave out the times their contact had been more intimate than he wanted to admit.

And he told Erwin about this past day, how he’d spent more time with Eren than the regular routine. He even mentioned that Eren had him try ice cream, which was this cold dessert treat that tasted very sweet but you can’t bite into it or your teeth will hurt like a bitch. Erwin looked fascinated by this food and probably wanted more information about it, but Levi continued with his briefing. And he finally finished with telling the higher deity about Eren having a bad time in forgetting Levi, and then passed out after his friend called and apparently told him Levi’s name.

It was strange, but Erwin seemed interested and listened whole-heartedly to the entirety of Levi’s stories about Eren. Maybe he was intrigued by the peculiar bond that had been made between a mortal and immortal. Maybe he only needed to know all these facts to see to the perfect punishment now for Levi. Or maybe he just listened so he could know it was time to end Eren once and for all. Levi couldn’t be sure.

But as far as Levi knew, Erwin was honorable. And he knew more than any being in existence. He was the chess player or the world, after all. But, no matter what, he always seemed to do whatever was the right thing, whichever action would lead to the best outcome, no matter the cost and its damage for the 'now'. But sometimes it terrified Levi, because he was never sure what those actions would mean for himself and the current world. And sometimes, Levi felt doubt towards him. But all he could do was trust Erwin’s decisions. Even whatever horrible thing he had planned now.

Levi ran his hand through his hair and leaned back on the park bench, tired from his lengthy talk. “Erwin, before you inflict your god damn punishment, please tell me you know why he won’t forget me. Is this part of my punishment or some shit? Is it to watch him suffer even more? Tell me.”

He finally looked at the blond man, and Erwin was quiet, maybe not expecting Levi to just burst at the seams. But every machine breaks every once in a while, doesn’t it?

“I wouldn’t have expected his mentality to bother you so much, Levi.” Erwin said, and Levi could just hear the smile in his words. “Did he grow on you?”

Levi grit his teeth. “Answer the damn question.”

“I’m not planning on any further punishment for you, you know.” Erwin explained, making it Levi’s turn to be surprised. “It’s not to any fault of your own that Eren remembers you. You didn’t have any control over his life being conspicuously changed by you. So I guess now it won't change anything for you to have any affiliation with him.”

“Then why does he?” Levi urged. “What’s causing him to remember me? It’s not right.”

Erwin considered the question for a while, and said, “Maybe he’s just a special person.”

Levi doubted he believed a word of that. This was confirmed when he added, “But the most likely cause is simply your constant presence around him.”

Levi raised an eyebrow. “That’s it?”

Erwin nodded. “Death gods never stick around the same mortal. Because when you are close to one, it is in their final moments. But, your ‘Eren’ is certainly a different case.”

He reached into his coat pocket to retrieve a pack of cigarettes. Erwin enjoyed those for some odd reason, maybe the same way Levi still enjoyed black tea. But he usually only smoked them when he was fairly troubled. One would expect that to be more often for someone in control of all the cruelty in the universe, but Erwin was quite the patient man.

“He saw you that first moment, and he was able to retain your memory temporarily with a tangible connection to you he had made.” He tapped his temple when he said this. “And now, you’re constantly with him, and—though he is not fully aware of it—your mere company brings on enough salvation to his thoughts, even though he cannot see you. Sub consciously, he still feels you with him.”

Levi took in these words, watching as Erwin brought a cigarette to his mouth. He felt like the universe was tipping on him.

“So...” Levi started as Erwin lit up. “Are you saying if I was gone long enough, he’d...Eren would forget me entirely?”

Erwin’s face was unreadable in the dim fire light he’d made. “In all probability.”

So that was it. His answer. He could save Eren the pain forever by simply leaving. That was all he had to do, and Eren would forget everything about him.  
Not only his name, not only his face. There would be no more blurs, no more Captain. Eren would forget all the history, and not even know of the shadow lurking in the back of his mind. Levi would be reduced to nothing and disappear like dust in the wind, and Eren would be ready to live a normal life. Eren would be free. And Eren would be happy.

But the pain Levi felt in his chest from that outcome was almost unbearable.

“All right. Whatever.” Levi replied, shrugging away the hollow feeling in his stomach. “So if you’re not punishing me for my connection with him, why are you here?”

“Well, I’m here to warn you.” Erwin replied as if that was not an alarming explanation.

“What? Warn me?” Levi echoed. “About what?”

Erwin exhaled, the smoke hazing over his face. “I’ll get straight to the point. That woman who has begun a friend ship with your mortal. Mikasa I believe is the name, the Japanese one. I’m sure you are aware of what occurred tonight, correct? Under circumstances, the two of you should not possess any further associations to her.”

Mikasa? Even Erwin, one of the highest ranking gods in the universe, was noticing her existence? Who in fuck’s name was she? Her name was still leaving chills down Levi’s spine. This had to be involving the fact she’d known Levi’s name, and this also meant that it was true. She’d known it, and tried to tell Eren for some peculiar reason. What could any of this mean? And why did he want to keep Levi away, as well? There was something Levi really wasn’t getting here, something Erwin wasn’t telling him and it was pissing him off.

“Well, how the hell do you want me to do that, Erwin?” Levi asked, throwing his arms out. “Eren is determined as fuck, and he remembers this event separate from me. He’s gonna know that his friend knows my name and he isn’t going to stop until she tells him. I can’t just break off a friendship or something.”

Erwin’s face darkened. “There are other ways to break a bond, if it necessary. And if that’s the case, it might very well be.”

Levi felt his heart drop to his stomach.

“No. Fuck no. I’m not doing that. I will _never_ do that.”

“If nothing really is going to stop Eren,” Erwin still said the name like a test subject. “Then you should do what’s required to keep them from speaking. That’s an order.”

“No. Fuck you.” Levi growled, standing from the bench. “I’m already his mother’s murderer. I am not going to fucking kill one of his best friends. No fucking way.”

Erwin raised his thick brows. “Is that so?”

“I will never take the life of another person that matters to Eren.” Levi declared. “One was worse enough.”

“Those are quite strong words.” Erwin noted, his pale blue eyes narrowed. “I happen to think every life matters to that boy. Are you implying you’ll never take a soul again?”

Erwin stood up and closed much of their distance, his height becoming all the more intimidating. Levi felt like his body was slipping away.

“It’s that boy’s belief in you that has supplied your existence in these past fifteen years. I’m sure you know that.” Erwin stated coldly. “But when he’s gone, you’ll need to be taking souls again. You must do your job just as accurately as before this affair.”

He leaned down so he could look straight into Levi’s eyes, his gaze burning into Levi and he felt like his heart was pounding through his chest.

“Don’t you dare insinuate you have changed your purpose. That will spell disaster for your manifestation, and I wouldn’t want to have to _dismiss_ you.”

Dismissed. Shit, Erwin was talking about ending his time as a God, rejecting his services. Sending him to that purgatory where he wouldn’t even be able to _pretend_ he had feelings.

Maybe Levi’s body really was slipping away. And Erwin was right, Levi knew that. He had been living like a Life god these past years. He pays for his existence by taking souls, which he hasn’t really been doing. The only reason this worked was because Eren believed in him and trusted him and it made up for the loss of human fear that once powered his being. If Eren hadn’t believed in him, and Levi wasn’t taking enough human souls, Levi’s existence wouldn’t thrive and his body would disappear to nothing and his soul would be left without a host.

And now what was Erwin saying? That Levi had changed his purpose? He hadn’t gone that far, had he? That was impossible; that brat could really be digging his way into Levi like that. Eren couldn’t possibly be changing who Levi was internally. Levi knew he had to take souls. It was his job, it was his release...

No. He remembered back during the terrorist attack, the hesitance he’d encountered when trying to harvest that little girl. Oh fuck, he’d _hesitated._ He wasn’t supposed to do that. He could not afford to be doing that.

And Erwin probably knew. No, Erwin definitely knew.

“It won’t come to that.” Levi affirmed, relieved his voice didn’t come out shaking. “But I want to avoid making Eren suffer more. He wouldn’t take that girl’s death lightly.”

“That’s understood.” Erwin sighed, finally stepping away from Levi and walking down the path. “Then I leave it to you to find a way to keep them apart.”

He looked back to Levi. “If you can’t manage that, you know what you’ll have to do.”

“Can I ask why?” Levi probed. “Who is she and why does she know my name? And why does she have to stay away from both of us?”

Erwin twirled his cigarette in his fingers. “The two of you are a matched set anymore. Anything that involves one will likely involve the other. And, well,” the man sighed, pushing a hand into his coat pocket.

“Let’s just say there are events happening Fate had not intended. There are things I’d rather keep to myself. Classified information. I’m sure you can respect that, Levi, given the secrets you possess. Or have you told Eren what you are?”

Levi scowled at him. “Fine. Have it your way. I’ll do it. But tell me how the hell I’m going to keep him away from her without... compromising one of them.”

Erwin shrugged. “He’s curious, right? You could always tell him everything. The truth.”

“That’ll hurt him.” Levi objected heatedly.

“Very well.” Erwin took another drag. “Then talk to him more often. Maybe find a way to retain the memories longer. Tell him things he’d like to hear. Find what will satisfy that hunger of curiosity of his.”

Levi turned away. “I’m not sure how easily that will work. My company won’t change the fact he’s not getting answers.”

Erwin’s gaze softened. “You don’t give enough credit for how he looks up to you. He really does care for you. And I’m sure his feelings are being returned.”

“He cares about my being there for him.” Levi denied quickly, ignoring the other assumption. “I ensure his life, of course he cares about that. He’s only confused. There’s nothing else.”

“Oh really?” Erwin smiled. “Then I must’ve been mistaken.”

“Right.” Levi snapped. “Now is this conversation over?”

Erwin flicked away the bud of his cigarette. “I’d say so. Let’s get you back to your sentence.”

 * * *

Night had long since fallen when the two gods made their way back to Eren and Armin’s dorm. They’d left the window open, but the two were now sleeping, leaving the room quite chilly. Levi hadn’t realized how long they’d been gone. He was glad Erwin had made sure for Eren to be safe during their talk.

There wasn’t any moonlight forcing its way through their window, leaving the room absolutely dark. But Levi could easily see Armin sleeping on his bed quite soundly, while Eren tossed and turned restlessly in his sleep. Had Armin really stopped him from contacting Mikasa and got him to rest? If that was the case, then Levi had to hand it to the blondie; that took some patience and skill to change Eren’s mind.

Erwin stepped forward to get a closer look at Eren, and Levi could help feeling his skin bristle.

“He really has grown up, hasn’t he?” Erwin sighed, pushing some of Eren’s hair out of his eyes. Levi wanted to puke; that guy was infinitely more dangerous than Levi. He didn’t want Erwin touching him.

“It’s been thirteen years, of course he has.” Levi grumbled.

“Yes, that’s a good chunk of time for them, isn’t it?” Erwin said, standing up straight. “So you really don’t care for him?”

Levi’s muscles tensed as he replied carefully, “I don’t have real emotions anyway.”

Erwin cocked his head. “But you remember how love feels, don’t you? Even without our memories, we know what those emotions felt like. We still want to feel those veins of passion.”

“You do too, huh?” Levi wanted to laugh. He crossed his arms and leaned against the foot of Eren's bed. “I can’t honestly imagine you loving someone.”

“I’m hurt Levi.” Erwin chuckled, and looked back at Eren thoughtfully.

“He is a fine looking young man though, isn’t he?” Erwin pointed out softly with an amused smirk. “He must be quite tempting, being around him all the time. You don’t plan on using this one for any _passion,_ do you?”

“I—” Levi wanted to say no, but his voice completely faltered at the notion. He felt sick to his stomach. How dare he say he'd use Eren for...

“Well, if you do, tread carefully.” Erwin said, moving passed him with a pat on Levi’s shoulder. “If you don’t want to hurt him, that is.”

Erwin stepped outside, but before he could disappear, Levi called without turning to him, “Hey Erwin.”

He stopped. “Yes?”

“Why are you doing this to him?” Levi asked straightforwardly, looking back to see his reaction. But Erwin only tilted his head innocently.

“What do you mean? I’ve already told you, he’s—”

“Cut the crap, Erwin.” Levi snapped, turning on his heel to the god. “You’re the one pulling the strings here. Fate isn’t trying to kill Eren, _you_ are. You’re doing it and making me save him every time.”

And he was sure of this now. He didn’t know why he’d blindly followed these orders for so long without realizing it. That was why nothing happened to Eren internally. He didn’t get cancer, or some harsh disease that Levi wouldn’t be able to stop. No, outside forces were trying to kill Eren, things that Levi could stop. And Levi would bet anything that there were underlings of Erwin’s, disaster gods that have been prowling in the shadows this whole time, ordered by Erwin himself to put Eren’s life on the line. What was Erwin doing? All this effort couldn't only be for Levi's 'punishment'.

“Eren didn’t cheat death.” Levi stated, his voice coming out stronger as he caught the look of astonishment on Erwin’s face. “His fate was secured. If all of us left Eren alone he would have a normal life and be fine. So why are you ruining that? There are other ways you could’ve punished me for saving him. Why are you doing this to him?”

Erwin was quiet for a moment, and Levi could’ve sworn he saw admiration glint in those eyes through the darkness.

“So you figured it out, did you?” Erwin said. “I was waiting for you to question me about that.”

“So tell me.” Levi let his arms fall to his sides. “I’ll keep up this shitty charade for you, but tell me why.”

He didn’t answer at first. Erwin watched the sky, empty of stars in the city, as if searching there for what to say. But Erwin there would never be something for the stars to tell him. Since it seems Erwin is usually the one telling the stars what to do. And they usually listened.

Erwin really was frightening, even for Levi. Levi had never felt like he could do things for himself, but Erwin always does. Maybe he’d grown so used to his job as the God of catastrophe that he’d completely lost anything he had been before. Any remnants of his human life was now gone. Did Levi want that to happen to him? To know nothing except his need to take souls?

To become a deity, a _monster,_ and nothing more?

Levi doubted Erwin had any need to feel human again. Because he was a god and that was it. Maybe Levi wasn’t as sympathetic as his colleague Petra, but he still had preferences at times, like a mortal. He still preferred cold weather to warm. He still liked tea.

He still felt something stir inside him, even if it was pretend, when he saw that green eyed brat smile. He still felt comforted when he talked with Petra. He still felt irritated when he spoke with Auruo. He still felt anxious when Erwin came to him with a serious problem.

And he’d felt what could only be identified as happy when Eren kissed him.

“This is not only a punishment, Levi.” Erwin finally answered. “It’s a test.”

Erwin beheld the lesser god one last time, only to see a face of complete confusion.

And then the God of calamity was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeeeeeeeeeeeee  
> ookay so thought I'd mention chapter updates are probably going to slow down. Probably going to be monthly updates instead of kinda sorta weekly anymore, cause im starting school tomorrow and we all know that sucks the time and life out of everything. So sorry but thank you all for reading! (a bit of info was actually revealed in this one, so if you have questions, just ask!)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> christmas time is here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gUESS WHO'S BACK
> 
> BACK AGAIN

Eren leaned back in his chair, letting his eyes scan the library broodingly. “I wish you were staying.”

Mikasa shrugged. “I know, but this is the best time to visit my family. I’ve missed them.”

About a week ago the long awaited holiday break had begun. It was a sweet release after the horror and torture of finals (Eren really didn’t need his GPA to crumble any lower). But Eren wasn’t really happy with the fact that Mikasa was going to her own country during this time. Of course, its not like family isn’t important; she should see them. Eren just didn’t really have anyone else to spend the Holidays with, besides Armin. 

“But don’t you want to experience Christmas?” Eren whined. “Or New Year’s? You should really see how drunk some people get. Armin’s the worst.”

Mikasa giggled softly. “Of course he is.”

Eren scrutinized her face for a moment. "You've got it so bad."

"What?" She blinked a few times. "What is bad?"

"You're _into him_." He sung teasingly.

Eren had been noticing it for a while now. Armin always snuck glances at her as she left. She would be stealing glances right back as he read something out to her. Hell, she’d even pretend she didn’t understand what something meant so Armin would explain it to her. It was plain as day they liked each other. He almost wished Mikasa was staying for the holidays so he could force some mistletoe down their throats so they'd get together already. It was really too bad the guy couldn't see her off with Eren; He'd been scheduled to work all day.

Her smile vanished into shock. “W-what? What is that supposed to mean?”

“I think you know what that means.” 

“No—No I don’t understand your English phrases.”

“You’re actually the worst liar.” Eren rolled his eyes.

Mikasa tried to hide her face in her scarf. “Armin’s a good friend—that’s all, really.”

“Uh-huh.” Eren leaned down on the table. “Anyway...when’s your flight?”

Mikasa looked relieved at the switch of pace, relaxing in her chair. “In about an hour. We’d better leave soon.”

“Right.” Sighed Eren, and then he noticed a familiar boy looking in their direction, making him groan. “Hey, I think that one guy is staring at you.”

Mikasa turned around, and Eren watched the dishwater blond standing by a bookshelf lock eyes with her, flinch and look back at his books awkwardly. 

Eren could easily spend years trying to understand why that guy had the weird undercut he had. He was in one of Eren’s classes and sat by him, although Eren couldn’t be sure why; all he did was disagree with him and then boom. Suddenly this guy acted like he had something to prove and showed Eren up every chance he got. His name was ‘John’ or something, but it was spelled weird. Pretentious douche.

“Trust me, Eren, he wasn’t looking at me.” Mikasa flipped back around to say, to which Eren cocked his eyebrow.

“What do you mean by that?” He asked.

“I think he may have been looking at you.” She smiled and added, “Maybe he likes you.”

Eren yelped. “What? Why would I want him to like me?”

“Shh.” Mikasa put a finger over her lips. “I’m just saying, he shows a lot of interest in you.”

Eren scoffed, folding his arms. “How so? He’s either trying to one up me in our class or drooling over you.”

“You think that?” Mikasa glanced at the boy again. “Whenever he talks to me, he talks about you. Last time it was something about how a while back at the ice cream shop he saw you...” Her face went slack for a moment, and it left Eren siting forward. He’d barely gone to the ice cream shop since the weather turned...Then again, he still had a feeling he’d been there more recently. Weird. 

But Mikasa shook her head. “Huh. I can’t remember.”

“Wait, what?” Eren asked, leaning forward. “Saw me what?”

“I can’t remember. Ask him if you’re so interested.”

Eren glared up at the boy as if about to, but Mikasa’s sigh stopped him. “But do it later; I have to go to the airport now.”

There was something else Eren really wanted to ask Mikasa about, though. Only about a month or so ago, the weirdest turn of events since the Niagara Falls incident happened. Strange blurs of memories that won’t piece together in Eren’s head like someone’s deliberately manipulating him. 

But Mikasa knew his guardian’s name.

Or at least, she did. Even now the circumstances that brought him to this conclusion were fuzzy, for Armin it was like that too, but he knew this without a doubt. Mikasa had known it without Eren saying a word, and he wanted to know why, and how, and since when she’d known...

Except she didn’t seem to remember it happening, now. She didn’t remember calling Eren and telling him the name, let alone the name itself. It was definite now that anything to do with Captain was deleted from _everyone’s_ memories, not just Eren’s. 

But Eren didn’t try to pester her about anything. He didn’t even bring it up ever again. He didn’t want to nag her or make her uncomfortable or nervous, so he let it go. It took a lot of self-control to do that, too. 

Eren was starting to get really pissed off about that guardian of his.

“Yeah, yeah.” Eren stood from his seat, slipping on his jacket in preparation to the the outdoors. The weather was beginning to make Eren wish he chose a campus in Florida or something. Who cared about alligators? At least it was warm. “Let’s get you on the plane, Mika.”

-

“Talk to him more often.” Levi murmured to himself again. “Find a way to keep his memories.”

Levi sat outside, laying out by the stairs leading to the campus library, twirling one of his swords around in his hand absent-mindedly. He’d been able to give Eren better space more recently. If that meant Eren finally having alone time with his friends, it was all good. He liked having time to sit by himself some times, too.

 _Talk to him more often._ Ugh. Easier said than done, pal. Eren makes Levi want to be human again; he can’t have that. And talking to him only reinforces it. He’s like watching life itself in a nutshell. 

And making his memories last longer? Where was Levi even supposed to start? The only idea he’d come up with was making sure to kiss him every fucking day. Not that he was completely opposed to that. Nevertheless, Levi was pretty sure that was a bad idea.

But as Levi thought to himself, Eren and his friend emerged from the building with suitcases and bags in hand.

"Look at that!" Eren exclaimed as Levi stood up to leave with the teenagers. "It's snowing!" 

Mikasa gave a roll of her eyes, adjusting the white scarf around her neck. "Barely." 

"Snow is snow, Mikasa." Eren reminded her, while pulling his winter cap over cold ears. 

Levi barely counted what Eren was saying as snow. Little flurries were fluttering down from those gray clouds above them, but it was nothing to be excited about. It was only a slight dusting of white, to match the dry, cold, and dreary air. The sun was huddled above the clouds and not one ray sifted through the barrier.

He trudged alongside the two as Mikasa and Eren cheerfully left their campus for the metropolis areas to get Mikasa a taxi, and he couldn't help sensing how relaxed Eren was. Eren seemed so comfortable with Mikasa, which was strange given the odd stand-offish attitude of hers. Eren just had a knack with being around those type of people, he guessed. Levi himself was like that. Did that have to do with the fact he was a walking dead guy helping cause tragedy of life? Could be. 

"It's better than what will be at the home, though." Mikasa shrugged. Levi looked at the collected girl, wearing a light blue pea coat with her boots and winter sweater. Levi thought the outfit made her look much smaller than usual when she was with Eren. It may have been because of her extremely toned body being covered in layers of fabric. 

Levi couldn't say the same for Eren though. His maroon winter jacket only broadened his shoulders, and it fit perfectly around his waist and over his hips. Eren turned away from Mikasa, looking along the tall buildings and giving Levi a nice view of his face. 

When Eren wore reds, Levi noticed his eyes would look greener than normal, less of the shades of blue. They seemed more like the colors of a summer forest than that of a Caribbean sea. And not only that, but his skin seemed darker in contrast of whites and gray of the outdoors. His cheeks were tinted red from the cold air, and every time he spoke, Levi could see his warm breath. Eren was always warm and colorful, something Levi couldn't help but envy. Maybe he would be able to share some of that heat, with the brush of a shoulder, or caress of a hand (And damn, did Levi hate how poetic he got looking at this kid). 

Whatever way, he wasn't going to. Levi was going to have to be content with only catching Eren's gaze, where Eren would not be catching his cold and colorless one. Although, something seemed off about Eren at that moment. He looked upset, as if dreading something to come.

Erwin had said there wasn't really a point to stay away from Eren anymore. However, Levi couldn't help thinking of that scene he'd observed too many damn times. When Eren would forget. 

Eren didn't just accept it anymore like he did when he was little, if he called the melancholic downturned eyes from before acceptance. He'd fought forgetting Levi until the moment it slips his mind. And all the frustration and confusion Eren had to face alone was too much to bear. 

Levi really was sick of it. He didn’t want Eren to have to feel like that. Being forgotten hurt, but Levi had the feeling forgetting something could feel so much worse. 

So he'd continue this ridiculous affair; he'd only show himself when Eren needed him. He just wasn’t going to allow himself a clear definition of "needing him". 

"Back in Japan, huh?" Eren finally replied to the girl. "Does it not snow there?" 

She shrugged indifferently. "Occasionally, where I live. We don't get much of it, though." 

Eren nodded in reply. From what Levi could understand, Mikasa wouldn't be staying for winter break, and was instead visiting her family in Japan. Eren and Armin had wanted Mikasa to stay for the holiday, but Levi could sympathize; from what she saw with their “Thanksgiving” holiday, she couldn’t be that impressed by American traditions. And he was relieved of having to ensure a good distance between the two, thanks to her apparent knowledge that Levi still didn’t fucking understand at all. 

To explain that mess, there was little Levi could say. He did what he could this past month to make sure the topic of Levi's name never came to either of them, but oddly enough, it didn't happen often. But Levi knew Eren was aware of it, why wasn't he asking about it? 

Could be that Eren found he didn't care as much. Levi would be content with that. It'd mean less problem for them in the future. 

Yet, whatever other dogs Erwin had working for him were nearby, they were busy, too. Levi noticed weird things happening around them when Armin wasn't present, be it a dog dashing by and stealing Eren's research papers, or Mikasa getting a call that her dorm was on fire and she had to rush home. He could swear they've tried to kill Mikasa on certain instances, to which Levi was furious. He told Erwin explicitly Mikasa had to be alive. He didn't want Eren to go through that. 

If Erwin wanted Eren to have a normal life, he could at least let the only good things he had stay. 

Eren and Mikasa came out to the main roads and waited for a taxi. A city’s decimal amount of cars were passing at a languid rate. Streetlights seemed to glow brighter in the intersection from the dulled late afternoon sky. Levi never minded the colorlessness of winter though. He liked feeling the sting of cold, almost as if his body needed to be warm. 

It wasn't as bad since he got Eren's jacket, though. The kid was right about its insolation being an improvement. He'd even abandoned the dreary cloak after a while, making him separate from the other death gods. He didn't mind the distinction. He had a different occupation anymore, anyway. He also didn't mind the jacket still smelling like Eren, the sleeves covering most of his hands and enveloping him in it, 

After what must've felt like an hour in the still cold, Eren hailed a taxi that finally pulled up and opened the door for Mikasa. She picked up her suitcase and tossed it in the seat before giving Eren a hug good bye. 

Levi wondered for a moment what relationship they had, exactly. He knew they were friends but...did either of them want more? Did Eren want more? If he didn't, would he in the case he didn't remember ‘Captain’? 

Levi felt the sting in his chest again. He didn't even have to be _seen_ to hinder Eren's life, did he? 

"Well, see you when you get back." Eren said, his words treading carefully, as if there was more he wanted to say. 

Mikasa caught this. She was holding the door open when she asked in her distinct accent, "Eren? What is wrong?" 

Eren started glancing around them, a fairly obvious indication that he couldn't find what his eyes were searching for. It was an act Eren made to display who exactly he wanted to see, or in this case, _who_. But he would be empty handed, and he looked back at Mikasa with a troubled expression. Like he was barely keeping himself from letting something out he couldn't say. 

And Levi knew why. Because he knew. 

He knew that Mikasa had said Levi’s name. She had known it when Eren didn't. Surprisingly though, Eren didn't attack her about it. He didn't demand it. Levi didn't even need to intervene to stop him from asking about it.

Mikasa didn't show any indication she remembered seeing Eren with someone, or she was reluctant to speak to them about it now. And it must’ve been that Eren cared enough about her to respect that. 

Levi watched the girl's face for a moment from behind Eren, her shining dark eyes on her friend swirling with concern. As if she suddenly didn't want to leave, knowing something was troubling Eren. That kind of platonic caring for someone shouldn't really happen this quickly, Levi thought personally. 

There was definitely something strange about Mikasa. And he never lost that familiarity he felt towards her. Her presence still gave Levi the creeps. 

What the hell was she hiding? 

"It's nothing." Eren said with a killing smile. "I'll see you in a week or so, Mikasa." 

She smiled faintly, tucking her chin under her scarf as she sat back. "All right. Good bye, Eren." 

The door was shut, and the taxi pulled away from the curb to leave Eren alone and watching. He watched that taxi without moving a muscle until it turned and was out of sight, as if it left him sad and fearful. As if he felt something bad was to happen to his friend. 

The street seemed dead quiet, just outside of downtown on a slow day. Even so close to a busy holiday, people had chosen to stay inside, out of the chilled air and dry atmosphere. So Eren was the only person on that sidewalk. Levi wished the kid would get out of his head and just go somewhere. 

"She reminds me of you." 

Levi wasn't expecting the words from Eren. He almost thought he imagined it, but surely enough, Eren's eyes had closed, head tossed back at the sky, and his mouth moved again. "I don't know what it is." 

Levi pushed his hands into his pockets, not wanting to speak. He usually talked back to Eren; he liked the familiar feeling it gave him, like all the times in the past he spoke to him. But anymore, it made him feel restless and tired at the same time. He wanted more than one sided conversations. He wanted so much more than that. But it wasn't good for Eren for Levi to do so. 

And now he'd have to restrain himself again. 

"You know, captain?" He said the name this time differently. Like mockery, like he was too aware of the substitution it was. "I get it." 

_Get what_ , Levi wanted to ask. What did he think he knew? But the god kept his lips pressed tight together. 

"You have things you don't want me to know." Eren murmured, pulling his hat off his head to grip the material tight in his hands. "Everyone has things they don't want other people to know. I have them, Mikasa has them; it's fine." 

"What are you on about, kid?" Levi asked. If Eren understood that, then why did he still look so upset? That in itself was the problem. Eren wanted to know why him, why this life happened to him and why Levi had to protect him. If that was resolved, he didn't have any business with Levi. Or so he thought. 

"But why do you do this to me?" Eren finally said, his voice rising slightly to go nowhere in the breeze. Except Levi's ears. 

"I don't know what I did to you." He griped, his back turned from where Levi was standing. "I-I can't remember if I did something wrong, I can't remember shit. But I can deal with not knowing who you are, or why you're here and...even your name, I can deal with not knowing that." He paused as his voice cracked slightly on the words. 

Levi was dumbstruck. 

"But I can't take this anymore!" Eren shouted, the words echoing off the looming gray buildings. "I don't want this! I'm fucking tired of being played with!" 

Levi didn't know what he was supposed to do, so of course he did something stupid.

"Then what the hell do you want, Eren?" Levi demanded, letting down his shields from human contact and showing himself. Eren's body froze, but unlike most times, he didn't turn. He kept his back to his protector, maybe not willing to see him but knowing he could now. Maybe not wanting to see. Levi pushed him away too much now. Maybe it was too late to fix things.

"So you finally show up." Eren muttered, a small laugh between it. "Waiting until the last second like always, huh? Listening to me like this until you absolutely _have_ to." 

Levi felt his face slacken. "...What?" 

"You want to know what I want?" Eren spat. "Stop doing this to me. Stop _toying_ with me like this." 

"And what am I doing?" asked Levi, his voice low. "If you don't care about who I am anymore, then what..." 

"I know you're not stupid!" Eren twisted around to finally look, a hitch still in his breath at the sight of him. Levi noticed his eyes were glassy with unfallen, frustrated tears, and he felt even guiltier. Why did he let this happen? He wanted Eren to be happy, that's all he wanted and he couldn't even ensure that. Levi could protect Eren's body so much, but it would never be enough. Levi wouldn't be enough for that. 

"What do you want from me?" Levi said, almost pleading. He wanted to close the distance between them. That's how he usually made Eren feel better. He'd hold him and let his problems fade away. But never had all of Eren's anger been directed at Levi like this. He'd admit it scared him. He missed when those eyes brightened immediately at the sight of him. A smile used to light up his face when he spoke to him. 

Eren tossed out his arms. "I want you to stay, damn it!" 

Levi met his eyes, and opened his mouth to speak, but Eren didn't let him. 

"And don't say it." Eren demanded, his words biting like the frosty air. "Don't tell me. Because I know, captain. I know you're always there, I don't give a shit what you think I know. I know you're following me and saving me and being there for me while I can't do the same for you.” He paused, looking at Levi’s face for a reaction. “You can listen to me all you fucking want, but what about me? What if I wanted to talk to you? What if I wanted to be with you and listen to _you_? You think you're there for the times I need you, but you're only there for half of it." 

Levi watched his face, searching for the lie, searching for the doubt, but there was none of it. Eren was absolutely positive about what he'd said. 

Levi swallowed convulsively. "That can't be what you want." 

"Why the hell not?" Eren argued, taking a step towards him. There was finally less than a car length between them. "Why am I not allowed to want you? Am I being selfish for caring about the person that saves my god damn life all the time?" 

"I-it's not that, Eren." Levi tried hard to speak sternly, he really did. But Levi was in complete shock. Eren had _never_ looked at him like this, _never_ spoke to him like this. Eren shook it off. 

"I've never asked you to save me, you know." Eren started, crossing his arms. "You should just let me die if I'm not even important enough to fucking speak—” 

Some part of Levi must have cracked a bit. 

He strode forward, grabbed Eren's neck and pressed his lips to his, desperate not to hear that sentence, and desperate to clarify what he’d misunderstood. He didn't want any of that to be what Eren thought of the truth. Levi could deny it and ignore it all he wanted, but it didn’t change the fact. He cared about Eren. He cared about Eren so much.

Eren quivered beneath Levi’s lips, eyes wide, but Levi stayed pressed against him until Eren started kissing back, his body relaxing and wrapping his arms around him. It occurred to Levi that Eren had no memories of him interacting with Eren before, much less kissing him. But while it was tentative and unsure, desire from Eren was too obvious. 

And then just as Eren’s shaking was beginning to die down, suddenly his fingers dug into Levi’s back painfully, even through the coat. He made a wincing sound of pain, gasping into Levi’s mouth miserably. Levi tried to pull away, to give Eren room to breathe, but the kid didn’t let him. He only clutched Levi tighter, like he was a staple in a world spinning too fast. He kissed desperately and ruthlessly through his pain and what Levi was positive was the rebuilding of Eren’s memories. Kissing was what brought it back, after all.

And Levi was frozen. Eren’s shock, sadness, even anger seemed to fade into lust. The longer he went regaining memories the more he seemed to want this. He even had the audacity to take it further. He shoved Levi against a streetlight and pushed Levi’s jaw so he could deepen the kiss, prodding his lips apart, commanding and desperate. Somehow speaking the words Eren had repeated endlessly the past. But this is the first time he’d heard them.

 _Come back again. Please don’t leave again. Then don’t leave!_ It hit Levi for the first time that it wasn’t the reassurance that the guardian was actually there that Eren had wanted. Eren didn’t care about that. Even as a little kid, he’d just wanted time. He wanted Levi there where he could see him. Where Levi could talk and Eren could listen, not just the other way around. 

He didn’t want Levi there to save him. He wanted _Levi_.

It wasn’t only that of Eren suddenly captivating Levi, had him holding on just as tightly. It was like those quiet breaths Eren parted his lips for were breathing his vitality right into the death god. Every push of his hips was sending sparks of life into his veins. The touches in his warm fingers was granting Levi the means to be human. He wasn’t a god. He was a human kissing another. And it didn’t feel unpleasant.

And then it was over. Eren’s painful grip loosened, and he slowly pulled away from the kiss, only to hold the sides of Levi’s neck, holding him close and still.

He opened his gorgeous eyes halfway so he could look into Levi’s, searching them for a reflection of Eren’s elation. He pulled up his hand on Levi’s face to caress his cheekbone, the skin smooth like a child’s. He didn’t leave much space between them; Levi could still feel Eren’s breath on his lips.

“Levi.” Eren spoke it like a prayer. “Levi, you’re Levi, that’s your name, Levi.”

“Breathe, kid.” Levi replied simply, not knowing what else to do with the boy so close to him, and holding him again and saying his name again. There was something that just felt comforting whenever Eren said his name. It proved that he wasn’t completely forgotten by humanity.

Levi had seen a quote, once, he couldn’t quite recall when he read it somewhere in his travels as a god. It went along the lines of saying a person dies twice: one time when they stop breathing, and a second time when someone says their name for the last time. Maybe it was like Eren brought him back to life whenever he said it.

“Levi, stop leaving.” Eren begged him quietly, interrupting his thoughts. “I need you to stop leaving me. I need to be able to hear you, you’re voice, so I don’t forget it. Please.”

Levi didn’t know what to say to him. He’d have to leave his sight eventually, wouldn’t he? He couldn’t just stay in Eren’s sight forever, there were times Levi shouldn’t be in sight...

Damn, he was really trying to consider it. Staying with Eren every minute of every day. He wanted to do it. If that was what Eren wanted, he wanted to do it. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t let other people see him too often, he didn’t want to mess up anyone else’s lives.

Erwin had said something about trying to retain the memory longer. What could he do...

“Eren.” Levi began, not expecting how fragile he sounded. “Say my name again.”

Eren’s big eyes got bigger, and he held Levi’s smaller body close, his arms curling around his shoulders.

“God, yes, Levi.” He said. “Levi. Levi, shit, I don’t want to let go of you, Levi.”

“I might need to breathe eventually.” Levi pointed out, and he heard Eren laugh on his neck.

“You don’t need to breathe, liar. You told me that.”

“Didn’t realize you remembered.” Levi shrugged and let his arms circle around the kid’s waist.

“I remember all of it, moron.” Eren answered, leaving kisses all over his face lovingly. Why did Eren want to kiss him so much? It was overwhelming.  
Levi wasn’t sure how long they stood there, but the snow was picking up and started to collect on their heads and shoulders when he said, “Do you think we should move, brat?”

“Probably.” Eren shrugged, finally pulling himself off Levi. “We can always go get something to eat...” Then he cast a look back on Levi. “Or are you just going to leave?”

Levi winced. 

“I’d...rather not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooooo ok sorry about the wait! senior year starting really threw me a curve ball, i've been so friggin busy and stressed out. I actually cut this chapter in half so i'd finish it faster cause for one i kept rewriting and rewriting this over and over and it was taking 5ever, and also for the holidays, i really really wanted to manage at least SOMETHING for you guys, to let you know hey! i am NOT DEAD OR GIVING UP THIS STORY WILL COMPLETE I REFUSE TO STOP DON'T EVER BELIEVE IM LEAVING YOU
> 
> also hey! he was barely there but jean has been introduced! he may or may not be showing up again B)
> 
> as always, thank you for reading holy shit this is at 400 kudos im cry thanks so much everyone!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An awkward breakfast and Netflix isn't a bad way to start a more normal relationship, he guessed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello dear friends what up! Thank you for all the comments on the previous chapter, I'm sorry I haven't gotten around to answering them im a horrible human being but i am grateful for all of you really i die everytime you guys say anything you're all amazing
> 
> Also watch out for very slight Game of Thrones spoilers??? not that relevant but just so you guys know.

Eren ended up taking Levi to a breakfast joint called "Denny's" for dinner. Not the best place in the neighborhood or anything, but it was better than nothing.

A lot of times when he came in late, weird college kids would start dropping in, all tired, confused and possibly drunk because no where else was open to eat. The place was nice overall, though. Covering the walls were tan and brown stripes and over every table was a soft yellow light. It was a really comfortable place to eat at, whether you were old, drunk, or trying to do something normal with your very not-so-normal guardian guy that you have not been able to establish any particular relationship with. Since it wasn't that late yet, the restaurant was quiet with very few fellow customers. It was no wait when they first walked in and requested a table for two. However the waitress stared at Levi with her eyebrows raised and dark lips pursed.

“Um...are those... swords?” She nodded down at the weaponry sheathed on Levi’s waist. Eren shot him a glare, and Levi stubbornly avoided the eye contact.

“No, no, it’s...dress up.” Eren decided tapping his fingers on the counter nervously. “We were at a costume party today, and...”

The waitress just nodded inattentively, deciding they were too weird to deal with. Her ass would be so fired if Levi decided to use them to kill everyone in the restaurant or something.

As the lady led them to a table, Eren pulled Levi aside and muttered, “I thought you could hide those!”

“I forgot, damn it.” Levi groaned. 

“ _Really?_ ” Eren sighed in annoyance. “I thought you’d be more responsible than that.”

“Don’t lecture me.” He grumbled.

They sat down and ordered drinks—for Eren a Mountain Dew, unsweetened tea for Levi. 

Levi, Eren’s non-aging guardian broke the ice with “So how’s school going?”, catching Eren off guard.

“Well, uh, you see it anyway, don’t you?”

Levi shrugged. “I don’t really know what’s going on though.”

Eren hummed a dull response, taking a sip of his soda.

“Who’s that blond kid who always stares at you?”

Eren almost choked on the drink, his nose crinkling with disgust. “He—does not! Why is everyone saying that...”

“You knew who I was talking about though.” Levi pointed out. When Eren just pouted, he continued with an amused expression. “You’re really stupid about people’s feelings, aren’t you?” 

Eren expected something on Levi’s face—maybe jealously, but it wasn’t there unless he was hiding it. He just seemed curious of who the guy was. And that disappointed him a bit.

Eren sighed. “He’s just some bastard in my class, and we hate each other. I think he’s got a thing for Mikasa personally.”

“What tells you that?” Levi asked.

“Well he’s always saying anything to piss me off, he’s always glaring in our direction when we’re talking—hell, he glares at me when I’m _not_ talking to her and...”

Huh. Now that he thought about it, he stared at Eren a _lot_.

Eren shook his head. “Well, it’s nothing to worry about, he doesn’t...like me or anything.”

Levi smirked. “Why would I worry over that?”

“Uh—” Eren stirred his drink awkwardly. “Well, you...I mean, don’t you kinda..?”

Eren’s face felt hot. “Shut up.”

Levi chuckled a bit, and Eren’s heart pounded.

“Je t'aime bien, but I’m not going to stop you from being with someone.”

As important as those words had been to Eren’s ears, he hooked on to the beginning, which was said so fluently it threw him off. “What?”

“If you like someone you should be with them.” Levi repeated, apparently ignoring the first part.

“But I like you.” Eren admitted, and he reached across the table to hold Levi’s hand. It was cold, as usual.

Now Levi’s cheeks were red. He glanced down at Eren’s hand. “Oh.”

Eren moved his hand away, knocking down the ketchup bottle. “Anyway, so, uh, random question: Why the hell do you slip into foreign languages?”

Levi furrowed his eyebrows. “What? I didn’t...did I?”

Eren nodded. “You’ve done it before I’m pretty sure.”

Levi looked just as shocked. “I don’t even have a language really, I just have to use English to communicate...you’re fucking with me, right?”

Eren was racking his brain. It’d sounded like something almost endearing when Levi said it that time, and yet that's a generous assumption. But the other times he'd done it, like after he went down the falls years ago, it was like he was answering with something important.

He looked up at the man. “Levi, say something important to me.”

Levi scrunched his nose. “Why would I do that?”

“Well, maybe if it’s important but you don’t think about it, you’ll do it again. Just...talk. Talk a lot.”

The waitress came back for their orders, so Eren asked for a plate of pancakes with hash browns and bacon, while Levi ordered crapes. It didn't help Eren feel good about his diet until he remembered Levi didn't even need to eat.

Levi sucked in a breath when the waitress left. “Fine but...I don’t know what to say.”

Eren stared at him for a moment, deciding not to beat around the bush. He poured maple syrup on his pancakes as he asked, “Do you like me?”

Levi flinched. “It’s more complicated than that.”

He waited, and Levi groaned. “Well. You were little before. You always acted like you desperately needed me. You thought I was some kind of hero. You’d follow me around if I saved you and beg me to stay and shit. You used to annoy me, to be honest. You still do.”

Eren suppressed a laugh, but he didn’t interrupt him. He was mumbling out almost every word. It was obvious he wasn’t good at talking about things like this. Well, he wasn’t great at talking anyway, Eren had noticed.

“But I don’t know...After some time, I started to...feel good about you needing me. Maybe it was when you went over that waterfall. For a second I thought I’d be too late, you know...I was surprised you weren’t hurt more.

He leaned his forehead on his hand, brushing back his slick black hair as he tried to hold eye contact. “But then you opened your eyes underwater. You stared back at me, and then you started drowning and I almost panicked—I almost forgot I could still save you. But in that moment before, I saw your face and how you looked at me with those damn eyes, tu as de très beaux yeux—”

He faltered. “Huh. That was fucking weird.”

Eren almost hadn’t heard he’d slipped out of English again. 

“Do you know what that was?” Eren asked. 

Levi shook his head and Eren thought about it as he gulped down a crispy slice of bacon.

“I don’t know, I took some German in high school, but...I guess it sounded French.”

Levi froze. “French?”

“Yeah.” Eren nodded. “You know, France? It’s in Europe...”

Levi looked like he was seeing a ghost. “France...”

Was this important? “Levi, are you from France?”

“I...” Levi pressed a slightly shaking hand to his forehead. “France was...Je suis...”

Eren was about to reach for his hand again, but their food arrived. Levi stared at it, like he didn’t remember where he was.

“Are you okay?” Eren asked nervously. 

Levi shook his head. “I’m...I can understand all languages, they all just sort of translate but...I only need English to speak to you. I’m speaking French. I know it’s French. I’m...I’m from France.”

Eren raised an eyebrow, sort of confused. “Really? You don’t look French.”

“Eren, you don’t get it.” Said Levi. “I’m not allowed to know that. I can _never_ know that.”

Eren stared at him. He couldn’t help but think it sounded like what Levi tells Eren—that he can’t know what Levi is. “What do you mean?”

“My origin. Who I was.” Levi said, being more open than Eren had ever seen him. “I told you I was like a daemon, right?”

Eren took a bite of his pancakes as he thought back. “Yeah, so...you used to be a normal person?”

Levi looked guilty, like he shouldn’t be sharing this, but he nodded. “Yes. But I can’t know who I was, or what I was. Nothing. If I remember all of that...I don’t know. Something horrible can happen.”

Eren couldn’t imagine living like that. Knowing yourself is what gives you a reason to wake up or do anything. “How can you live...without even knowing who you are?”

“Because it doesn’t matter, not for why I exist. And anyways...” Levi looked around. “Here, I’ll let you know something, okay?”

Eren waited.

“Those memories, who I was, those things come with identity, and feelings... I can’t have things like that. Being this...it has a price. If I’m not at peace with a world of solitude, where not one human knows me...I might become corrupted. I’ll...disappear. I can’t feel things, I can’t love—”

Levi stopped when he looked at Eren, who felt his heart in his throat. “I’m going to corrupt you.”

Levi swallowed. “No you won’t.”

“Yes, I will.” Eren leaned forward. “If that’s true...I mean, I know you, Levi. To me, you have an identity. You have a personality. I don’t know what you are, but you’re just as human as anyone to me.”

He looked down, a horrible feeling festering in the pit of his stomach. “And—that’ll make you disappear. Shit, I shouldn’t have—”

Levi leaned over the table and kissed his forehead. 

“Don’t say that.” He murmured afterwards, sitting back down.

“But Levi—”

“Shut up, Eren, I’m not going anywhere.” He snapped. “I’m at peace with this, Eren. I can deal with not being human. And I don’t need my memories. All right?”

Eren’s feeling of fear wasn’t gone but he nodded. “So I can still know you?”

Levi shrugged. “Guess so. Just don’t make me fall in love with you, brat.”

“Stop making me want to try to.” Eren muttered, and Levi looked away, almost embarrassed. 

They finished their food mostly in silence after that, Eren paid, and they stepped outside where the flurries had only gotten worse. It was completely dark outside then, the snow glittering with the light from streetlamps and signs.

“So what now?” Levi asked, pulling the collar up of his jacket. He was still wearing the one Eren had given him.

“Well, guess back to my dorm. I don’t have cash to spend to do much else.”

Levi stiffened. “Armin’s working, right?”

“Yeah, he is.” Eren said. “So we got the place to ourselves for a while. You don’t have to disappear.”

“That’s good.” Levi said. For some reason hearing Levi say that felt amazing.

\---

“Sorry, I really should’ve cleaned up a bit.” Eren mumbled, when Levi looked at the dorm like he was in a horror film.

“Shit, Eren.” Levi said, stepping over disregarded clothing and miscellaneous objects to reach the closet Armin kept the trash bags. “This why I stay outside.”

Eren laughed, turning on his television to the Game of Thrones episode he’d left on Netflix. “Really? You’d rather keep an eye on me from my window then be in a dirty room?”

“Well—it’s one of the reasons.” Levi said, pulling out a small trash bag and opening it up.

“What else is there?”

“I have to keep an eye on you, but I try to give you alone time; I’m not that creepy.” Levi pressed his lips together, seeming uncomfortable. “And I’d rather not talk about what you do when you’re alone.”

“What I do when I’m—” Eren realized what he was talking about and felt like every embarrassing moment he'd had up to now was child's play. “Oh. Whoops.”

“Don’t worry about it, just continue washing your hands when you’re done.”

Great; he didn’t even realize the otherworldly savior watching over him to keep him alive would have to see him fucking touching himself.

Eren tried to help out cleaning up the entire dorm, but Levi was pretty anal-retentive about it, so he steered clear. The dorm wasn't organized at all, he'd have to admit. One would think his studious roommate Armin would be a tidy person, but with so many books and notes in one place, he wasn’t that organized himself. Eren, he just wasn’t good with taking care of laundry and food wrappers.

When they finished, they sat down on the floor in front of the small outdated television, leaned up against the bed and Eren tried really hard to explain the plot of the show. He was pretty sure his synopsis sucked.

“Yeah, those two are twins but they have a thing going on, so since he’s kidnapped by Robb she’s pissed, and also king Joffrey is a fucking asshole. So there’s a war going on between the Lannisters and the Starks since they chopped that guy’s head off and kinda took Sansa. Oh, and that guy’s a Greyjoy, they’re fighting too. And a few other guys. Oh yeah and that white haired girl has dragons but they’ve been extinct for centuries so she’s now the ‘mother of dragons’ and she’s also the queen of those barbaric people. It’s a really cool show.”

Levi nodded absently. “So...those twins are fucking?”

“Well...yeah.”

“Gross.”

With an arm around Levi, they watched the show together, even though Levi had to ask questions every two seconds. All the names were pretty confusing. Hell, Eren had a hard enough time following the storyline himself and he’d watched every episode. 

It wasn’t long before Eren’s mind drifted away from the screen, and he thought about how surreal this was. He was finally just spending time with Levi, like he’d wanted. Here he was, watching unnecessary sex scenes and gore and learning Levi was pretty nonchalant about it. They were already so close too, Eren wondered if it’d be okay to kiss him. He wanted to awfully, but he didn’t want to drive Levi away either. He seemed rather uneasy with affection.

Eren liked the atmosphere they had right then, anyway. He didn't want to risk ruining it. They were quiet, and nothing huge was happening like most instances they saw each other. Eren wasn’t about to die, yet Levi was there, and it felt nice. The feeling of his shoulder against his own was as peaceful as night on the ocean. An awkward breakfast and Netflix isn't a bad way to start a more normal relationship, he guessed.

“That guys Tyrion or something, right?” Levi pointed at the dwarf character on screen as Eren leaned his head on his shoulder.

“That’s right.” Eren shut his eyes. He heard a small hum of acknowledgment from Levi before the man adjusted himself so Eren would be comfortable. He tentatively pushed back Eren's messy hair to kiss his forehead. It was like Levi couldn’t stop treating Eren as some fragile little thing. The gesture warmed Eren down to his toes nevertheless.

“Levi, are you—” Eren’s phone started ringing in Eren’s pocket, ruining the peaceful moment. They broke out of the comfortable position they’d settled in so Eren could retrieve it.

“Who is it?” Said Levi, glancing at the bright little screen.

“Armin.” Eren replied, puting the phone up to his ear. “Hey man.”

“Eren!” Armin gasped with relief. “Thank God you answered—you’ve gotta come to the hospital!” 

Eren sat up immediately. Armin never sounded that distressed.

“Armin, what the hell happened? Are you okay?” Eren demanded. Levi had froze beside him after hearing Eren’s tone.

“No, I’m fine, it’s Mikasa—her taxi got hit and, damn it, I don’t know what happened—they didn’t tell me, but s-she was really hurt, they called me, I don’t know, but you gotta come over here—”

Eren stood up. “I’m leaving now, which one is it?”

“The one right off campus—the one you went to when you got attacked by that dog—”

“Got it. I’m on my way.”

Eren hung up but he barely felt his fingers. His arms were shaking. Mikasa was supposed to see her family, she was supposed to visit home, how the hell did she get hurt? 

Eren had just seen her. The smallest difference in what he did could’ve stopped this. Taken a different cab, maybe stayed with her—anything, there were so many things he could’ve done to change it. But it was too late, and now she was hurt. Mikasa, the perfect amazing person who deserved everything good in the world, was hurt.

What if it was really bad? What if she was going to die, what if—

Levi’s hands on Eren’s shoulders brought him back to reality. “Eren, what happened?”

He’d almost forgotten he wasn’t alone. For once, he wasn’t alone.

“Levi it’s—Mikasa. She got in a car accident, I don’t know how she is, we gotta go right now...” He trailed off, watching Levi’s eyes widen with horror. Like his biggest fear had just come true. “Levi what’s wrong?”

“We have to get you to her.” Levi murmured, like it was mostly to himself. “Come on, put on your coat.”

He did so, realizing he’d be seeing Armin. And if that happened then...

He stopped as Levi opened the door, feeling his body go numb. “Levi, shit, don’t disappear. Not now.”

Levi halted in the doorway and turned back with a tormented sigh. “I’m not going to disappear this moment, but..." He locked his sad dark eyes with Eren's. "I’m going to once we’re in the hospital. I have to around people close to you.”

He held Eren’s face in his hands before kissing him again. “But I promise I’m still going to be _right_ beside you. And you have Armin with you—it’s going to be okay.”

Eren swallowed. His throat was dry as sand. “Got it.”

They nodded to each other, and then Eren strode out of the room with Levi holding his hand. 

Mikasa had better fucking be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey got a couple new answers this chapter right???? this storyline's gonna start getting wild 
> 
> also yup the french is back and i will also restate the disclaimer that no i do not speak french (there's probs a shit ton of mistakes in this chapter but ill work that out later ok ok ok)
> 
> rough translations of the French:  
> Je t'aime bien: I like you  
> tu as de très beaux yeux: You have beautiful eyes
> 
>  
> 
> if you guys have any questions i'll make sure I answer!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Eren rush to see if Mikasa will be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I worst author or what i haven't updated since February lolollolol

Levi was pissed.

He'd already known when Eren told him Mikasa was in trouble. He knew this was no average accident. Erwin had to have orchestrated this. Levi remembered quite well that Erwin told him Mikasa should be killed. 

If Mikasa was dead—and damn it, she wouldn’t be—he was going to end Erwin. He told him Mikasa had to be safe. She was a wonderful thing for Eren so no matter who she was she had to be there. She was untouchable.

Levi partly wondered if he was worried for Mikasa himself anyway. He wasn’t sure why, but he personally didn’t want her hurt. Not just for Eren. She wasn’t someone tragedy should happen to. He didn’t want that girl to get hurt. He wished he had the ability to protect her and Eren both.

As Eren and he stepped up to the hospital, Eren squeezed his hand.

“You’re disappearing now, right?” Eren asked, his voice showing a slight tremor. The cab ride over had been too long for him. Eren’s brown hair was a bigger mess than usual, his eyes were glassy, and he’d broken into a nervous sweat. God, Levi hated this.

“Yeah.” He agreed reluctantly. “But I’ll be right beside you, got that?”

Eren looked into the building, hesitating at the doorway.

“Levi, I don’t know what you’re capable of,” He began, without turning his face to Levi’s. “But can you bring people back from the dead?”

Levi never hated who he was more than that moment.

“No.”

“Thought so.” Eren said grimly, and he opened the door. Levi chose that moment to shield himself, and when Eren looked back to see if Levi was following, he wouldn’t be able to tell. 

Eren’s eyes wandered for a moment, and then he took a deep breath, continuing up to the counter to find Armin and Mikasa. Levi stayed close to him, out of sight. 

Levi hated the hospital. It reminded him of too many lives he’d taken. And surely enough, more were being taken by other death gods as they sat in the waiting room. He could sense the souls all around him, confused and sad, being led to their empty afterlife. He hated the white walls and white floors, the way everything was so bright in a building of death and worry. 

It didn’t take too long for Eren to be led to the emergency room to wait outside it. She was a foreign exchange student after all; she didn’t have any family available to see her. 

They walked down a hall, passing some doctors with a patient on a gurney. Levi shut his eyes, hoping he wouldn’t hear it, but _“Please, I don’t know what’s happening, where’s my daughter, I have to see her--”_ still rang clear in Levi’s head. That man was close to death, Levi could hear his final pleads ringing in his ears. He wanted more than anything to get out of there, he didn’t want to be surrounded by all of the things that made Levi who he was, but he promised he’d be with Eren. He wasn’t going to break a promise.

When they turned the corner, they saw a room with windows showing inside of it, and right outside the window, staring in with wide, terrified blue eyes, was the little blondie.

“Armin.” Eren said, rushing to him and giving him a hug. “How is she? What happened?”

“You’re here.” Armin sighed like he’d held his breath since the phone call. “She’s in a stable condition. She’d resting now from the trauma, and she broke her arm and some ribs and had a concussion, but she...she should be okay. That’s what they told me.”

Eren’s body visibly deflated his anxiety. Levi felt he was going to collapse he was so relieved, too. Levi looked into the room, where they could see the girl. Mikasa was wired up on a hospital bed, with a steady heart monitor keeping her in check. She looked paler than usual and there was still a bit of blood mopped in her hair, but overall, it looked like she’d be all right. Wounded, but very alive. Levi felt like someone had just taken the weight of the world off his back.

“Fuck.” Eren breathed, leaning his head against the window. “Thank God, oh my God…”

Armin and Eren sort of leaned against each other, supporting each other in their concern for their friend. It was a while before a nurse told them to sit down, that they’ll tire themselves out, and they’ll be able to see her soon. 

So they sat, still anxious. Levi watched the two from across the room, thinking back on how long they’d been together. Levi remembered when Armin and Eren played together as young children, dreaming of a future where they could track down fantasies. Now they were here, playing adult, dealing with stress and heartbreak and fear, the hopes of their childhood slowly fading. He didn’t like that.  
Soon enough, the same nurse from earlier came out of the room and nodded. “You can see her now.”

The two boys jumped up and rushed to the room, Levi joined them. Eren and Armin went straight to the bed, pulling up small chairs so they could sit beside her. Armin held the girl’s hand. Immediately from the touch, Mikasa roused a bit and her eyes fluttered open, the smallest smile falling on her face. 

She said something to her friends, and Levi realized she’d said something in Japanese. Eren shook his head with the biggest grin of relief on his face, and Armin leaned his head on Mikasa’s hand. It was really something seeing the three of them together again; it was peaceful.

Levi scanned the room, finding very little to look at besides surgical machines and walls, except for the fact that the four of them weren’t alone. 

Although, Levi would be the only one to see the death god sitting in a recliner at the end of the patient’s room.

“Petra?” He called in disbelief, and the goddess’ head jerked up in scared shock when her name was said.

“Oh, it’s...it’s you.” Petra said timidly, recovering from the moment of fear. She’d been nervously tearing at a piece of paper. Her strawberry blonde hair was a matted mess, her eyes were tired, and her lips were red from being chewed on. Something was wrong.

And Levi was starting to figure out what it was. There was only one reason he could figure she was there. But he didn’t really believe it yet. “Petra, what the hell are you doing here?”

Her lip trembled, as her gaze flicked between Levi, Eren, and Mikasa.

“I-I didn’t want to, Levi. I couldn’t. I _couldn’t_.” She covered herself in her red cloak. “Why couldn’t I do it? Levi—this happened to you before, why?”

Levi wanted to comfort her. Seeing her feeling this way put a painful weight on Levi’s chest like he couldn’t believe. But part of him was so angry he couldn’t.

“Erwin had you kill Mikasa.”

She nodded miserably. 

What the fuck did that blond piece of shit want? Why did Erwin choose this moment? Why couldn’t any action he made make any fucking sense?

Levi clenched his fists, trying to assure himself that Petra didn’t deserve any of the anger he was feeling. She was only doing her duty as a death god. _And why did he feel so angry_? “Tell me what happened. Everything.”

Petra looked up at him with anguish, then at Eren. “I had no idea...Eren’s involved with this, I had no idea...”

“Petra.”

“Right, right.” She took in a shaking breath, standing up. “Erwin approached me today, told me I was good, and he had a job for me that included taking someone who wasn’t dying. I was horrified, but...he said I have time, I could use her environment to...do it.”

She looked down at her hands like they were her worst enemy. “I caused a car accident. Pushed for a car to go at an intersection. Damaged so many people, hurt so many...and in the end, I couldn’t take her. She hadn’t gotten hurt enough to be dying, and I couldn’t finish her. My arms wouldn’t move.”

Levi watched her hug her shoulders and gaze at Mikasa. “She’s so strong. But in that moment, she was suppressing so much pain, pain _I_ put her in...She didn’t deserve this. She was a young girl who’d never done a thing wrong, she didn’t deserve it.”

“Did she see you?” Levi asked quietly, remembering what had happened when he failed to kill Eren.

“I think...I think she did, but she’s not a child, like Eren had been when he saw you.” Petra explained, practically reading his mind. “I’d been standing over her and her eyes locked with mine. I know she saw but...she thought I was a hallucination. She’s going to forget it.”

She shrugged. “So anyway I...I didn’t know what to do. I came here to make sure she’d be okay. I couldn’t pull her back to health like a life god anyway.”

Levi nodded. “She’ll be all right, but that doesn’t change what Erwin instructed you to do—”

“I know that!” Petra snapped, slamming her fist on a small end table. A few magazines fell on the floor from Petra’s hit, but the humans in the room didn’t seem to notice. “I know. But I need time, I can’t...I can’t murder someone! I’m not like you, Levi.”

Somehow Levi’s heart went cold at that statement. Petra noticed, too.

“Wait,” She said, pulling Levi’s shoulder back to her when he turned away. “Levi, I...I didn’t mean that.” 

He shrugged off her hand and sat down, staring at the floor. “I don’t want to be a murderer either, Petra. Trust me.”

“I know, I know…” She sat down beside him, nodding at Eren. He was talking to Mikasa, but Levi couldn’t tell how conscious she was to listen to him. She looked rather worn out. “Eren’s proof of that. You’ve spent so much time caring for him to give him a happy life.”

“I’m not doing that great.” Levi mumbled, and Petra smacked him.

“Don’t say that. It’s my fault this happened, not yours.” She sighed. “Erwin hadn’t even told me her death would have to do with the Jaeger case.”

“Is that what you guys are calling it now?” 

“Not really. Auruo came up with it.” Petra smiled. “How is this going anyways? I haven’t seen you in a while.”

Levi wasn’t completely sure. There’d been some crazy shit stirring up in all of it. And Erwin certainly wasn’t going to tell him anything about it. 

“He’s doing well.” Levi finally answered. “Before this, he was best I’d seen him in a while. He talked to me pretty normally and--.”

Petra stared at him. “You talk to him now?”

“Well-it’s...Erwin said there’s no reason not to. He said in fact I should try to sustain his memory.” Levi said. “I mean, I don’t talk with him while other people are around...”

“Because you don’t want his friends involved too, right?”

“Right.” Levi nodded, looking at Armin. “Seeing him more, I think it might help, but he still starts forgetting me when I’m gone...I don’t know, I don’t know what to do.”

Petra leaned back. “Memory’s an odd thing isn’t it?”

Levi tilted his head as he waited for her to explain.

“Well, it’s like lying to someone, not letting them know what their life was. Eren knows so little of his life with you, and you and me, we can’t even know where we came from.”

France. 

France was where Levi came from. He was working so hard not to lose his shit about that. Even as he thought of the word right then, Levi felt something trying to rush back to him, something familiar. He almost sees buildings, almost sees figures of people. He could almost smell it, the scent of something he must have once called his home. There were things that were loud—screams? Guns?—And voices flooded his ears, some causing sadness, others causing warmth, but none could be made out. Yet, If he _really_ thought about it, if he really concentrated—

Fuck, he can’t. Think of anything else, Levi. Think about today, think about the sky, think about Eren. You don’t need your past. It’ll just fuck you up, don’t think about it.

“It’s nothing.” Levi said when Petra gave him a concerned look. “And even if it was something, we can’t have it. You know that.”

“But why?” Petra pleaded. “What can be so bad about us knowing who we were? Knowing what _drove_ us? Something’s wrong with this, Levi. It doesn’t make _sense_.”

He was quiet for a long time. He understood what she meant. Yeah, Erwin was the shadiest man he’d ever met. Erwin controlled everything, controlled all of his gods. He wasn’t stupid, he wanted to know why they weren’t allowed to know. For all his life he’d blindly followed the fact that “it doesn’t matter” and “it’s just the way things are”. But couldn’t memories help them? Children are only fools because they lack the experience to make wise decisions. Humans learn from their memories and their mistakes, it’s the only way they improve. Shouldn’t that be the same path for gods?

“It is wrong.” Levi finally confessed. He looked up at Eren, and for a moment he thought he locked eyes with him. But Eren had only noticed the magazines that fell on the floor. Would he pick up on something? Would he be assured that Levi was still there? He had no idea what was going through that kid’s head.

Petra had watched Levi’s face as he looked at Eren, and she looked as if he’d revealed something to her. “Levi, are you okay? Did Eren just see you?”  
He shook his head, wondering how his face had looked if Petra was asking that. “No, no. He just...He noticed the magazines fell.”

“Hm.” Petra said. “You know, maybe if you gave him something physical that he couldn’t loose, he wouldn’t be able to forget you.”

Before Levi could put too much thought into that idea, Petra stood up, and she walked slowly over to the kids. Levi followed her. They stood at Mikasa’s bedside, opposite of Armin and Eren. Up close, Levi could see more scratches and bruises on her face and body, and her hand that wasn’t being squeezed by Armin was being set in a sling. 

“So you don’t remember anything?” Armin was saying. Mikasa shook her head.

“I remember some things.” Mikasa said, her voice careful and small. “I remember the car going into the intersection, and then looking to my right to see a car coming straight towards me.”

She tightened her grip on Armin’s hand, very slightly. “Then there was just a crash a-and I can’t remember what happened, or what I did. All I remember is after everything stopped moving, I was laying down somewhere a-and...”

Mikasa’s eyes seemed almost glazed over as she thought. “This is a little strange but...I saw someone.”

Eren tilted his head. “What do you mean?”

Levi and Petra exchanged glances.

“I saw a woman.” Mikasa said. Petra stiffened. The girl continued to explain, “She...I don’t think she was a doctor or anything, she disappeared almost immediately...or I passed out immediately, I’m not sure.”

Armin was watching his friend’s face with wide eyes. “What did she do?”

Mikasa turned her neck a bit, towards the window. “Nothing. She just stared at me, she looked scared, or...sad.” She took in a breath. “But...I remember...I swear she was glowing, and she was warm, beautiful...red hair and a red dress of some sort. I don’t remember her saying anything, but the next thing I knew, I was in an ambulance. I think...”

The girl bit her lip. “I think she was an angel.”

Levi looked up at Petra, whose eyes had gone glassy and she was covering her mouth with her hand. Levi knew how she felt. She didn’t have to say it.

Petra felt like she’d just deceived her. Made Mikasa believe she was something pure and beautiful. A savior, when in fact she was supposed to kill her. 

Levi’s mind went back to a room full of fire and a little boy staring up at Levi, with the same expression Mikasa wore right then.

Eren was looking at his friend, without any disbelief in his gaze. “Like a guardian? Do you think she saved you?”

Mikasa lightly shook her head. “No it...It was probably just a dream.”

Levi breathed a sigh of relief. It was good she wasn’t putting any stock into what she saw. Good for everyone. Petra was still staring at Mikasa in a scared shock, with guilt riding all of her features.

“What...What have I done?” Petra murmured, and Levi put a hand on her shoulder for reassurance.

“Nothing, nothing’s wrong. Mikasa isn’t going to remember that for long, trust me. It’s going to be okay.”

But Petra didn’t seem to listen. She backed away, still staring at the kids.

“I...” Petra began. “...I have to go. I-I’ll see you...”

And with that, the goddess disappeared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok, sorry that chapter was a bit shorter, sorry if you were expecting something a little better seeing as how I was gone for so long. Since it is summer though, I should have more time to write, and you guys can all yell at me all you want if I leave you for six months or something like that again haaa ha...
> 
> thank you for reading!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren's life represents a normal college kid's...for a few seconds, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *walks in 5 months late with a starbucks* hey lol
> 
> ok so looks like my days of being able to update at good times are officially over ha ha ha,, I'm really sorry, guys I wish I could put as much dedication and work into this as you guys deserve. You're all great and keep me going on this and I'm grateful for every single one of you, thank you! Hope you enjoy!

A little over a month had passed since Mikasa’s accident. It was February, the weather just as obnoxious and cold as before, if not worse.

Eren was braving the cold with a scarf covering half his face, walking to his World Civilization class with Mikasa. 

She looked better now, but she still had that ridiculous cast on her arm. Mikasa was still Mikasa, though, and it took too much persuasion to let Eren carry her things.

“How much longer do you have to wear that thing?” Eren asked her.

Mikasa rubbed at the cast gently. Armin and Eren had doodled a lot of stupid pictures and words on it so that she’d look like a middle schooler. “Probably the end of the week, actually. The doctor originally said 6 weeks, but after we checked then he added another 2, just to be safe.”

Eren sighed. “Well that’s good; I’m sick of carrying your books.”

“I already told you, you don't have to carry them—”

“Oh, shut up, just be grateful or something.” Eren groaned. They finally got to Benjamin Hall, and Eren opened the door for Mikasa, both eager to get inside where there was heat. Not great heat, but it was something. They hurried to their classroom—thank God it was on the first floor—but they were already late and the seated students’ faces all shot up when Eren opened the door. Eren and Mikasa both offered an apologetic waves to their professor, who only rolled his eyes in response.

Eren and Mikasa found their way to their seats, but not without Eren catching that blond kid’s eyes for a moment. He shot him back with a glare before sitting down with his friend.

He never did figure out what that kid’s problem was. He was even always put in Eren’s groups, and the _entire_ time he would just demean and cancel out everything Eren tried to say. He hadn’t even done anything to him, what was his deal? Eren would be honest, it was frustrating as hell. He didn’t usually make enemies by existing, he didn’t think.

But he also remembered what Mikasa had told him once: “ _Last time it was something about how a while back at the ice cream shop he saw you..._

Eren wasn’t absolutely positive, but he had the feeling something about that particular occasion had included Eren’s guardian.

The thought of him didn’t leave Eren as cold and confused and sad as much as it used to. Instead, Eren felt warm and secure thinking of his mysterious “captain”. He wasn’t sure why, or how the change had come. Something must’ve happened, he’d guessed, but he couldn’t remember anymore. It was a good change nonetheless. He only wondered—

“Jaeger?” Professor Zackley said with obvious annoyance. Eren was shaken away from his zone.

“Yes sir?” Eren said immediately. He was grateful for the change college brought in comparison to high school; he wasn’t giggled at for not paying attention. Frankly, noones gives a shit what you do.

Zackley repeated himself, “You’re partners with Kirschtein. Get going.”

Eren audibly groaned with irritation. He knew for a fact that he was always partnered with weird-last-name-kid because Zackley was lazy about making partners and just went down the class roster. ‘Jaeger’ and ‘Kirschtein’ were right next to each other, of freaking course.

Mikasa waved him away with an amused expression as Eren gathered his things to be seated next to mister pissy.

“Hey.” Eren grunted to him, and the kid rolled his eyes.

“Who shit in your cheerios, Jaeger?” He sneered, leaning back in his chair as he watched Eren get settled.

“You did.”

The boy grimaced. “Wait, what?”

“Never mind.” Eren replied quickly, having realized he’d just claimed he’d eaten John’s shit. “What’re we supposed to do?”

“Too busy spacing out, were ya?” John said, to which Eren only glared at him. “We’re just supposed to be preparing our essay for the test. As per freaking usual in this useless class.”

“Oh.” Usually their tests consisted of a single essay question. Their professor gave them the question the day before, and allowed the students to partner up to compare notes and create their key points. The class was one of those Freshman year general-eds that exist to annoy you; you barely had any work that actually _meant_ anything. “So what’s the question, John?”

He visibly winced. “ _Jean_.” 

Eren frowned. “Wait, it’s pronounced weird, too?”

“Yes, it is, thank you.” Jean mumbled, picking at the eraser on his pencil. Despite Eren’s disdain, he made a mental note to remember it. “And it’s ‘Explain how barbarian migrations affected the Roman Empire’.”

Unlike the other groups all conversing and discussing, the two started working in complete silence. If he wasn’t insulting him, Jean was awkwardly quiet when Eren was concerned. 

Eren had to admit, the guy had a good work ethic—despite how much of a useless hipster he looked like. He doubted Jean actually needed the reading glasses he wore during classes. And then he was clad in some gray cardigan and a maroon plaid scarf, a coffee sitting by his desk like he still needed to wake up even though he obviously spent seven hours that morning doing his hair. The sight made Eren sick. Obviously.

He'd ask a question every once in a while, and Jean would give him the short version of whatever he was thinking. He had one of those faces that made it obvious he was thinking of several things at once, whether they were actually profound or just what he wanted for lunch. Still, it was annoying trying to talk to someone who saw conversation with you as such a background action in comparison to his thoughts.

Their hour block came to an end, and Eren quickly gathered his things and waited outside the building for Mikasa, despite the cold. Obviously she would be staying over to finish the award-worthy notes she was probably taking, but Eren didn’t want to stick around with Jean. He didn’t like how he felt around him. 

But nevertheless, Mikasa took too long and Jean soon came from the classroom, looking at Eren for a short moment before turning away. Why did they act like this? Did Jean really hate him for being friends with Mikasa or something? 

“Hey, _Jean_ ,” Eren stopped him, trying his hand at pronouncing the name right. Maybe if he just tried some conversation. No insults or anything. “Are you including anything about the huns?”

Jean raised an eyebrow. After a moment thought he said, “Our focus isn’t as much on the eastern civilization; I’m not going to.”

“But they were moving west.” Eren pointed out. “They still effected the other tribes.”

Jean glared at him. “Whatever.”

Eren almost let him go, but he felt frustrated enough to want to piss off the kid. Never mind the no insults thing. He wanted an actual reaction for once. “Hey, you’d know these things if you actually paid attention in class instead of staring at the back of Mikasa’s head.”

Jean’s face went scarlet, giving Eren the satisfaction he'd wanted. “W-what? I don’t stare at _her_.”

Eren rolled his eyes. “Do you think I don’t see how you look at her?”

“I-I don’t, asshole!”

“She’s totally out of your league, you know.”

“God damn it, I’m not into her like that.” Jean demanded, obviously trying to stay calm through his embarrassment. “Fucking Christ, stop saying that.”

“Oh yeah?” Eren said with a laugh. “Then why do you stare at her all the time?”

“I...don’t.” Jean murmured, his face somehow getting redder.

Eren pulled his bag over his shoulder with a chuckle. “Whatever man. Then who the hell are you eyefucking in class, then?”

“You.”

“Yeah, yeah, say what yo—” Eren stopped, catching up to Jean’s response. “Wait, what?”

“What?” Jean repeated, flustered and terrified. “I didn’t...”

“D-did you just fucking...” Eren had to work hard to collect these thoughts. He chuckled a bit, certain it was a joke or slip of tongue. Mikasa couldn’t possibly have been _right_. “You aren’t into _me_.”

Jean flinched back, and then tried to laugh. “G-gross, no! What? Me? Wanting _you_?” He locked eyes with Eren and shrunk back. “...maybe a little.”

Eren’s jaw dropped a bit, and Jean shook his head, sputtering. “B-but you’re an asshole, I wouldn’t actually be with you if it would save my life.”

Eren furrowed his brows, and looked around for any random spectators seeing this weird-ass exchange. “ex _cuse_ me? You do _not_ get to say you’re into me and then insult me the next second, that’s not fucking fair!”

Jean apparently decided the conversation was over, because he turned his heal and started striding down the street without another word to him. That pissed Eren off.

“Hey!” Eren caught up to the blond. “What the fuck? I’m not done talking to you.”

Jean groaned, refusing to stop. “What the hell do you wanna know? Why do you even care, anyways? You don’t like me, either.”

“You don’t fucking know me, what if I did?” Eren retorted, not fully thinking through the sentence. Eren’s eyes widened in the silence that followed, realizing what he’d implied by accident.

Jean, on the other hand, was as red as a tomato. He slowed to a halt. “Y...You do?”

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Okay, so maybe Jean’s stupid cardigans and scarves and coffee and glasses made Eren sick for reasons other than annoyance. Maybe he thought it was a little cute. 

But then in the back of his mind he couldn’t help seeing that person he could never remember the name to. Always _there_ , but never _really_ there, never someone that Eren could...

“I-I didn’t say...that.” Eren mumbled, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

Then Jean looked pissed. “Then what the fuck do you mean? At least be fucking clear with me.”

“Well you weren’t either! The same sentence you said you were into me you said I was a piece of shit!”

“Well it’s not my fault I like some dickhead like you!” Jean rebuked. 

“Fine! I’d never date you, anyways!”

“I-I wasn’t asking you on a date!”

“Why not?” Eren demanded. “You might as well at this point!”

“Fucking FINE!” Jean yelled. “DO YOU WANNA GO ON A FUCKING DATE?”

“FINE!”

“FINE!” Jean stomped away, but then spun back around.

“Uh...” Jean’s eyes darted between Eren’s to the ground awkwardly. “...Really?”

Eren’s stomach felt like it was burning. “I think?”

An uncomfortable silence fell over them. Jean shifted his feet. “Tomorrow? At 6?”

“I have a late class on Thursdays.” Eren replied. Jean frowned.

“Oh, all right then.”

“But Friday’s free.” Eren blurted. “At 6.”

“Okay...so...okay.” Jean mumbled, and then he offered a small smile. “See you then.”

Eren watched Jean’s back as he left, unable to move. What the fuck just happened? He had a date? With the asshole Eren had thought until now had a thing for Mikasa? He needed to consult Armin. 

But then, as if Eren should be surprised,

“Look at you, Mr. Heart-throb.”

Eren screamed.

“Damn, calm down,” Eren’s guardian said, having flinched from Eren’s reaction. “Just messing with you, fuck.”

“W-why? Uh, did you,” Eren began, and looked back where Jean had left. “Did you see all that?”

He nodded. “Yeah? Do you want a congrats or something? Honestly, can’t remember the last time you actually—”

“I need your name.” Eren blurted, stopping the guardian midsentence and stepping close to him. They just looked at each other for a long moment, and Eren wondered what he was thinking. Lately, it’s felt like his guardian has been less far. Back when he was younger, the faded memories were so blurred Eren could assume he’d imagined them. But now...while he still couldn’t remember anything about his guardian, it was simply nostalgic, and comforting. Like when you go back to the town you grew up in, you don’t remember every detail all of the sudden, you just know your memories of it are there and they make you miss it in a bittersweet way.

Like seeing this man, now shorter than Eren himself, still dressed in his dark grays, matching those eyes and his smooth hair, now speckled with freshly fallen snow. It was strange the way Eren stood taller than him; as a kid he can remember his guardian towering over him like a soaring hero shrouded in shadow. 

But Eren didn’t want to keep dancing around what he didn’t know. He was still in shock that he was there, a real body, a real person, and Eren could almost be at peace. But through Eren’s confusing array of memory, there was one thing he had a sure feeling would make him remember the name. And make him forget what just happened.

He immediately grabbed the man’s shoulders and kissed him. Well, at least he hoped that was the thing to do. Or else this would be awkward. However, Eren’s brain began to feel jolts of pain as memories ripened, sights of him became clear, and through the pain Eren could say the moment he pulled away,

“Levi. Been awhile, hasn’t it?”

Levi looked up at him with his eyebrows raised. “Skipping the small talk now, aren’t you.”

Eren took a deep breath, letting his hands fall from Levi’s shoulders. He was relieved to have memories again, ones not foggy and distorted, he knew about everything from getting rescued as a kid to eating breakfast with him at a time that wasn’t actually too long ago.

“So much has happened.” Eren noted, ignoring Levi’s comment. “It’s so tiring having so much I can’t remember.”

“You can remember it now, though.” Levi said. “For now that’s going to have to—”

“I don’t _want_ to keep forgetting you.” Eren interrupted. “How do you think it feels, forgetting about someone you care about all the time? I want to be able to think back on you when I’m, I don’t know, _lonely_ or...and I want to think of you when people...” Eren shook his head. He wasn’t even sure what he was trying to say. “Doesn’t it bother you? Don’t you care that I can’t even remember your face? Or your name?”

“Of course I care.” Levi replied without hesitation. But that was the only answer he seemed to be able to provide.

“Then can’t we...” Eren shrugged, trying to come up with a solution for something he didn’t even understand. “Can’t you explain anything? Do you know how hard it is? It’s so hard knowing your there but having nothing to make it _real_...”

Levi gazed at him quizzically. “Is that why you like Jean?”

“What?” Eren said, turning his head to read Levi’s expression, but all he meant was his indifferent scowl. “..I don’t..”

“You can see him, you can remember him, he’s _real_.” Levi explained, with an icy edge to his words. “He’s better for you. You shouldn’t want to remember _me_. That’s not how it works.”

“I don’t care, I just...” Eren sighed in defeat, looking up at the snow falling. It reminded him of the last time he’d stood with Levi in the snow, another time he’d only yelled at him, desperate for answers. How horrible. “I just wish we could have something.”

“We’re not supposed to—”

“I _know_.”

Levi and Eren stood together quietly, neither saying anything until the school’s door opened a ways away, and Mikasa appeared, looking around for Eren. Eyes wide, Levi grabbed Eren and pulled him around the corner out of her sight. Levi took in a deep breath

“Look, I gotta go now, but I’ll show up again soon, I promise.” He affirmed softly.

Eren’s heart felt like lead. “Wait, no, wait, I don’t want to forget—”

“Yeah. I get that.” Levi looked away where Mikasa was approaching, speaking faster. “Go on your date with Jean, I’m not hurt. I’m going to try to find an answer...”

He trailed off in thought, and finally he pressed his forehead to Eren’s. 

“I’ll do something, kid.”

Eren stared at the empty space Levi left when he was gone in a blink of his eyes. He wasn’t hurt, he’d said, he was finding something, he...cared right?

Mikasa found him standing there a few seconds after, her eyes wide with concern. “You okay, you look like you just saw a ghost...”

She frowned, meeting Eren’s gaze. “...Eren?”

He shook his head. The memories were already slipping away, but there was nothing he could do about it. Eren had tried everything before, repeating it, writing it, saying it, nothing worked. All that stayed was the heavy weight in his chest that he’d be forgetting that name again in only a matter of seconds.

“Nothing.” Eren assured her with a smile. _Levi_. “And damn it, give me your books. You wouldn’t believe what the hell just happened with Kirschtein.” _Levi_ ,

“Finally ask you out?” _Levi_ ,

“Did you freaking _know_?”

...Gone. It only took twelve seconds to disappear that time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also quick announcment: I'm gonna officially state that there will be slight, kinda one-sided kinda not erejean in this story. Let me clarify to any of you that are about to freak out about this:  
> DO NOT FREAK OUT. this was a plan all along, and no, it's not gonna "become" erejean or anything. it's still ereri centric, (i'm not gonna spoil the ending but don't worry about that either), in fact the upcoming chapters with the most to do with this particular ship are in Levi's point of view. It's not going to become a love-triangle or any of that shit. it will not end with some shit kinda _EREN MUST CHOOSE BETWEEN TWO LOVERS_ no. I swear to you this is an ereri story, and this next arc needed to occur in order for the story, and eren and levi's relationship, to progress the way I wanted it to.  
>  I'm mostly saying this in the case that you do not like erejean or can't stand it, sorry but \\_(ツ)_/¯  
> (also i'm not gonna tag it erejean because as a multishipper because that's annoying af for people trying to find fic centric on others. this is and will always be ereri)
> 
> so now that that's out of the way, hope you enjoy, and (hopefully) the next update shouldn't take as long as this one did! As always, I'll try to answer any questions or comments!  
> And btw, yes I'm aware I do not answer every comment as I'd like to. Just know I am grateful for every comment and each one brings a smile to my face, thank you!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren goes on a date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do u ever just finally update something after eight months at 4 am bc same

“Eren you gotta at least try to look presentable.” Armin sighed, shaking his head at Eren’s choice in outfit.

Levi didn’t think it was too bad; t-shirt for some music group, winter jacket, jeans and sneakers; it was a very Eren look. He shouldn’t have to act like someone he’s not for a _date_.

Eren puffed out his cheeks indignantly. “This is my ‘presentable’. And come on, I don’t want him to think I’m a try hard or some shit.”

Armin rolled his eyes and helped himself to Eren’s closet. After a few seconds searching he pulled a red plaid shirt from the rack. “See—here, wear this flannel instead; it’ll be nicer.”

“This is ridiculous.” Eren huffed, tentatively taking the Armin’s selection. 

“I think it’s ridiculous you’re going on a date you don’t want.” Armin smiled teasingly. “Don’t you know not to lead people on?”

“I’m not—!” Eren paused as he pulled his arms through the sleeve. “It’s complicated, okay?”

Armin pursed his lips.

“Look I—” Eren glanced around awkwardly. “I don’t _not_ like him, I think. I don’t know. I’m just...trying it out. It’ll be fine.”

Armin shrugged. “Whatever. As long as you guys have a good time.”

Eren looked back in the mirror, his eyes darting to every inch searching for places to be insecure. “Do I look all right?”

Armin smirked. “You look great.”

Levi couldn’t agree more. He’d brushed his hair nicely for once. It made him look more put together while still seeming himself—messy, lazy, Eren. And the navy stripes in the plaid brought out the specks of blue in his eyes, the red enhanced just how warm his skin was. Eren’s shy smile at his reflection could set Levi on fire... That Jean kid was a lucky son of a bitch. But Levi wasn’t mad about that. 

At least he was trying not to be.

He was trying really, _really_ hard.

Levi couldn’t feel like he actually owned Eren, or was anything for him to lose. And never before did it bother him when Eren had interests. It’s a part of Eren’s life he’s going to have—relationships, dating, sex, falling in love... _Eren’s_ life. Levi was there to give Eren a full life. He’s not supposed to take away any of those parts. Every part of Levi knew this would happen, he knew Eren would get there eventually, there’s no way other people wouldn’t see how stunning he really...

Levi knew all this shit, so why was this bothering him so much? 

_You want Eren to pretty himself up for you_ , a voice in Levi’s head sneered. _You want Eren to do this with you. The relationships, the dating..._

Levi wanted to ignore it. He wanted to so badly. It was wrong. He was a _death_ god (not to mention the one that ruined his normal life and murdered his mother,) and Eren was a human. Despite how much Levi wanted from him, he couldn’t take it. He can’t take anything away from Eren. As much as that burned to admit. 

But Eren was hurting from it, wasn’t he? Eren had seemed so desperate the other day when he saw Levi. _I just wish we could have something_ , he’d said. 

If Levi should make Eren’s life comfortable, if he should make him happy, could that put Levi in the picture? Does _Levi_ make him happy? 

Levi still hadn’t stopped thinking about Erwin’s advice, about finding a way to retain the memories longer, and he’d come to a possible solution. If Eren had something, something tangible, that couldn’t be misplaced or taken away or faded, something to remind him of Levi along with his already over-active memory. Levi already had the perfect thing; he’d picked it up and now the thing burned in his pocket with anticipation. He didn’t want to give it to Eren at the wrong time. And he didn’t want to give it to Eren if he didn’t really want it. But, if having a life involving Levi was what he wanted... 

Levi pushed aside the thought, clenching his jaw. He’d save thinking about that for later. Right now, Eren has a chance for something else. Something _real_. Unlike Levi. Nothing with Levi would ever be _real_. Eren had said that himself. Levi still felt a pain in his chest from hearing that, because of just how true it was.

“All right.” Eren replied to Armin, although he didn’t sound completely positive. He started poking at his hair again when he suddenly froze. “Wait, shit, what time is it?”

Armin pulled out his phone. “A little past 5:50. Isn’t it—”

“Shit, I’m meeting the bastard at 6, and I still have to walk all the way over there, shit—”

The blond held back a laugh as Eren scrambled for his coat and hat. “Even for a date you’re showing up late. You’ll never change.”

“Oh shut up,” Eren groaned as he opened the door. “I’ll see you later.”

“Good luck!” Armin offered as the door was slammed shut. Levi took in a deep breath. It was really a pity Levi would have to watch over the entire date. If not fucking sadistic.

 

Levi stayed beside Eren as he speed-walked through the cold, like he was worried about being late but didn’t want it to look like he was actually putting effort into getting there. Typical. 

He’d said he was meeting Jean at the weird triangle monument they had in front of the campus library. If that were the case, he was almost there and—

“Hey,” Eren began. Levi glanced over—because so often Eren sounded like that when he was about to speak to him without even seeing him—but then he saw Eren was only on the phone. Levi ignored the needle-prick pain the small action gave him.

“Oh, shut up, I know, almost there.” Eren replied to whatever the caller said with a roll of his eyes. Levi assumed it was Jean. “Geesh, I’m only a few minutes late, are you _obsessed_ with me or something?”

Eren smiled a bit, and Levi could hear the loud raging denial on the other line. Yeah, definitely Eren’s date.

Finally the strange triangular sculpture was in sight—Levi would never understand the art of this century to save his life—and one person sat on the bench in front of it.

It was Jean, the sole epitome of 21st century style. Even Levi could see that. His blond hair was styled just as well as any other day, if not better. He wore a dark purple winter cap, baggy at the bottom for some pointless reason, and wore a plain gray button up shirt with a heavy navy coat, plaid scarf and dark tight jeans. He casually picked up his head once Eren was close enough, carefully guarding the expression of excitement and relief that he was there. 

Levi saw through it. Jean was trying much too hard to pretend he hadn’t been tapping his foot worriedly, checking the time, looking for texts or calls nervously as he waited for the boy he liked to show up for him.

“Took you long enough.” Jean sneered, and Eren clicked his tongue.

“Five minutes. That’s barely late.”

“Yeah, I guess for _you_ ” Jean stood up, adjusting his scarf to cover his pale neck right. “Seeing as how you’ve never seen the first ten minutes of a class before.”

“Shut up.” Eren said, but a smile had found its way to his lips. “I’d like to know why you picked somewhere _outside_ to meet up. You realize it’s fucking _winter_?”

“I just wanna piss you off.” Jean laughed, and Eren hit him in the shoulder.

“Anyway,” Eren sighed. “Did you plan on doing anything? Or just freezing our asses off out here?”

“And I thought you’d like this.” Jean mocked offense, but then he shrugged. “I was thinking we could see a movie and eat after. Anything you wanting to see?”

Eren considered for a moment. “Deadpool?”

“Oh thank god.”

Levi zoned out of the conversation as they started talking about superhero universes. Levi was glad they changed topics though, because slowly the initial stiffness between them dissipated. It was strange seeing these two interact with such tension. They were both aggressive, opinionated, loud, 18 year old boys. And these personalities shine brighter when they’re with each other.

But the conversation grew unrestrained, like they were remembering they didn’t have to be worried about what this was. If neither of them worried over the fact it was a date, then why be nervous over it? Levi wondered shortly what that feeling was like. If maybe he’d felt anything similar with Eren.

At the Cinema, Levi followed in soundlessly as Jean paid for their tickets, and then purchased a soda and big bucket of sticky movie theater popcorn. Eren watched Jean pump butter on the popcorn with disappointment.

“What?” Jean asked.

“Dude put more of that shit on there.”

“What?” Jean said again. “Are you kidding me?”

“No, butter is vital to good popcorn.”

“That much butter is vital to diabetes.”

“You’re a horrible date.” Eren grumbled, crossing his arms and well, pouting, over butter following behind Jean away from the concession stand. Jean sighed.

“I did pay for it. I’m a fucking saint because I’m sharing it with you.”

“But you don’t even enjoy popcorn to its highest value. I’m not mad, I’m disappointed.”

Jean rolled his eyes, opening the door to the theater. “There’s no way you’re actually this opinionated over popcorn.”

“I’m opinionated on everything that matters. Popcorn definitely makes the list.”

Eren and Jean sat together in an almost empty theater, save a few more friend groups who probably found nothing better to do with their Friday evening, before the weird college parties, of course.

Levi stayed back, afraid of witnessing anything he didn’t want to see. Of course, the movie was everything but romantic, but he wanted to be careful. Eren really seemed to enjoy himself.

Could Levi be like this? The key he’d found for Eren weighed heavy in his pocket. 

Shouldn’t he let Eren go? Let him forget, let him move on? Won’t that be better for him? For Levi?

Levi watched Eren and Jean exit the theater, shoulders brushing as they laughed, probably referencing something they’d seen. 

How could Levi be better than that.

Jean walked Eren back to his dorm after they’d picked up a fancy dinner of Kentucky Fried Chicken’s dinner box deal. Levi could tell the air was cold by the sheen of frost glistening on the sidewalk, and the way the boys walked close together for warmth. They never offered an arm, though. Something about their comfort together seemed fragile, like the slightest move could shatter their whole evening.

They reached the corner by Eren’s dorm building, indicating the true end to their date. Eren and Jean hesitated in front of each other, the steam of their breaths intermingling they stood so close. Jean was stalling, like he was working in his head something more he wanted to do. 

“Hey.” Eren said with a small chuckle. Jean sucked in his lips, his eyes gazing deeply into Eren’s. That gaze was so penetrating, and so fond. Levi knew that look too well.

And then Jean blurted, “Can I kiss you?” 

Something, some feeling, stabbed Levi that moment. It was foreign. He couldn’t differentiate what it could be; disgust, envy, fear. But it was cold.

Eren’s eyes went wide, and both boys’ blushes were too obvious, even under the dim streetlights. 

“You...” Eren swallowed, glancing at Jean’s lips. “You really want that?”

Jean nodded, his voice quiet. “But not if you don’t want to.”

“Since when do you care what I want?” Eren smiled, causing Jean to step forward, only a bit.

“C’mon.” Jean glowered. “I’m an asshole but I’m not that bad.”

Eren didn’t answer, and it seemed there wasn’t even much distance for Jean to cover. It would only take the slightest push or pull. Just the chemistry between them could close the space. It almost looked like Eren was only waiting for what Jean would do. But he didn’t move.

“You didn’t answer me.” Just for good measure, Jean tipped Eren’s chin up with his hand. 

Levi knew what Eren’s answer had to be. He’d seen Eren with that face before. Those big ass eyes were wide, his lips parted so slightly, eyebrows worried, and all of his focus and passion directed to a single person standing in front of him. Levi knew this Eren. He’d seen it directed at _him_.

But to Levi’s surprise,

“No.” Came Eren’s voice, softer than Levi had ever heard it.

Jean’s hand dropped, but he didn’t look as rejected as Levi would’ve imagined. He looked like he was expecting it. How could he have possibly expected that with the way Eren had been looking at him? Levi almost felt as if Jean could see something in Eren that even Levi was blind to. An empathy Levi wasn't capable of.

“That’s fine.” Jean said quietly. “I understand.”

“Don’t. Don’t understand.” Eren replied firmly. 

Jean shook his head stepping back and giving Eren space again. “Don’t be so damn complicated, idiot. It’s okay.” 

The shorter boy’s shoulders dropped, watching with concern. He felt guilty. “Are you sure? I’m—I’m not trying to be...hard—”

“Hard to get?” Jean finished, crossing his arms. He looked almost amused, even then. “You know, you’re one of the hottest guys on this campus and yet no one has managed to catch your eye. Eren Jaeger, you’re the _definition_ of hard to get.”

Eren looked offended, but Jean continued with his gaze focused on the concrete, “But that’s okay. You have your reasons, you know? That’s...Fine.”

He looked back up, meeting green eyes, “And hey. I’m at least a whole step ahead of anyone else around here.”

Eren rolled his eyes. “I’m not...Whatever.” He turned towards his building, nudging Jean’s shoulder as he passed him. His smile looked sincere, soft like the snow around them. “Thanks. For this.”

Jean grinned, the purest one Levi had ever seen on that boy’s face. He stuffed his hands in his coat pockets and tried to regain that air of confidence he usually hid himself in, not the open, sensitive side he'd just revealed. “No problem, Jaeger.”

And with that, Jean turned around and headed off into the wintry night. Eren watched him go, and Levi realized something.

Eren had just picked Levi. Didn’t he? That was why...Despite the way he’d looked at Jean, despite the way he laughed and had a comfortable and _normal_ time with him...He didn’t want any of that. Despite everything, he wanted his captain. 

Did he really still want Levi? After feeling that way, he still wanted _him?_ Levi’s chest felt warm, warm with hope and...maybe happiness. Levi didn't feel afraid of this, now. That's what Eren had just showed him. 

He dug into his pocket and pulled out the bronze little key, tied to a small chain to put around one’s neck. He could do it. Maybe...If Eren really wanted Levi, if he’d really choose him, then he could—

“Levi!” 

He whipped around to the voice. Why _now?_

Standing before him in the empty road was Auruo, one of the other death gods. Last Levi had seen him...was back at that terrorist attack. Was there another one? He couldn’t help feeling annoyed at the thought at this point.

“Auruo what are you...” Levi began, but the god was rushing towards him, and he realized something. His face was struck with grief, anger...something was wrong.

Auruo grabbed Levi’s shoulders.

“Why didn’t you _stop_ him?” He cried. Levi had never seen Auruo like this. Sure his hair always looked as if he was having a panic attack, but...He was always laid back, wearing a shit-eating grin. What made him attack him like this? What the hell...?

Levi shook Auruo off of him, glaring. “What are you talking about? What happened?”

Auruo’s eyes widened then, searching Levi’s. “You didn’t...How do you not know? Of all—how the fuck do you not know?”

Levi waited.

“Erwin did it.” Auruo said. His words were cold and bitter. Wounded. “He erased her.”

Levi felt a cold hand wrap around his heart. He barely processed Auruo’s next words, because he’d already started making his move. He’d offered one glace to Eren. But the next moment, Levi was gone. He needed to find Erwin.

But then Auruo’s words repeated over and over in Levi’s head, as if somehow hearing them more would make it untrue.

“He killed Petra.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it makes me so happy to see people still follow this sometimes despite my lengthy hiatuses. Whenever im not getting swamped with things to do I can't seem to write D: but im gonna make sure i finish this thing! I think its safe to say now this story has probably 3 or 4 more updates and things are gonna start getting Pretty Wild lol
> 
> But as always, thank u all for everything!!! (sorry about the cliff hanger lmao)


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren is paid a visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hah, i can't really get myself content with the writing on this chapter, but i don't want to leave u all waiting when I doubt i'll ever get myself happy with it (i feel i'm getting pretty dialogue heavy and i'm sorry) but please enjoy my lovelies :)

Levi appeared in and found Erwin somewhere in the countryside of Germany. A small cottage and farm sat quietly in distance, as well as a mountain range unfamiliar to Levi.

Erwin, pretending he didn’t notice the lesser god, watched a family by that cottage; a boy pushed his sister into a puddle of mud, and instead of crying the girl pulled him down with her. His face was masked with calculating, as if he was deciding an act of fate for them. 

And Levi currently had no patience for that devil.

“Erwin!” He called out, his tone threatening. He unsheathed his blades, almost shaking with anger.

Petra, she was sweet, she was strong, she only wanted to do what was _right_ , and she was gone. 

Levi had worried of this in the beginning. He remembered wondering if she had what it took to really end lives on the level of apathy that Levi had. And yet—And yet—

“I can only assume you’re here about Petra.” Erwin said, sickeningly calm. He turned around and watched Levi with his swords, a condescending challenge in his fair eyes.

“You—” Levi didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what he’d planned to do. He just wanted to hurt Erwin, or make him take it back. Or-or— 

“Why did you do it.” He growled, refusing to lower his weapon. Erwin shrugged.

“I gave her an order, and she failed to obey.”

Levi thought back to Mikasa Ackerman’s accident. The one Petra had started but refused to finish. Levi couldn’t breathe. 

“You _knew_ she wouldn’t have killed that girl!” He retorted. “She couldn’t have done that.”

Levi’s teeth were gritted together. “If you haven’t noticed, _I_ failed to do it. Where have I been the past 18 years?”

“But that was a singular case for you.” Erwin explained, stepping closer to Levi despite the weapons pointed at him. “Petra has shown reluctance, so much that I worried for her. She was becoming weak, Levi. She was not taking the amount of lives she needed to.”

He met Levi’s glare, trying to pass on understanding. “I gave her that mission as her last shot. If she could end that girl’s life, I believed she would get through this slump. But she didn’t. She was wasting her spirit as a Death God.”

Levi was quiet for a long moment. The sound of laughter from the children carried over to them, but he didn’t process the noise. 

Erwin continued with an almost concerned tone, “She was in pain existing like this, Levi. Did you really want that for her?”

It was a conflicting question, if Levi was honest. 

Petra always shined, she glowed with a life Levi wasn’t used to seeing in their company. Of course he recognized that, but how did that mean she was doomed? Even if Levi knew it was hurting her...he was selfish, his existence seemed a little brighter with her.

Levi’s chest ached. Petra was gone. Erwin’s resolve was sound; Petra was erased, her soul was gone. He wouldn’t share stories with her anymore, spend any time with her—he hadn’t even realized he was attached to her. Did she realize he was? Did she know that her existence hadn’t merely been remembered as death? That at least Levi had cared for her?

“Why did you choose Mikasa.” Levi demanded quietly. He couldn’t ask about Petra anymore. Her name felt like poison on his tongue, in his mind. It hurt, it hurt like loss Levi had no memory of feeling, and yet was a familiar sting.

“I’ve told you before.” Erwin began, his voice softening again as he went to a different conversation. “Things have happened that weren’t meant to be. Complicating things. Mikasa’s existence is mistimed—she took her second chance too soon.”

“Took her second—” Levi paused, and watched Erwin’s face freeze up as if he’d made a mistake. 

“She’s...a reincarnation?”

Erwin swallowed, a nervousness on his face Levi had never seen before. If that were the case, then...Then...

“I’m ending this conversation.” Erwin decided, and before Levi could protest he added, “I regret you feel loss for your comrade, but that temper of yours is only going to bring you more pain.”

“What do you...” Levi began, but realization tapered away his words.

“You left him alone.” Erwin said. “I may have a hand in the disaster that falls to him, but I’m not in control of _them_.”

Levi stumbled back, staring at the god. A repulsive terror constricted his gut. He...

What has he done?

 

Eren watched his date’s back until he walked out of sight, too many emotions trying to sort themselves out in his head. 

Eren should’ve kissed him. That was something people _did_ at the end of a good date, and as far as Eren could tell it really had been...good.

He’d enjoyed himself, Jean—while he was infuriating—was interesting, and he was fun and nice when he wanted to be. And he wasn’t about to lie to himself. Jean had looked amazing with his god damn scarf and hair and almost had Eren stumbling for words when he smirked. His skin still burned from where Jean had touched his chin, even in the cold weather.

Jean made Eren feel normal all of the sudden. Like all the weird shit that always went down around him, none of that was there. He was just a guy going out with another and blushing when his shoulder leaned against his own in a dark movie theater.

And yet he’d said no and rejected him. Hell, he’d even _asked_ , and didn’t even snap or yell at Eren for...well, leading him on. Eren’s heart seriously ached, and part of him wanted to call Jean back and change his mind, he didn’t like seeing Jean mask his disappoint and pretend it was fine for their sakes, but...

As right as it could’ve felt, one little needle of _wrong_ pricked Eren’s mind. And that needle showed itself in the hazy glow of a memory, someone else he wanted all this with, the awkward walks, the movie theater, the cheap dinners, he wanted that with—

“Hey Eren.”

Eren’s blood went cold. Hearing a low voice by an alley saying your name wasn’t a good sign. His first thought was Captain. Did he show himself? Was he there now? 

But this voice wasn’t the same. Eren wasn’t positive, but he felt captain’s was smooth, as well as low and gruff, like water in a babbling brook. This voice was rough and darker, and didn’t have the same soothing effect to Eren. 

Eren turned slowly to the voice, and saw not one, but two figures, leaning against the brick walls by Eren’s dorm building. Part of Eren screamed to get the hell out of there. Bad news. Bad things. Alleys and strange people were very bad mixtures. But the other, more stupid side, was frozen to the spot. Why did they know his name? 

Then again, he had no reason to be afraid. Captain was with him, wasn’t he?

“Who are you?” Eren demanded after he wet his lips. The shorter of the two (not to say he was short at all) shrugged his broad shoulders.

“Names are powerful things, kiddo.” He replied coolly. Eren could tell from the dim street lights his hair was short and blond. “But I guess it doesn’t matter on this occasion.”

He gestured to the man beside him. “This is Bertholdt. I’m Reiner. We know a pretty good deal about you. Why don’t you come with us? We want to talk.”

“No.” Eren said firmly. He at least knew not to do _that_. “Why do you know me? Tell me who you really are.”

Reiner chuckled. “All right then. I am a bringer of disaster.”

Okay that wasn’t the answer Eren was expecting. “Excuse me?”

The man unfolded his arms and strode towards Eren slowly.

“I was born with a purpose: To cause humans catastrophe. Calamity.” Reiner explained, confusing Eren further. “I’m a dog that carries out disaster for the big guys. But lately, my mission has been different,” He cocked his head to the side. “Hasn’t it?”

Eren stepped back as the crazy guy closed their distance. His heartbeat picked up. “I don’t get what you’re talking about.”

“Of course you don’t.” He sighed. “He left you in the dark, am I right?”

“What?”

“Poor little Eren. So many problems surrounding you and you’re clueless.” He shook his head sympathetically. 

The other man, the one with shaggy dark hair, stepped forward.

“Levi really didn’t tell you anything?” Asked Bertholdt, sounding sincerely concerned. His voice came softer than the other’s.

Levi? Who was...

The thought didn’t even have to finish before Eren remembered. It disgusted him that it almost fully processed.

Levi. Captain’s name. In that moment everything started hitting him. He could remember Levi rescuing him, over and over again. His promises, his voice, his face, his arms, his kiss...Every memory was like another heart attack after another when they flooded his head and resurfaced.

Eren stepped back again, but this time not from the men before him. He held his head in hopes the world would stop spinning. He felt dizzy. He braced a hand against the wall, willing his knees not to buckle with the pressure in his skull. Passing out wasn’t an option. 

These guys...they knew Levi. They knew who he was. Holy shit, he could figure something out. Holy _shit_ , he could find out who he is.

“You...” Eren started, daring took look back at the men. “You know Levi?”

“Call him a co-worker.” The blond man suggested, malice evident. “Look, if you come with us, we’ll tell you about him. He’s important to you, isn’t he?”

He’s everything. He knew that now. But something was prodding at Eren. The voice screaming not to follow. That this was a trap, a mistake, don’t do it...

Eren nodded. “Fine. Only if you tell me everything you know.”

“Of course.” The tall guy said, gesturing to the alley. Yeah, all this reeked of bad ideas. But damn it, Levi never told Eren anything, and now—these people knew him. Eren wondered if Levi was there right then. He was always there, wasn’t he? He always saved Eren if he was in trouble, so did he really have to worry, now? He trusted Levi.

And now, he’d finally know who Levi was. 

And it was terrifying as well as intriguing. What if there was a reason Levi never told him anything?

When they reached about half way into the dark alley, reeking of moisture and filth, Eren stopped.

“All right.” He said. “This is as far as I’m going. Tell me what you know.”

Bertholdt hung back awkwardly, while the blond one’s sneering smile was obvious even in the lack of light.

“Yeah. Levi. _Every_ god knows who _he_ is.” Reiner spat. Eren’s mind hadn’t registered the words though.

Did he say _god_?

“Levi, greatest god in the past two centuries or whatever.” He groaned with mockery. “I’ve been hearing rumors that he gained good ol’ Erwin’s favor. He’s a god, but the past few years he’d gotten to play baby-sitter while we went through the trouble of putting his little ankle-biter in danger. All because he gets special treatment from the big guy. What a prick.”

“Levi’s not a prick.” Eren defended automatically, as if he didn’t hear the rest of what he’d said. Who the fuck was Erwin? Greatest god? Two centuries? And the way they said this, _we went through the trouble of putting him in danger_...It sounded like _they_ were the ones who’d been ruining his life since the fire. That couldn’t be true. If that were the case, then that meant it wasn’t just something like fate putting his life on the line. Eren’s mind blurred with confusion and anger. What the hell was going on?

“It’s nothing personal, Eren.” Bertholdt interjected, causing his stockier friend to turn to him. “But Levi has been making our jobs difficult. And it goes against anything we’ve ever done before. It’s wrong.”

“Bertholdt’s right.” Blond guy agreed. “Focusing on some kid isn’t our problem. We’re here to make chaos, Eren. We’re here to make sure the world doesn’t become a happy-go-lucky perfect land of rainbows and daffodils.”

“Why would that be so bad?” Eren griped, clenching his fists. “If I even believed what you were saying, then why would I want to let you guys go? If you’re the ones causing trouble—”

“We aren’t the only ones.” The man interrupted impatiently. “But trouble has to happen. You should understand that. To every yin there is yang. It’s a matter of equivalent exchange. It’s only fair that for every good moment there’s bad.”

“So,” Eren’s fists were shaking. His teeth hurt from gritting them together. “You’re saying it’s fair that you’ve been destroying my life since I can remember?”

“You’re an interesting case, Eren.” Reiner shrugged. “You weren’t supposed to live through that fire—At least it wasn’t Erwin’s plan. You’re not supposed to be existing right now. So it’s our job to kill you—or at least try, while your little knight in shining armor rescues you.”

“Huh?” Was all Eren could really manage. Why do they know everything about him?

“You were meant to die fifteen years ago. Every single thing that has involved you in the slightest sense has been completely altered from original fate.” Reiner clarified. “You cheated death because Levi decided to play hero and save you. If you’d like anyone to blame for your life being a tedious game of cat and mouse, blame Levi.” He rolled his shoulders, standing taller. “But don’t worry, it’s over now.”

Eren felt a chill like someone threw ice down his shirt. “What do you mean?”

“I wouldn’t have told you our names if we were letting you go.” Reiner explained, stepping closer. Eren stepped back just as much, not taking his eyes off them. The way they chilled his blood with mere looks. Now that Eren thought about it, they didn’t seem human. Those eyes were dark and seemed to see everything. They could see what the outcome of this would be. Eren could already see his body, bloodied and lifeless, in those eyes. A vengeance that Reiner wanted sense he was set on this mission. Something different swirled under the skin of these people. Like they were only shells.

They weren’t human. They weren’t. They were demons. Like animals. Titans. Holy _fuck_ , Eren’s primal instinct was to fight but...

What was he against gods?

“I’m not afraid of you.” Eren’s voice remained steady, and he tried to stop his legs from shaking. But Reiner laughed.

“I get why you aren’t afraid,” He looked down on Eren. He didn’t like this. Eren’s heart pounded faster than ever. “Because your little guardian is always watching over you isn’t he?”

“I’m not hiding behind Levi!”

“He’ll never let someone kill you, right?”

Eren pressed his lips together as Reiner gestured to the empty alley. “Well, take a look around, Eren! Do you think he’d let it get this far if he was here? Hell, he wouldn’t have even let you in this alley.”

Eren’s lips parted as the gravity of this sank on him. It was true; Levi would’ve intervened a long time ago. As far as Eren could tell, he should’ve realized that when they said they’d tell Eren everything.

He’d made a huge mistake. But their mistake was bigger. 

Eren had the element of surprise when he clobbered his fist into Reiner’s cheek. He howled in pain—or surprise, he wasn’t sure. Eren grabbed his neck as Reiner leaned over and pushed the bigger man up against the wall, cracking his head on the brick. Bertholdt gasped and reached out to grab Eren, but Reiner held his hand out for him not to interfere.

“What did you do to him?” Eren growled, but Reiner only smiled sadly. Was that fucking pity? And he wasn’t even hurt. God dammit, he wasn’t hurt at all. There were two guys here, both bigger than him and not even human, completely above Eren’s league. The backstreet was completely empty save some dumpsters; nothing to fight with. He could fight, but even his best didn’t seem to do much.

Bertholdt stepped closer and fear clutched Eren’s heart. 

He couldn’t do anything.

Eren was weak; he felt like a useless five year old again. Except this time, Levi wasn’t there.

“That’s just the thing, Eren.” Reiner said, pulling Eren’s hand off his neck. “We didn’t do anything. Levi abandoned you.”

Eren let go, trying to stop from trembling. He’d never felt so alone. 

“Go to hell. You’re a fucking liar.”

“Come on, be realistic.” He snapped. “If we could do something to Levi, we would’ve done it years ago. Levi. Left. you.”

_He’s never left me. He wouldn’t leave me. I’ve always felt him there, I’ve never been alone,_

“You’re lying, bastard!” Eren shouted, throwing another punch. But Reiner didn’t even flinch this time.

“Fine. Don’t believe me.” Reiner shrugged, his face darkened. “Either way, you’re on your own. He’s not saving you this time.”

A crooked, haunting smile fell over his lips. “You finally ready to die, Eren?”

_You aren’t here. Why aren’t you here? You’re always there with me? Where are you, where are you—_

Bertholdt and Reiner closed the distance as Eren’s steps backward accelerated. 

_Levi left you._

Damn it, nothing made sense! This was cold, this was _fear_ , something he’d forgotten ever since knowing Levi was there. 

Because he was always saved. Eren was always secure. But this time, he wasn’t. The sensation to scream and shake bubbled up in his throat. He panicked. He was confused, angry, scared, his mind was cluttered with all this bizarre information, scared, he couldn’t think, he couldn’t do, _scared_ , he couldn’t—

The two gods suddenly advanced and Eren’s body took over.

_I don’t want to die._

He ran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> get rekt eren

**Author's Note:**

> First off apologizing right here and now for grammar/spelling/trash-plot mistakes i am so sorry for these!
> 
> I don't even know man It's fun to write i'm absolute scum. But hey, if you like it, let me know! thank you!  
> (If you have questions or want to talk to/yell at me, I'm much more active at serrie-smiles on tumblr!)  
> 


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